TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Save the tape?

huskerbb · Guru

I thought the letter about the "plus one" was more interesting.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

If she really wants to get back at her siblings, send each niece and newphew a copy for xmas with a note about how horrible their parents were growing up. Or just toss the tape and keep family relationships intact.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
I thought the letter about the "plus one" was more interesting.

Did you post it here for discussion?

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I thought the letter about the "plus one" was more interesting.
Did you post it here for discussion?

its hard for me to cut and paste from this device.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I thought it was going to be about actual tape.

As for the video.

Share it. It'll be fun.

No ugly duckling to a swan story. So what?

To give the past so much control over the present is just flat out stupid and childish.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I thought it was going to be about actual tape.

As for the video.

Share it. It'll be fun.

No ugly duckling to a swan story. So what?

To give the past so much control over the present is just flat out stupid and childish.

It's not about control, and I'm the last one to say that anyone should let their past dictate their present or future--but what's the point here? You have pictures and video to relive good memories--not to dredge up past painful events. I think the LW had rather moved on, but seeing the video reminded her of some bad childhood memories. There's no point in bringing those back up now, or any other Christmas.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Fine.

But why say anything to the others about it in the first place?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I still don't see the bullying.

Siblings often makes jokes and take digs at each others.

Sometimes it's funny and others laugh.

I'm tired of everything the least bit "not pleasant" being called bullying.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Nasty nicknames, making fun of her weight, snarky comments about not being developed at 13?
No, sorry, that sounds like bullying.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Doesn't to me.

Sounds like siblings being siblings.

And we don't know to what extent.

It could be one or two jokes or it could have lasted an hour.

So no. Not calling sibling bantering bullying.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Some people really do have awful siblings, Lily. You and I may not be from one of those families, but they are out there.

Name calling was never allowed in our family, ever.

And yes, kids do know how to annoy the cRap out of each other.

The LW's feelings are just a legitimate as anyone else's.

Personally, I would have more fun using the tapes to blackmail my siblings. They may not want their own kids to know about their bullying history. As in, "See, your dad really was a nasty bully as a kid!" type thing.

The LW can turn the tapes into a positive if she chooses. Or simply destroy them if they bother her so much.

I would still keep the tape. biggrin

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Fine.

But why say anything to the others about it in the first place?

I will agree that was dumb.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know there are actual cases of siblings bullying each other.

My thing is that everything not nice is labeled bullying these days.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I know there are actual cases of siblings bullying each other.

My thing is that everything not nice is labeled bullying these days.

splitting hairs. I wouldn't want to constantly rewatch a video of people who are not nice, either.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Fine.

But why say anything to the others about it in the first place?

Likely they ALL remember the tape.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Doesn't to me.

Sounds like siblings being siblings.

And we don't know to what extent.

It could be one or two jokes or it could have lasted an hour.

So no. Not calling sibling bantering bullying.

My kids never acted like that.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Fine.

But why say anything to the others about it in the first place?
Likely they ALL remember the tape.
flan

She didn't. At least she didn't remember what was on it. Even if they remembered, its not like they'd been asking about it and if they did, she could have told them she didn't have it or it got destroyed. now they are expecting it.

it was a dumb move to offer it before she viewed it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Nasty nicknames, making fun of her weight, snarky comments about not being developed at 13?
No, sorry, that sounds like bullying.

Or, a brother or big sis. evileye

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Fine.

But why say anything to the others about it in the first place?
Likely they ALL remember the tape.
flan

I doubt it. And, if they do, they don't remember it like her. But, it isnt only all about her either. It is THEIR history too.

chef · Guru

I have to wonder what her relationship with her siblings is like now. Do they still make rude comments about her size?

huskerbb · Guru

I also kind of wonder if it is truly as bad as she says, but we'll have no way of knowing that.

chef · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
I also kind of wonder if it is truly as bad as she says, but we'll have no way of knowing that.

How bad it was is subjective. It's going to seem horrible to her because she was the one the comments were directed at. Her siblings and mom would likely say they were just joking. Not everyone understands how badly their words hurt someone. To others, it may seem not so bad or not bad at all.

In my family, such a video would still get laughed at but we're a rather smart assed bunch and our sense of humor can be quite wicked.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Nasty nicknames, making fun of her weight, snarky comments about not being developed at 13?
No, sorry, that sounds like bullying.
Or, a brother or big sis.

No. I don't allow my children to talk to each other like that. Why should they treat strangers better than they would treat their family?!

No name calling, no teasing, no hitting. We treat each other with love and respect.

Ilumine · Regular

My sister and brother and I were typical siblings. We teased each other, we held each other down for noggies, and we fought.

But we were NEVER cruel. Commenting on weight or acne or body development (or lack there of) never crossed our minds.

WHY? Becuase family is supposed to support and build you up, not tear you down. And while it may not cross the threshold of bullying, their lack of common courtesy and respect for another human being, let alone a family member does not need to be relived and most definitely does not need to be shown to the next generation.

God knows, this is not behavior that Christ would have approved of, especially within the family.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

My kids and I talk smack to each other all the time.

Cheese head, goof ball, numb skull.

We crack jokes and poke fun at each other.

It really gets them when I throw in a "yo momma".

I guess if someone heard us, they might think we were being mean to each other.

The thing I was trying to say is, everything seems to get the label of bullying these days. Everything.

And 9 times out of ten, it just isnt.

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I also kind of wonder if it is truly as bad as she says, but we'll have no way of knowing that.
How bad it was is subjective. It's going to seem horrible to her because she was the one the comments were directed at. Her siblings and mom would likely say they were just joking. Not everyone understands how badly their words hurt someone. To others, it may seem not so bad or not bad at all.
In my family, such a video would still get laughed at but we're a rather smart assed bunch and our sense of humor can be quite wicked.

No, it's not simply subjective. Some people are just too thin skinned. I don't know if that is the case here, we just don't know what is on that tape.

However, she had it in HER possession. SHE offered to copy it for her siblings. If she didn't like what was on it--that was beyond STUPID.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ilumine wrote:
My sister and brother and I were typical siblings. We teased each other, we held each other down for noggies, and we fought.

But we were NEVER cruel. Commenting on weight or acne or body development (or lack there of) never crossed our minds.

WHY? Becuase family is supposed to support and build you up, not tear you down. And while it may not cross the threshold of bullying, their lack of common courtesy and respect for another human being, let alone a family member does not need to be relived and most definitely does not need to be shown to the next generation.

God knows, this is not behavior that Christ would have approved of, especially within the family.

Exactly how I feel too! Perfectly said.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Nasty nicknames, making fun of her weight, snarky comments about not being developed at 13?
No, sorry, that sounds like bullying.
Or, a brother or big sis.
No. I don't allow my children to talk to each other like that. Why should they treat strangers better than they would treat their family?!
No name calling, no teasing, no hitting. We treat each other with love and respect.

I agree. But, let's not pretend that sibs don't sometimes interact in that way even if you dont' approve. But, regardless, i presume it is over. So, it just seems that people today cannot put the past behind them and instead want to churn it up as if others can somehow do something about it. It's over. So, ok , don't make the tape. Just leave it lay. Most likely they will all forget about it.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Her parents participated in it. When her mother came into the room and saw what was happening , she joined in. She didn't stop it and make everyone apologize to the OP and send them to their rooms to thin about how cruel they had been. It was sanctioned. That's the difference to me. That and the cruelness of the words used. Not the typical "you are a slob" stuff, but much more cruel.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
Her parents participated in it. When her mother came into the room and saw what was happening , she joined in. She didn't stop it and make everyone apologize to the OP and send them to their rooms to thin about how cruel they had been. It was sanctioned. That's the difference to me. That and the cruelness of the words used. Not the typical "you are a slob" stuff, but much more cruel.

That's a BIG red flag to me.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
My sister and brother and I were typical siblings. We teased each other, we held each other down for noggies, and we fought.

But we were NEVER cruel. Commenting on weight or acne or body development (or lack there of) never crossed our minds.

WHY? Becuase family is supposed to support and build you up, not tear you down. And while it may not cross the threshold of bullying, their lack of common courtesy and respect for another human being, let alone a family member does not need to be relived and most definitely does not need to be shown to the next generation.

God knows, this is not behavior that Christ would have approved of, especially within the family.
Exactly how I feel too! Perfectly said.

Another

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

"My mom also comes by at one point and cackles at the jokes." That doesn't necessarily indicate active participation.

And, frankly, I have seen my share of people that make victim stories out of the most minute things.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"My mom also comes by at one point and cackles at the jokes." That doesn't necessarily indicate active participation.

And, frankly, I have seen my share of people that make victim stories out of the most minute things.

Coming into the room, observing what was going on, and laughing at it without stopping it - that's participating in it. The mother was the adult, the one responsible for making sure all her children felt safe and loved. Not stopping it was participating actively in my opinion. That is a sorry excuse for a mother.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"My mom also comes by at one point and cackles at the jokes." That doesn't necessarily indicate active participation.

And, frankly, I have seen my share of people that make victim stories out of the most minute things.
Coming into the room, observing what was going on, and laughing at it without stopping it - that's participating in it. The mother was the adult, the one responsible for making sure all her children felt safe and loved. Not stopping it was participating actively in my opinion. That is a sorry excuse for a mother.

Seriously? You can't judge someone on ONE incident. Wow. We have so many people now that can't act like functional adults because someone called them a Poo Poo head when they were 5. Part of being an adult is realizing that your parents were less than perfect people too. If they are so horrible, then the OP should cut off contact with all of them .

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
"My mom also comes by at one point and cackles at the jokes." That doesn't necessarily indicate active participation.

And, frankly, I have seen my share of people that make victim stories out of the most minute things.
Coming into the room, observing what was going on, and laughing at it without stopping it - that's participating in it. The mother was the adult, the one responsible for making sure all her children felt safe and loved. Not stopping it was participating actively in my opinion. That is a sorry excuse for a mother.

Seriously? You can't judge someone on ONE incident. Wow. We have so many people now that can't act like functional adults because someone called them a Poo Poo head when they were 5. Part of being an adult is realizing that your parents were less than perfect people too. If they are so horrible, then the OP should cut off contact with all of them .

Exactly.

Again, I'd like to know what is really on that tape. I'm betting it's not nearly as bad as she makes out, but she's still sensitive about her weight.

It was dumb to even bring it up if she didn't like what was on it, though. It's hard to believe she had completely forgotten.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, but SHE forgot, but God knows, there is no way THEY forgot. It's funny how we apply different standards to others than we do ourselves. She didn't remember but they SHOULD have. People who talk a lot in what others "should" do are the ones who seem to have the most problems in life.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

It's possible that the family owned more than one tape and she had no idea what was on this one other than it was old family footage. Once she saw what it was, that changed everything.

And yes, I can judge a person who laughs at her own child being picked on by her siblings. That is disgusting behavior out of an adult, and especially out of a parent.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

HER intrepretation isn't necessarily what happened. It isnt' necessarily what mom was doing. Mom could have been thinking about a whole host of things. THere are lots of times i am in the same room as my children doing my thing, focusing on other things, blah, blah. How about she actually acts like a Grown Up. Say to your sibs, there some hurtful things said to me on this video so i have decided i am not going to turn it into copies to distribute.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
It's possible that the family owned more than one tape and she had no idea what was on this one other than it was old family footage. Once she saw what it was, that changed everything.

And yes, I can judge a person who laughs at her own child being picked on by her siblings. That is disgusting behavior out of an adult, and especially out of a parent.

She should have previewed it before she made the offer. That was DUMB not doing so.

ed11563 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
HER intrepretation isn't necessarily what happened. It isnt' necessarily what mom was doing. Mom could have been thinking about a whole host of things. THere are lots of times i am in the same room as my children doing my thing, focusing on other things, blah, blah. How about she actually acts like a Grown Up. Say to your sibs, there some hurtful things said to me on this video so i have decided i am not going to turn it into copies to distribute.

If she does this, that will make everyone else really really want to see it.

And anyone can take it to a store that will convert it to a DVD.

She doesn't want this to see daylight, so she needs to kill it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think destroying the only existing tape of her and her sibs is quite childish.

Lindley · Guru

Personally if I was being mean to my sister or brother I wouldn't want a tape to always remind me what a cruel brat I was. I might share the surviving tape with my siblings and if they want a copy they can make one.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

If it were me, I would go ahead and copy the tape for everyone as promised, but I would also let them know that it turned out to not be as enjoyable for me to watch as it might be for the rest of the family. Only that it was more a reminder of lifelong difficulties rather than happy nostalgia. It is what it is. You can't force a thick skin sometimes, no matter how hard you try.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Interpretation is important. While some families think it's fine and dandy to call someone fat, ugly, homely, or any other number of words other families don't. Even among family members some people are more sensitive than others. I don't think the whole world should become PC or that we need to run around constantly worrying about hurting everyone's feelings but come on, some of the things some people do are really arseholish. There's no way around that. I had horrible acne as a teen. No one in my family really made fun of me for it but things like that DO make you very self conscious while you're going through it. It's stupid to think otherwise.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Interpretation is important. While some families think it's fine and dandy to call someone fat, ugly, homely, or any other number of words other families don't. Even among family members some people are more sensitive than others. I don't think the whole world should become PC or that we need to run around constantly worrying about hurting everyone's feelings but come on, some of the things some people do are really arseholish. There's no way around that. I had horrible acne as a teen. No one in my family really made fun of me for it but things like that DO make you very self conscious while you're going through it. It's stupid to think otherwise.

Exactly. One of my sisters was always cutting me down. When I was little my other siblings stuck up for me. My mother or father never did. The same sis still to this day gets her digs in. I am so sensitive to the least little thing from her because of the history. Actually she cuts others down too. I wish I could let it go and ignore her all the time, but I can't always.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I have always called my sister out when she does her passive aggressive digs. Usually in real time with witnesses.....with a smile. She has been mighty embarrased and flustered.
She doesnt do it as much anymore, wonder why....

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

My brother and I were rotten to each other growing up.

But we wouldn't let anyone else get away with that crap either.

We fussed and fought like crazy. Called each other names, got each other in trouble, hurt each other.

But we stood up for each other too. And took care of each other and looked out for each other.

We could be the worst of enemies one minute and best of friends the next.

It's called growing up.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Not EVERY family is the same as yours, Lily. Thank goodness...

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
If she really wants to get back at her siblings, send each niece and newphew a copy for xmas with a note about how horrible their parents were growing up. Or just toss the tape and keep family relationships intact.

I didn't get the feeling she wanted to "get back at her siblings".