TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Online BF Committed Suicide and my parents don't understand my grief

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Umm......

Ok.

I don't get it either.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Why not? She was talking to a REAL person. I assume you and the others here are actually REAL people? But, yes, she can't really expect her parents to understand online relationships either. They probably don't get it. But, if she is trouble dealing with it, then yes, she should go talk to someone.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Hey, strong bonds can be made online. I'm not doubting that.

But not to the extent of a real, face to face, able to touch, relationship.

Sorry.

Perspective.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:

Hey, strong bonds can be made online. I'm not doubting that.

But not to the extent of a real, face to face, able to touch, relationship.

Sorry.

Perspective.

So, the death of a REAL, actual human being is of no consequence?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

That is not what I am saying.

It's sad her friend died. Mourn the loss.

But to spiral into depression over someone you've never been in the same state with. Never in the same room.

I've had a very dear, online friend die. It was sad. I cried when she died. I still miss her and that was years ago.

But it isn't the same as a real life, able to touch them friend.

FNW · Guru

She's 20. She thought it was real and she was in love. It may not seem real to us, but it was real to her.

I had an on-line friend I played games with. For over 10 years. He stopped making his moves on the game. I did a little digging and found his obituary. It hit me harder than I imagined it would. The weird part was, I was also playing with another woman (who is a FB friend as well) who lived in his area so I told her about him. He had been married to her sister and she knew him. Small world!

Ohfour · Hooker

I've never met many of you. But I would be really upset if many of you died.

FNW · Guru

Same here, ohfour.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I get being upset and sad.

I do.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Its a Real Life person Lilly. A human being. Geez. I guess you really arent human if u havent met in person.

Lindley · Guru

Both my kids met and corresponded over the internet their spouses. Their feelings were very real and are now very happily married. You do form a bond and I believe spend more time communicating and getting to know each other and about each other more without the raging hormones getting in the way. My son fell in love with his wife before he even met her in person. She is a lovely, kind hearted, intelligent young woman and that is what kept him interested.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Her grief is real. Not sure why it needs to be invalidated. However she does have to figure out a way to mourn him and then move on. And she cant expect her parents to really understand this.

Lindley · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Her grief is real. Not sure why it needs to be invalidated. However she does have to figure out a way to mourn him and then move on. And she cant expect her parents to really understand this.

I agree, she needs to find a support group or someone to talk to. I feel so sorry for her. She needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to understand how real her feelings are.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Ohfour wrote:
I've never met many of you. But I would be really upset if many of you died.

Same here. I can understand her grief.

FNW · Guru

I met my husband on-line. He fell in love with me before he spoke to me. He grew to love me more after we met.

My law school BFF fell in love with her (late) husband on the phone. Sure, they had met (he was her plastic surgeon), but they really got to know each other through phone calls.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I would be devastated if something happened to most of you.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I have a very good friend that I have never met in person. We "met" on the old MSN board. We started talking on the phone & now years later we still have our Friday night Happy Hour every week. I would be heartbroken if she died.

The LW was in love with her online man. Her grief is very real. Her parents probably don't understand how bonded people can become online because they have never done it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

The LW is entitled to her grief. She did form a relationship via phone and video over a period of time. There is nothing wrong with that.

The parents are out of touch with their dd's emotions. They need to back off.

I would also be very upset at the loss of any member of this board.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I never met Patti but was so saddened and upset when she passed. Same with Silverfox. I have had online friends that I felt strongly about. I don't think it's weird at all. And she's mourning. It's real.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Exactly.

Her feelings are real to her and that is what counts.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Patti and I used to talk all the time. We pm'ed a lot and then ended up chatting on FB. She was so kind and sweet. I prayed until the very end for her. I know how much she loved her son and grandson. She hung on so long for them. I really miss her sometimes.

karl271 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I would be devastated if something happened to most of you.

OK... So maybe not so devastated for some of us?? LOL

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

karl271 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I would be devastated if something happened to most of you.
OK... So maybe not so devastated for some of us?? LOL

No comment except that I might be slightly devastated if something happened to you, Karl. wink

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Why not? She was talking to a REAL person. I assume you and the others here are actually REAL people? But, yes, she can't really expect her parents to understand online relationships either. They probably don't get it. But, if she is trouble dealing with it, then yes, she should go talk to someone.

You don't know that. She doesn't know that. How does she even know he committed suicide?

It was real in her mind, and that counts for something--but sorry, relationships that are 100% online and you NEVER meet in person are just not the same as ones where you do.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Its a Real Life person Lilly. A human being. Geez. I guess you really arent human if u havent met in person.

You don't know that. She doesn't know that. She doesn't even know if he is dead, or the circumstances surrounding it.

huskerbb · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Both my kids met and corresponded over the internet their spouses. Their feelings were very real and are now very happily married. You do form a bond and I believe spend more time communicating and getting to know each other and about each other more without the raging hormones getting in the way. My son fell in love with his wife before he even met her in person. She is a lovely, kind hearted, intelligent young woman and that is what kept him interested.

Not the same thing. They actually, you know, MET IN PERSON.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It is the height of......something really stupid, selfish and arrogant.....to tell another person what they can grieve over and how much.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Its a Real Life person Lilly. A human being. Geez. I guess you really arent human if u havent met in person.
You don't know that. She doesn't know that. She doesn't even know if he is dead, or the circumstances surrounding it.

That is a possibility. She did Skype him but who knows? Or it could have been a way to break it off with her as well. People are whacked. And, there are different levels of mourning. She shouldn't run out and throw herself on the funeral pyre. And, you don't mourn some acquaintance the way you other family members. Yes, she can mourn and feel that loss. But, she needs to move on with her life as well.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. That is very true. You can share happiness. Grief is very personal.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Ohfour wrote:
I've never met many of you. But I would be really upset if many of you died.

evileye

FNW · Guru

It might be that her parents are thinking she may have dodged a bullet due to the manner of his death? One thing about suicide is that sometimes they end up harming others in the process.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Its a Real Life person Lilly. A human being. Geez. I guess you really arent human if u havent met in person.
You don't know that. She doesn't know that. She doesn't even know if he is dead, or the circumstances surrounding it.

That is a possibility. She did Skype him but who knows? Or it could have been a way to break it off with her as well. People are whacked. And, there are different levels of mourning. She shouldn't run out and throw herself on the funeral pyre. And, you don't mourn some acquaintance the way you other family members. Yes, she can mourn and feel that loss. But, she needs to move on with her life as well.

And I think to demand all this empathy and understanding from parents who A). never met him and B). are probably skeptical about him and the circumstances, anyway--is a bit silly.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Wow.

Tunes change quickly depending on who is posting.

Lindley · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lindley wrote:
Both my kids met and corresponded over the internet their spouses. Their feelings were very real and are now very happily married. You do form a bond and I believe spend more time communicating and getting to know each other and about each other more without the raging hormones getting in the way. My son fell in love with his wife before he even met her in person. She is a lovely, kind hearted, intelligent young woman and that is what kept him interested.
Not the same thing. They actually, you know, MET IN PERSON.

Their feelings were real before they met in person. Yes it deepens once they met but my point is that if something had happened to their person of interest they would have been very upset.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Wow.

Tunes change quickly depending on who is posting.

No change in tune if u mean me. Yes she is mourning. Yes it is possible she is catfished but also possible she isnt. If he is then that is a tragic loss and yes she will mourn. However there are diferrent degrees of loss. And she can mourn but needs to move on and not expect her parents to really get it. Not sure how many ways i can say the same darn thing?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think here the biggest thing to mourn is the case of what might be. Some people think that's stupid but when you grow close to someone in a romantic way and their life is cut short before the relationship either ends or furthers itself it's normal to think about the what if's. I don't find that weird at all.