TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Smoking Relatives

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh goodness. It's one night a year. Shut up and go.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Furthermore, going to this one would likely lead to the ban being lifted at father's house. If smoking is more important to them than family, that is their choice.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

If it is the home of a smoker, then you better expect smoking.

One night is not going to kill anyone.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
If it is the home of a smoker, then you better expect smoking.

One night is not going to kill anyone.

Then I don't go. My mother smokes outside when we visit her - or we don't stay. It's that simple.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't expect anyone to do anything different in their own home just because I'm there.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.

This.

I think smokers often forget how long the smell lingers.

flan

FNW · Guru

I don't expect the to change for me, but they shouldn't expect me to go, "just because." If I didn't make my children ill, I would probably suck it up and go, but try to spend as much time as I could, outside. But if it made my children sick, such as the case with my own children and cat/dog dander, no, I would not go.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't expect anyone to do anything different in their own home just because I'm there.

You are misunderstanding. I wouldn't be there.

Domestic Engineer · Guru

Sis didn't think smoking around others was a big deal, until DD had an asthma attack while with her. Sis suddenly decided that's she didn't need her cigarettes when DD was wth her.

FNW · Guru

I wish my in-laws were as concerned, DE. Mine don't care and in fact, SIL with all her dander, has invited herself to Thanksgiving this year and wants to stay for a few days in our home. Uh, no. After we spent thousands of dollars eradicating the dander from our house and countless ER visits and doctor's visits, not to mention all the meds #2 had to be put on.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I understand those with extreme reactions not going.

There is a difference between an asthma attack and just not liking the smell.

Tangerine · Guru

We had to give up on our annual pool party. Bunny was sick for a week afterwards everytime. Sadly, I took a couple of years to figure out that it was all the cig arête smoke.
When we told people they would need to actually leave the backyard to smoke and definitely not smoke I. The pool, tbey did t want to come to our party anymore.

FNW · Guru

It took me a couple years and a doctor's diagnosis for me to figure it out, too. Don't beat yourself up, Tang. My in-laws still want to come, but they won't give up the animals.

ed11563 · Guru

FNW wrote:
I wish my in-laws were as concerned, DE. Mine don't care and in fact, SIL with all her dander, has invited herself to Thanksgiving this year and wants to stay for a few days in our home. Uh, no. After we spent thousands of dollars eradicating the dander from our house and countless ER visits and doctor's visits, not to mention all the meds #2 had to be put on.

Consider getting a jump suit (possibly from a surgical supply store), and when she arrives, give her the jump suit and a big plastic bag for her clothing. She changes into something dander / smoke free as soon as she gets there.

ladyloonatic · Regular

If LW doesn't want to attend because of the smoke, she shouldn't go. But I think she should let the kids go with their dad. In the future, if the kids don't want to go because the smoke bothers them, they shouldn't have to go.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
I understand those with extreme reactions not going.

There is a difference between an asthma attack and just not liking the smell.

And this is the problem. People think it's just about smell. It's not. Second hand smoke is horrible for people, and even without asthma, immediately makes the body react harshly. I cannot breathe around it, and I don't have asthma. My throat closes up and I instantly get a headache. And I grew up with it. I'm not exposing my kids to that. And smokers who disregard the second hand smoke issues are inconsiderate and in denial.

FNW · Guru

Ed, SIL wouldn't even remove her shoes when she was here briefly last time, despite the big, "please remove your shoes" sign on our back door.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

just Czech wrote:
I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!

The problem, Czech, is that is seems they have been upset about not being able to continue smoking in the FIL's house, so they have moved the party somewhere where they can smoke. That does not sound like they are going to be accomodating to such a request.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!
The problem, Czech, is that is seems they have been upset about not being able to continue smoking in the FIL's house, so they have moved the party somewhere where they can smoke. That does not sound like they are going to be accomodating to such a request.

Simply ask politely in advance. If the answer is no, don't go. They will get the message.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

just Czech wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!
The problem, Czech, is that is seems they have been upset about not being able to continue smoking in the FIL's house, so they have moved the party somewhere where they can smoke. That does not sound like they are going to be accomodating to such a request.
Simply ask politely in advance. If the answer is no, don't go. They will get the message.

One wonders how she already knows smoking will be permitted. It sounds like a discussion or announcement has already occurred.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!
The problem, Czech, is that is seems they have been upset about not being able to continue smoking in the FIL's house, so they have moved the party somewhere where they can smoke. That does not sound like they are going to be accomodating to such a request.
Simply ask politely in advance. If the answer is no, don't go. They will get the message.
One wonders how she already knows smoking will be permitted. It sounds like a discussion or announcement has already occurred.

She still has time to call them and ask politely for the event to be non-smoking while they are there.

If the answer is no, she has her answer and they (family) know what to expect (non attendance) the next time.

The family needs to be polite as well. It's for one day! It won't kill them to smoke outside for one day.

Gosh, both sides annoy the heck out of me.. It really isn't that hard to figure out.

-- Edited by just Czech on Thursday 15th of October 2015 09:57:33 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

just Czech wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I do not understand why people find it so hard to step out the back door to smoke when they have company. It's really not that hard.

I have not smoked in my own house for over 20 years.

Ask politely, not demandingly, and they will probably do exactly what you ask. When you go to someone's home, with conditions you demand, expect resistance. Change your attitude and ask courteously and they will usually comply. It's not rocket science.

It's for ONE night, not a week!
The problem, Czech, is that is seems they have been upset about not being able to continue smoking in the FIL's house, so they have moved the party somewhere where they can smoke. That does not sound like they are going to be accomodating to such a request.
Simply ask politely in advance. If the answer is no, don't go. They will get the message.
One wonders how she already knows smoking will be permitted. It sounds like a discussion or announcement has already occurred.

She still has time to call them and ask politely for the event to be non-smoking while they are there.
If the answer is no, she has her answer and they (family) know what to expect (non attendance) the next time.
The family needs to be polite as well. It's for one day! It won't kill them to smoke outside for one day.
Gosh, both sides annoy the heck out of me.. It really isn't that hard to figure out.

-- Edited by just Czech on Thursday 15th of October 2015 09:57:33 AM

I agree with you. I just know how stubborn some smokers can be.

TrudyML · Guru

I smoke. Never in anyones home. Or car.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
I smoke. Never in anyones home. Or car.

Because you're actually a mature adult, not a selfish loser.

flan

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

flan327 wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
I smoke. Never in anyones home. Or car.
Because you're actually a mature adult, not a selfish loser.
flan

Hey, stop maligning the word selfish! I know plenty of non-losers who are selfish. hmm

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

just Czech wrote:
flan327 wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
I smoke. Never in anyones home. Or car.
Because you're actually a mature adult, not a selfish loser.
flan
Hey, stop maligning the word selfish! I know plenty of non-losers who are selfish.

Yeah, I couldn't think of the right word...

flan

TrudyML · Guru

LOL!

No one even knows I smoke.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

TrudyML wrote:
LOL!

No one even knows I smoke.

See? Courteous smokers DO exist. Unfortunately, most of the ones I know live in denial of how bad it is and don't realize how it smells or affects others. If I wanted to smoke - I would. I shouldn't be forced to endure it.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
LOL!

No one even knows I smoke.

Well...except all of us... evileye

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
LOL!

No one even knows I smoke.
See? Courteous smokers DO exist. Unfortunately, most of the ones I know live in denial of how bad it is and don't realize how it smells or affects others. If I wanted to smoke - I would. I shouldn't be forced to endure it.

Everyone is floored when they figure it out. I never throw a butt end, either. That makes me crazy.

FNW · Guru

My uncle smoked but always took it outside, far away from anyone.

Ohfour · Hooker

I smoke. And no one can tell either. And we smoke inside. People are shocked when they find out.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Nope I wouldn't be going if people would be smoking inside. I can't believe anyone is actually saying you should just deal with it, and make children deal with it! It gives me a headache and makes me nauseous. I'm not doing that to myself or my kids.

I probably wouldn't have went even when I smoked- even then being in a smoky enclosed space bothered me.

FNW · Guru

I smoked when I was in school. Just a social smoker, but not in anyone's home or car. Outside. Still can't get rid of the smell from hair or clothes unless you shower and wash. Might be subtle, but it's there if someone gets close enough. I am overjoyed that they banned it from restaurants and office buildings. Does anyone remember when it was allowed in offices? I had a supervisor who chain smoked and try as she might to blow it behind her, the ventilation system always blew it back into the faces of anyone sitting in her office. Ugh.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.

That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.

Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".

Seriously.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".

One night a year, or ten, is not going to make a difference.

FNW · Guru

Choosing to stay home is not throwing a hissy fit either. The problem is her husband doesn't understand her hatred of smoke. He doesn't seem to see how it affects his wife's health. Or he doesn't care how it affects her, for just one day that turns into a week of misery. And since he grew up with it, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with exposing his children to it. He is the one she has a problem with, it sounds like.

huskerbb · Guru

FNW wrote:
Choosing to stay home is not throwing a hissy fit either. The problem is her husband doesn't understand her hatred of smoke. He doesn't seem to see how it affects his wife's health. Or he doesn't care how it affects her, for just one day that turns into a week of misery. And since he grew up with it, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with exposing his children to it. He is the one she has a problem with, it sounds like.

Exposing them for one night makes no difference. There is no health issue.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".
One night a year, or ten, is not going to make a difference.

But YOU don't get to make that decision for anyone but yourself & your family.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
FNW wrote:
Choosing to stay home is not throwing a hissy fit either. The problem is her husband doesn't understand her hatred of smoke. He doesn't seem to see how it affects his wife's health. Or he doesn't care how it affects her, for just one day that turns into a week of misery. And since he grew up with it, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with exposing his children to it. He is the one she has a problem with, it sounds like.
Exposing them for one night makes no difference. There is no health issue.

Several posters here have explained exactly HOW smoke affects them or their children.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".
One night a year, or ten, is not going to make a difference.
But YOU don't get to make that decision for anyone but yourself & your family.
flan

Therefore, the husband has every right to make that decision.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".
One night a year, or ten, is not going to make a difference.
But YOU don't get to make that decision for anyone but yourself & your family.
flan
Therefore, the husband has every right to make that decision.

Yes, and he can be an inconsiderate azz or a real husband.

flan

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I agree that if LW doesn't want to go she should stay home but allow the kids to go with their father to visit their relatives. If they come home sick then mom has the right to put her foot down & say no more. Which is highly doubtful.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

DH and I used to come down with a terrible sinus infection after smoke exposure. We used to like to bowl here but they still allowed smoking. We quit bowling because we always wound up with a sinus infection needing antibiotics. One of my friends has 2 cats and is a chain smoker. We had gone to her house for a party and we both got sick with sinus infections. We had to just stop going. I don't mind the smell of smoke. I don't even mind breathing it in a bit, IF we didn't have those issues. When I was younger, I did not have that issue so I didn't care. The new reality is that people don't want to be around cig smoke. If you want to see your family and grandkids, then you can smoke outside while they are there. If you don't really care if they come or not and you want to say "your house, your rules", then that is fine too. It's your choice either way.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nope. Don't go. Smokers should not be smoking in an enclosed space with children. If they are too fvcking rude and ignorant to know that, they don't deserve your time.
That's absurd. Youndontn have the right to dictate what goes on in another persons home, and throwing a hissynfit because you dont get your way says a lot more about you than them.
Choosing to protect your lungs and your children is not "throwing a hissy fit".
One night a year, or ten, is not going to make a difference.

I agree with that if you are coming down with the problems I mentioned before. Yeah, breathing in some smoke isn't a big deal. People sit by campfires and breathe in smoke.