TOTALLY GEEKED!

Dear Prudence,
I am a woman expecting my first child with my husband of three years. My husband’s father is a family doctor but used to deliver babies many years ago. I have always found the openness between my husband and his father concerning any and all medical issues strange, but just chalked it up to not ever having a doctor in the family. However, we just told him that we are expecting, and he went straight into doctor-mode with me, making me very uncomfortable. He asked many questions about my uterus, told me many gruesome details about pregnancy and childbirth, and even went in to feel my stomach to see if my uterus was expanding! While nothing he does is outside the scope of what would go on in a doctor’s office, I still get such a creepy vibe from it. I freaked out a little and shut the conversation down when I can. My husband thinks I am incredibly rude and that he is just a doctor relating to me the only way he knows. To me he is simply “father-in-law.” I know he has good intentions, but I’m still uncomfortable and hate that my husband doesn’t see things from my point of view. How do I manage the rest of this pregnancy in a way that we can all keep the peace? - Not Touchy


Dear Touchy,
There’s a reason doctors are not supposed to treat family members. In your case the reason can be summed up as, “Blech!” I’ll give you a circumstance under which your father-in-law can be excused for mucking around in your uterus. Let’s say you’re in a family caravan on the way to grandmother’s house for Easter dinner, you start crowning in the back seat, and father-in-law steps in and delivers his grandchild. Otherwise, he needs to butt out and keep his hands off. He’s your father-in-law first and a doctor second. Of course he shouldn’t “examine” you while socializing. But since you say you find the relationship between your husband and his father regarding medical issues to be bizarre, this does sound like the norm for how the family takes advantage of free medical services. What you want to get across to your husband is that you have a totally different comfort level that must be respected, not that dad is a creep and everyone in the family is sick. Tell him you’ve never had a doctor in the family, and you are made profoundly uncomfortable at the thought of your relationship with your father-in-law turning into a medical one. Tell your husband you would appreciate if he would tell his father that you are squeamish about graphic medical talk and also don’t want your father-in-law monitoring your pregnancy progress. Let’s hope your husband quickly comes around to your view. But whether or not he has that conversation with his father, when dad crosses the line, stop the conversation, step away, and assure him you are already getting excellent medical care.


—Prudie