DEAR ABBY: Last year my boyfriend and I moved across the country to Arizona so he could be closer to his friends and family. My entire family lives on the East Coast.
Recently it seems like our plan to marry and start a family keeps getting pushed further and further into the future. I'm 35; he's 47. Neither of us has been married or has kids.
I'm beginning to regret having uprooted my life for someone who is unilaterally changing the timing of what I thought we both wanted. How long should I wait before cutting my losses and moving closer to the people I care for and who miss me? -- ALONE IN THE DESERT
DEAR ALONE: If you haven't already, it's time to have a conversation with your boyfriend about what your expectations were when you made the move to Arizona. If you want to have children, you will be getting a late start as it is.
Ask him why he wants to postpone your wedding plans beyond what you had agreed upon. He may have cold feet, his friends or relatives may have said they don't care for you -- anything is possible. But you deserve straight answers, and if they aren't satisfactory, I see no reason to devote more time to a relationship that isn't working out.
Why would you turn your entire life upside down over a maybe?
Should have gotten married before moving.
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Why are women sooo dumb? Um, he's 47. Pee or get off the pot. Why move in with someone if you want marriage? Um, no. I am not moving in to do your laundry. And, she's 35. You better start ASAP lady or you aren't going to have any kids. That's the biological reality.
Why would you turn your entire life upside down over a maybe?
Should have gotten married before moving.
This.
I remember DH bringing up the subject of moving in together. Uh, no. I'm not going to sell my home and give up my independence to play house. Pretty much used those words, too. He said he meant and get married. I told him to let me know when he was certain.
I uprooted and moved across the country to move in with a guy before we were married. I am so grateful that I did because if we had gotten married first I would have been screwed. The moment I was in his house he was a different person.
Had we been married leaving would have been a disaster. As it was, I packed my suitcase and left. The shipment of the rest of my stuff from storage hadn't been mobilized yet so was easy to cancel. Thank goodness this woman didn't marry this man already.
I've made alot of mistakes with guys but I have never nor will I ever move to be with someone I'm not married to. Nor will I share money or have our names on any document together.
Nope. No way
Couldn't that have been discovered by just visiting, Tig?
Nope - apparently he could mask it for periods of time that were ending. We visited back and forth a number of times. It wasn't till he thought it was permanent that stuff started changing.
