TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb · Guru

The first two dear Prudie letters from Tuesday are doozies...

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Q. Hubby Doesn’t Know: I’ve been married to a great guy for almost three years now. The only problem is that he really wants kids, and I have no desire to put my body through that. A few months ago he wanted to start trying for kids. I agreed, thinking that I could do it for him, but when I realized I was pregnant, I panicked and got an abortion. My husband is starting to worry that we haven’t had any luck and wants to start doing fertility tests. I’m worried that seeing doctors will cause my secret to come out and my husband will leave me. What do I do?

A: The two people in your marriage need to seriously consider what you’re doing there if you are so utterly at odds about adding another person to your family. You now realize you have no intention of fulfilling your husband’s desire for a child. But instead of telling him, you secretly aborted a fetus you had agreed to conceive. That speaks to a level of deceit that sounds lethal to a marriage. It would be one thing if your letter was about how you tell your husband you have no intention of having children. But you want some way to pretend to engage in fertility treatment without his finding out you two are perfectly capable of having a child. I don’t know if you discussed the having children issue before you got married, but an urgent life goal for him is to become a father. Your urgent life goal is to not become a mother. You need to face this forthrightly, and if it ends your marriage, that will give you each the opportunity to find more compatible partners

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Q. Too Tired and Old: I am in a horrible quandary! I am a 41-year-old mother of two wonderful girls, ages 5 and 7, and I have just found out I’m (unexpectedly!) pregnant again. My husband is very supportive, and we share child care duties, but we both work 40-plus hours a week and make decent but not great salaries. I have always been a very liberal person, believed in a woman’s right to choose, and even volunteered at Planned Parenthood in my college days. The thought of having a baby makes me want to cry; the thought of having an abortion makes me want to cry. I know that no one else can figure this out for me—but I need help on how to think about it and make the best choice. I can’t discuss this with my husband, who is seriously conservative on this issue. It would not be a topic even up for discussion, and if he did know I was even considering it, divorce might be a bigger issue. I feel completely torn; no solution seems better than the other. I really don’t want to go back to the diapers and midnight feedings, etc., not to mention highway robbery of day care costs. I still think abortion is the best choice for some, but I’m not sure if it is for me. I really need help figuring this out!

A: You recognize that I cannot in any way make this decision for you. It is the definition of a decision that’s profoundly personal. But you are reaching out to a stranger for a reason, so I will give you some reflections back. It is a coincidence that your letter comes at the same time as the letter from the woman who secretly had an abortion, but while your cases are generally similar, my reaction to the details is very different. You already have children, and this pregnancy was unintended. You feel you just don’t have it in you to start over with a third child. You are married to a man you can’t discuss this with. I hope it’s not true that he actually would tear his family apart and end your marriage if you ended the pregnancy, but you are married to him, so I take you at your word. Do you have some dear, wise, trustworthy girlfriends you can talk this out with? It can help to air things out with people who know your situation and can help you think through all contingencies. In any case, you need to make an appointment right away with your gynecologist—whatever you decide, you are going to need medical care. At your appointment talk this out honestly. What you discuss is confidential, and you should raise with your doctor the possibility of an abortion and the possibility of keeping it secret. It may be that the abortion drug mifepristone is an option for you. I am not at all saying this is what you should do, just that you need all the information available so that you can weigh this very difficult decision. If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, do not feel guilty that you considered ending it. If you have that third child, you know you will love her or him as much as your two girls.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Relationship Crossroads: My girlfriend and I recently moved in together. We are best friends and have always had a good relationship. The issue is after a few months living together I am starting to feel regret about making such a big decision at a young age. I am 25, and this is my only serious relationship to date. I have always been a shy person and never gave myself a chance to go out and meet new people. I am starting to think I may regret that later in life. Recently I have been going out more, and I am finding that I am not as shy around women as I once was. I love my girlfriend as a person, but I am having second thoughts about how much I love our relationship. Despite that we have been together for three years I have no desire to get married anytime soon. Part of me feels like I should enjoy being young while I can and meet other people, but another part of me thinks I should play it safe because I might not find anyone who loves me like my girlfriend does. Am I being selfish, or is this a sign that I should reconsider our relationship?

A: This letter is a sign you should look at your lease and see how easy it will be to break it. You want out of the apartment and the relationship. If you get out, you may realize, after meeting other women, that your girlfriend really was the one for you. But once you end a relationship, you don’t get to freeze-dry the other person in case you realize you want to reconstitute things. So yes, you will lose someone you love, probably permanently. However, most people do not marry their first love, so your chances are excellent of finding someone else. What’s most important is that you want the fun of looking. You are feeling suffocated by this too early domesticity, and frankly, if your girlfriend is hoping living together leads in short order to marriage, you are seriously wasting her time. Breaking up will be a mess, but it’s better than marching reluctantly to a destination you dread.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/10/dear_prudence_i_had_an_abortion_without_telling_my_husband.html

huskerbb · Guru

If you want the right to make decisions without consulting a spouse--don't get married.

Lindley · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
If you want the right to make decisions without consulting a spouse--don't get married.

This.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

huskerbb wrote:
If you want the right to make decisions without consulting a spouse--don't get married.

Definitely.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Very sad. All of them.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

My cousin had the first one happen to her son. She aborted at 16 weeks, he filled for divorce the next day.

Both situations are sad, but at least the second one will probably let her baby live.

The third LW needs to get his head out of his butt and move on.

chef · Guru

I would be livid if DH did something as permanent as an abortion behind my back. I would also be livid if I found out DH wasn't honest and forthcoming with me on something as important as whether or not to have children.

Perhaps adoption would be an option for the couple in the first letter. I can understand the wife's objection to pregnancy. I do not understand her killing her child because of a decision she made.

The second letter: She can always give the baby up for adoption. She doesn't have to resort to killing her child.

The third letter: Sounds like buyer's remorse. Also sounds like a guy that may never be able to actually commit. Three years and no desire to get married? Doesn't sound like his heart is in the relationship.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

First one. I think that is grounds for divorce. So obviously, she just wants to do whatever with no regard for her husband.

The second lady, lots of women have ambivalent feelings. But, you are 41 freaking years old. You know how to NOT get pregnant in the first place. Geez. Be a grown women and accept that God is blessing you with another child. Oh, BTW, that is another diff between pro deathers and pro lifes. Children are a Gift from God.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

That first one is a horrid person. Not only did she abort a child she purposefully conceived, she lied to her husband about it. She needs to tell her husband so he can divorce her and find a woman who does want children as he does.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Oh, FFS...STOP with the "pro-deather" nonsense.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Oh, FFS...STOP with the "pro-deather" nonsense.

flan

oh, FFS ....truth hurts.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Oh, FFS...STOP with the "pro-deather" nonsense.

flan
oh, FFS ....truth hurts.

Your opinion isn't the truth.

Whatever my feelings may be, I would not presume to choose for another human being.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Anyone who would seek out to kill their own child is nothing more than a piece of trash.

Pregnancy is 100% avoidable.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Anyone who would seek out to kill their own child is nothing more than a piece of trash.

Pregnancy is 100% avoidable.

Only if you never have sex.

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

If you don't want a baby then don't have sex. See it is easy!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Oh, FFS...STOP with the "pro-deather" nonsense.

flan
oh, FFS ....truth hurts.
Your opinion isn't the truth.
Whatever my feelings may be, I would not presume to choose for another human being.
flan

Yes, you do. You presume to say that a mother should be able to choose for the child. Choose to KILL her child. That is a pro-killing stance.

MyNameIsJoe · Member

I will counter argue that all of us are pro-deathers in some fashion. Some of you anti choicers are also pro deathers when it comes to shooting and the death penalty. It isn't an insult, it's a drama infused description.

I think baby killer is much more dramatic.

Ohfour · Hooker

I don't support the killing of innocents.

Tell you what, I will agree to stand firmly against the death penalty if you will agree to take a stand against abortion.

Deal?

MyNameIsJoe · Member

The bible clearly states that breath is what gives life. Genesis, Job, Isaiah,

And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
Gen 2:7

It can be said with absolute certainty that ancient scripture does not consider a zygote or a fetus even to be alive, because it has not yet drawn breath.

Checkmate.

Ohfour · Hooker

Jeremiah 1:5

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations."

ed11563 · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
If you don't want a baby then don't have sex. See it is easy!

This is a perfect example of "magical thinking".

MyNameIsJoe · Member

But that says nothing about LIFE. God is powerful enough to stop abortion but hasn't. Because it isn't a sin.

If anything, it is propert damage not murder.

Furthermore, the bible lays out a clear punishment for those who cause an abortion outside of this ritual:

22 If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.
23 And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life,

24 Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,

25 Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

The fine for causing an abortion is a fine of property damage, to be paid to the woman's husband. Why property damage? Because a fetus isn't alive until it has breathed, according to the bible. But if the woman is injured, or dies in the process, then the guy who hit her will be injured or killed in equal measure, an eye for an eye, according to the ancient law.

Tinydancer · Guru

Magical? Why will you die if you don't get to have sex?

Ohfour · Hooker

HAHAHAHA! You really ARE a trip. Thanks for the laugh...

God doesn't stop abortion because it not a sin. Did you really say that? HAHAHAHAHA! I can't stop...

You should go on a comedy tour...

MyNameIsJoe · Member

For every verse you have, I can counter with verse after verse of God saying Breath is life. Pregnancy is potential. Breath is life.

Ohfour · Hooker

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
For every verse you have, I can counter with verse after verse of God saying Breath is life. Pregnancy is potential. Breath is life.

You proved what a clown you are with that last post. I'm still laughing...

MyNameIsJoe · Member

I'm right.

Actually, the bible is clear that as a woman you're inferior too so I'm not going to argue with you.

MyNameIsJoe · Member

Is calling someone a clown a personal attack? My perception is that that little woman attacked me.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
For every verse you have, I can counter with verse after verse of God saying Breath is life. Pregnancy is potential. Breath is life.

Amen!!!!

flan

MyNameIsJoe · Member

Something that most people don't know is that the bible contains an abortion ritual.

Yes, you read that right. The bible contains an ancient ritual designed to cause abortion. It's in Numbers 5:11-31, and it involves forcing a woman accused of adultery to drink "bitter water" designed to cause a miscarriage. Her belly will swell, and her "thigh" will rot. Thigh of course being a priestly euphemism for ones reproductive organs. It's known as the ordeal of the bitter water or the trial of jealousy, so named because it is initiated not by the woman, but by her jealous husband.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Clowns can be darn scary...

flan

MyNameIsJoe · Member

flan327 wrote:
Clowns can be darn scary...

flan

Especially if they're intelligent.

MyNameIsJoe · Member

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (I Corinthians 11:3)

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (I Corinthians 11:8-9)

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Clowns can be darn scary...

flan
Especially if they're intelligent.

Damn skippy!

flan

MyNameIsJoe · Member

Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean." (Leviticus 12:2)

"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days." (Leviticus 12:5)

Ohfour · Hooker

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (I Corinthians 11:3)

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (I Corinthians 11:8-9)

You think I disagree with this? Because this is EXACTLY how my marriage works. Being new, you probably thought this would be an attack on women, but I agree wholeheartedly...

MyNameIsJoe · Member

"Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (I Timothy 2:11-14)

Tinydancer · Guru

flan327 wrote:
MyNameIsJoe wrote:
For every verse you have, I can counter with verse after verse of God saying Breath is life. Pregnancy is potential. Breath is life.
Amen!!!!
flan

Sure, dead babies. Amen. That's just twisted.

Ohfour · Hooker

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
"Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (I Timothy 2:11-14)

Again, totally agree...

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Oh, FFS...STOP with the "pro-deather" nonsense.

flan
oh, FFS ....truth hurts.
Your opinion isn't the truth.
Whatever my feelings may be, I would not presume to choose for another human being.
flan

But you would allow others to make the choice to kill.

MyNameIsJoe · Member

"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." (I Corinthians 14:34-35)

Tinydancer · Guru

I guess Joe doesn't get that you agree Ohfour.

huskerbb · Guru

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
Something that most people don't know is that the bible contains an abortion ritual.

Yes, you read that right. The bible contains an ancient ritual designed to cause abortion. It's in Numbers 5:11-31, and it involves forcing a woman accused of adultery to drink "bitter water" designed to cause a miscarriage. Her belly will swell, and her "thigh" will rot. Thigh of course being a priestly euphemism for ones reproductive organs. It's known as the ordeal of the bitter water or the trial of jealousy, so named because it is initiated not by the woman, but by her jealous husband.

This is a huge fail. Just because something is contained in the bible does not mean it is condoned. Cain killed Abel, but clearly, that does not mean that murder is somehow justified or ok.

Ohfour · Hooker

Tinydancer wrote:
I guess Joe doesn't get that you agree Ohfour.

Evidently not...LOL!

MyNameIsJoe · Member

huskerbb wrote:
MyNameIsJoe wrote:
Something that most people don't know is that the bible contains an abortion ritual.

Yes, you read that right. The bible contains an ancient ritual designed to cause abortion. It's in Numbers 5:11-31, and it involves forcing a woman accused of adultery to drink "bitter water" designed to cause a miscarriage. Her belly will swell, and her "thigh" will rot. Thigh of course being a priestly euphemism for ones reproductive organs. It's known as the ordeal of the bitter water or the trial of jealousy, so named because it is initiated not by the woman, but by her jealous husband.
This is a huge fail. Just because something is contained in the bible does not mean it is condoned. Cain killed Abel, but clearly, that does not mean that murder is somehow justified or ok.

Yes. Being selective with what is written in the holy bible. Your shiny Christian armor is dull.

Tinydancer · Guru

Except the Bible doesn't condone that ritual.

huskerbb · Guru

MyNameIsJoe wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
MyNameIsJoe wrote:
Something that most people don't know is that the bible contains an abortion ritual.

Yes, you read that right. The bible contains an ancient ritual designed to cause abortion. It's in Numbers 5:11-31, and it involves forcing a woman accused of adultery to drink "bitter water" designed to cause a miscarriage. Her belly will swell, and her "thigh" will rot. Thigh of course being a priestly euphemism for ones reproductive organs. It's known as the ordeal of the bitter water or the trial of jealousy, so named because it is initiated not by the woman, but by her jealous husband.
This is a huge fail. Just because something is contained in the bible does not mean it is condoned. Cain killed Abel, but clearly, that does not mean that murder is somehow justified or ok.
Yes. Being selective with what is written in the holy bible. Your shiny Christian armor is dull.

So you think the bible condones mureder??? That is simply idiotic.