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ed11563


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Q. Thanksgiving Prayer ... Dread!: Thanksgiving will soon be here. Each year we gather for a festive and warm time at my parents’ home with my siblings and all our spouses and children. My family are Christians who are active in the Episcopal Church. Faith is a very positive experience to us and inspires us to be good to others. My husband is an atheist. Last year, to everyone’s shock, he volunteered to give the blessing at Thanksgiving. However, instead of a prayer he took us all by surprise with a two-minute rant about “the myth of God.” Everyone was upset, and it ruined the meal. My husband just sat there with a grin on his face and ate. This caused numerous arguments between us since. I respect his nonbelief but not his in-your-face approach. Last night he just informed me he plans to wear a T-shirt to Thanksgiving this year with a dead frog nailed to a cross with the words “He died for you.” Well, we had the fight to outdo all other fights. Still, he insists on wearing the T-shirt for all to see on Thanksgiving. He admits he wants to see my family “blow a gasket.” Please give me some coaching on how to be direct with him. Frankly, Prudence, if he follows through with this childishness it may cause me to leave him.

A: I wish you had explained if your husband is a massive jerk the other 364 days a year. I am doubting that your doubter only enjoys making others squirm on Thanksgiving. What he did is grotesque, and if he can’t see he was in the wrong and needed to apologize, he must have redeeming qualities that helped you get through another year with him. You need to talk turkey with him. Tell him if he insists on wearing the crucified frog T-shirt, he is not welcome at your family table. Stay calm and explain that if he knows he can’t be a respectful guest, you must disinvite him because you will not subject your family to his behavior two years in a row. Tell him that while you completely respect his right to his own views on religion, his insulting and insensitive behavior is forcing you to re-examine whether you can continue in this marriage.

 



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Lexxy


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What an Azzhat! I would tell him he is not welcome to come to dinner. Done & done.

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Lindley


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Her husband not only sounds immature but a massive jerk... He knows full well his wife's family are believers and instead of not only disrespecting their beliefs but their home too. His wife should just tell him to stay at home and go alone.

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Ohfour


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I would separate from him. That is totally unacceptable. I would not live with a person that would do this to anyone, much less my family...

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FNW


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Oh wow. What an a-hole.

Personally, that would be a deal-breaker for me. Not just because of his beliefs, but because of his complete disregard for her feelings and the feelings of her family. And before someone says what about his feelings, why should he be subjected to prayer when he doesn't believe, because they are at her parents' home, not his. If he doesn't want to participate in the blessing, excuse yourself to the John or merely think happy thoughts about the planetary alignment or some other miracle of nature that suits him.

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Tangerine


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This guy is a tool. I hope she divorces him.
Why would anyone be so antagonistic to their inlaws instead of just keeping their mouth shut?
It makes me think he doesn't like his wife very much.

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Lexxy


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FNW wrote:

Oh wow. What an a-hole.

Personally, that would be a deal-breaker for me. Not just because of his beliefs, but because of his complete disregard for her feelings and the feelings of her family. And before someone says what about his feelings, why should he be subjected to prayer when he doesn't believe, because they are at her parents' home, not his. If he doesn't want to participate in the blessing, excuse yourself to the John or merely think happy thoughts about the planetary alignment or some other miracle of nature that suits him.

 Exactly!  I don't believe but I bow my head & sit there politely.



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just Czech


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Good gosh, grow a backbone, woman. Kick his arse to the curb.

He's not only disrespectful to her family, but also to her by being disrespectful to her family.

He's a loser.

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TrudyML


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just Czech wrote:

Good gosh, grow a backbone, woman. Kick his arse to the curb.

He's not only disrespectful to her family, but also to her by being disrespectful to her family.

He's a loser.

I burst out laughing at 'He's a loser'

 

Czechie you made my day! 



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just Czech


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smile



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Lawyerlady


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He is a complete idiot, and she should tell him flat out he's not invited to dinner, and hope he enjoys his frozen turkey potpie on Thanksgiving. He's disrespectful, rude to his hosts, and a boor. And I'd be making his life a living hell at home.

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chef


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LW's DH's behavior is something I've never understood about nonbelievers. It's one thing to not believe. It's quite another to mock someone's religion. The latter is rude and juvenile. Every time I see that behavior I wonder why the nonbeliever is so threatened by the person's religion that he/she feels the need to mock that person's religion.

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ed11563


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chef wrote:

LW's DH's behavior is something I've never understood about nonbelievers. It's one thing to not believe. It's quite another to mock someone's religion. The latter is rude and juvenile. Every time I see that behavior I wonder why the nonbeliever is so threatened by the person's religion that he/she feels the need to mock that person's religion.

Possibly they're just very angry people. 



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Yes. What chef says. It's okay NOT to believe. If I went to a gathering of a bunch of atheists I would not stand there and scream GOD IS ALIVE! This guy is doing more than not believing. He's mocking other people's belief systems. It's NOT okay and it's NOT right. He wouldn't go to the family gathering for sure. And with that much disrespect for me and my family I don't know if I could stay married to him.

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lilyofcourse


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Sounds par for the course for the atheists I've come across.

They love needling believers.

I don't understand why she married him in the first place.

If your Faith is that important to you, wouldn't you want to marry someone who shared that Faith?

This is what is meant in the Bible about being equally yoked.


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Lexxy


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I wish she had indicated how long they have been married. This sounds random & out of the blue. I'm wondering if maybe her family members have been preaching to him & he got fed up. Still an azzhat thing to do & would thoroughly embarrass & piss me off & no he would not be attending family dinner this year.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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lilyofcourse wrote:

Sounds par for the course for the atheists I've come across.

They love needling believers.

I don't understand why she married him in the first place.

If your Faith is that important to you, wouldn't you want to marry someone who shared that Faith?

This is what is meant in the Bible about being equally yoked.

 Maybe she wasn't a believer when she married him.



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lilyofcourse


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Says their Faith is important to the whole family.


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Nobody Just Nobody


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But that doesn't mean she couldn't have strayed from what her parents taught her and then come back.

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Lindley


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It happens all the time. My mom didn't marry a believer, he never made fun of my mom's belief, my sister didn't marry a believer neither marriage. They later became believers but weren't at the time they got married. Neither one of them made fun of anyones belief. This guy is a big Jerk..

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lilyofcourse


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

But that doesn't mean she couldn't have strayed from what her parents taught her and then come back.

 True.

But generally, even if one strays, their Faith, or beliefs, are just as important to them.

 



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I think he is an azz too because he intends to offend. I have to wonder, though, how welcome they make him feel. Perhaps he feels forced to share in a prayer when the family already knows he doesn't believe and after all those years he is giving them a taste of their own medicine.

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Lawyerlady


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I think he is an azz too because he intends to offend. I have to wonder, though, how welcome they make him feel. Perhaps he feels forced to share in a prayer when the family already knows he doesn't believe and after all those years he is giving them a taste of their own medicine.

 Forced to share in prayer?  You mean on Thanksgiving, before the meal, in a Christian home?  If THAT makes him uncomfortable enough he wants to use it as an excuse to be a complete and utter dickhead, then he should have stopped attending years ago. 



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Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I think he is an azz too because he intends to offend. I have to wonder, though, how welcome they make him feel. Perhaps he feels forced to share in a prayer when the family already knows he doesn't believe and after all those years he is giving them a taste of their own medicine.

 Forced to share in prayer?  You mean on Thanksgiving, before the meal, in a Christian home?  If THAT makes him uncomfortable enough he wants to use it as an excuse to be a complete and utter dickhead, then he should have stopped attending years ago. 

 Well of course if he feels that way he should stop going.  I was just putting the thought out there.



-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Thursday 5th of November 2015 06:21:11 AM

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Lawyerlady


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I think he is an azz too because he intends to offend. I have to wonder, though, how welcome they make him feel. Perhaps he feels forced to share in a prayer when the family already knows he doesn't believe and after all those years he is giving them a taste of their own medicine.

 Forced to share in prayer?  You mean on Thanksgiving, before the meal, in a Christian home?  If THAT makes him uncomfortable enough he wants to use it as an excuse to be a complete and utter dickhead, then he should have stopped attending years ago. 

 Well of course if he feels that way he should stop going.  I was just putting the thought out there.



-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Thursday 5th of November 2015 06:21:11 AM

The thought sounded like they were doing something offensive to him by praying in their own home. 



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LawyerLady

 

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What a jerk! Another case of someone trying to co-opt an event and make it All About Them.

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