TOTALLY GEEKED!

Thanks, Ed.

First off, I would say that I would probably tend to let everyone bring a plus one. However, wedding budgets being what they sometimes are, that isn't always realistic.

So, how does one pare the guest list. Even if the LW ultimately decides not to attend due to this perceived slight, do you really think she'd have been happy by not making the cut at all? No way. She'd still have written in, it would just have been about how miffed she was at not being invited to a good friend's wedding.

Like it or not, if the guest list must be pared, cutting the plus ones is a place to start. The social convention is that you should be married or at least engaged to make the cut.

Plus, if you have a long time live in SO that isn't also friends with the bride or groom--that says something, too.

Invited 3 years go, before boyfriend moved in.

Ok. Not cohabitating at the time.

And now this one bothers her.

Maybe it isn't just not inviting the plus one that's the problem.

Maybe two weddings in three years and she is still playing house.

She seems to be under the delusion that cohabiting means something. It doesn't--well, at least not to anyone else.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Friday 27th of November 2015 01:06:43 PM

Sorry. Get on the pot and piss or get off.

I don't view living together, outside of marriage, as anything more.

If you are committed enough to live together, get married.

If you dont get married, don't get all offended when others see it as playing at being married.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Sorry. Get on the pot and piss or get off.

I don't view living together, outside of marriage, as anything more.

If you are committed enough to live together, get married.

If you dont get married, don't get all offended when others see it as playing at being married.

---

Most normal people don't.  I'm not playing at anything.  I'm living a real life that I've made for myself.  I really don't care how you and husker see it.  I'm happy.

msrock wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Sorry. Get on the pot and piss or get off.

I don't view living together, outside of marriage, as anything more.

If you are committed enough to live together, get married.

If you dont get married, don't get all offended when others see it as playing at being married.

---

Most normal people don't.  I'm not playing at anything.  I'm living a real life that I've made for myself.  I really don't care how you and husker see it.  I'm happy.

---

 That's fine if you are happy,  I'm not even commenting on the quality of the relationship because no outsider can determine that, anyway, which is the issue.  

What im saying is if you get invited to a wedding and boyfriend doesn't, as in this letter, you have no grounds to complain unless everyone else brings a plus one and you were the only one excluded.

huskerbb wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

---

Sorry. Get on the pot and piss or get off.

I don't view living together, outside of marriage, as anything more.

If you are committed enough to live together, get married.

If you dont get married, don't get all offended when others see it as playing at being married.

---

Most normal people don't.  I'm not playing at anything.  I'm living a real life that I've made for myself.  I really don't care how you and husker see it.  I'm happy.

---

 That's fine if you are happy,  I'm not even commenting on the quality of the relationship because no outsider can determine that, anyway, which is the issue.  

What im saying is if you get invited to a wedding and boyfriend doesn't, as in this letter, you have no grounds to complain unless everyone else brings a plus one and you were the only one excluded.

---

I don't ever get excluded.  I'm too much fun. 

 

I don't care if people live together. If they are living together I invite them to a party as a unit. Here's my ONLY issue with living together. I belong to a message board for step mom's. There are TONS of women on that board that are cohabiting with someone and then get angry because they are not given the same rights as a spouse. In MY state g/f's don't have the right to be involved in the child's school, medical decisions, or most other things. As a wife I am able to access SS's school info. I am able to make emergency medical decisions for him providing his parents aren't available. And there are other things that being a wife makes me able to do. For whatever reasons these couple don't get married and then the women get really angry that they don't have rights.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

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Not where I come from. 

msrock wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

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Not where I come from. 

---

 Yeah, I've never heard that.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

---

 Yep. Thats the way it is here. Married couples are ALWAYS invited as a unit. Not so much boyfriends/girlfriends...

flan327 wrote:

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weltschmerz wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Sorry. Get on the pot and piss or get off.

I don't view living together, outside of marriage, as anything more.

If you are committed enough to live together, get married.

If you dont get married, don't get all offended when others see it as playing at being married.

---

Most normal people don't.  I'm not playing at anything.  I'm living a real life that I've made for myself.  I really don't care how you and husker see it.  I'm happy.

---

Good for you! I consider a "de facto spouse" a spouse. Most folks up here do.

---

 You're an adult, which means...wait for it...you get to make your OWN decisions...

flan

---

 Yes you do. And others get to make a decision as to whether they want to invite your live in or not. Its just not always done here. 

msrock wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

---

Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

---

 Yep. Thats the way it is here. Married couples are ALWAYS invited as a unit. Not so much boyfriends/girlfriends...

---

Where I live, the envelope would be addressed Mr. and Mrs. John Smith... not Mr. John Smith and Guest.  

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 That's what confused me as well. If it's a "Plus One," then I would assume the person is not married.

flan

msrock wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

---

 Yep. Thats the way it is here. Married couples are ALWAYS invited as a unit. Not so much boyfriends/girlfriends...

---

Where I live, the envelope for a married couple would be addressed Mr. and Mrs. John Smith... not Mr. John Smith and Guest.  

-- Edited by msrock on Friday 27th of November 2015 03:51:58 PM

---

 Exactly.

Because they are a cohesive unit.

They are "one".

But a single person living with another or even a long term relationship is not the same as a married couple. 

So. There is no real reason to include that other single person in anything.

 

Where I live if you are married it would Mr. and Mrs. So and So. If you are not legally married it would be Mr. John Smith and Guest. Or Miss Susie Smith and Guest.

However, I will say if someone is living with someone they usually also get invited. It's just that they don't address the invite as married if they aren't.

Ohfour wrote:

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Thats exactly what i was trying to say. Married couples are always invited as a unit. You would never invite one spouse and not the other. Not true with live ins...

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I get that. You agreed with IKWTDS who said the plus one is a fiancé or spouse.  I had never heard of a spouse being a plus one before.  That's what confused me. 

msrock wrote:

---

Ohfour wrote:

---

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

---

Plus one is a fiance or your married-to-spouse. Does not include live ins or BFs/GFs unless the bride and groom specifically includes them.

---

 Yep. Thats the way it is here. Married couples are ALWAYS invited as a unit. Not so much boyfriends/girlfriends...

---

Where I live, the envelope for a married couple would be addressed Mr. and Mrs. John Smith... not Mr. John Smith and Guest.  

-- Edited by msrock on Friday 27th of November 2015 03:51:58 PM

---

 Where I live, the woman keeps her maiden name, so it wouldn't be Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.

If I marry a John Smith, I don't become Mrs. John Smith. i get to keep my own identity.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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How does taking your husband's name take away your identity?

---

 Wow!

Good luck, welts.

flan

This is one of my favorite quotes ever regarding togetherness... and marriage. It kind of defies the idea of "one". I will always be my own person and I can share who I am with my special person and we will thrive. Trust me. I don't need a marriage to do that, and when I do marry nothing will change but my last name.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

msrock wrote:

---

This is one of my favorite quotes ever regarding togetherness... and marriage. It kind of defies the idea of "one". I will always be my own person and I can share who I am with my special person and we will thrive. Trust me. I don't need a marriage to do that, and when I do marry nothing will change but my last name.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

---

 And, until you actually get married, you are not. So you don't get the benefits of being married.

Which includes invitations that don't have to be clarified or manipulated to include those playing at being married.

lilyofcourse wrote:

---

msrock wrote:

---

This is one of my favorite quotes ever regarding togetherness... and marriage. It kind of defies the idea of "one". I will always be my own person and I can share who I am with my special person and we will thrive. Trust me. I don't need a marriage to do that, and when I do marry nothing will change but my last name.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

---

 And, until you actually get married, you are not. So you don't get the benefits of being married.

Which includes invitations that don't have to be clarified or manipulated to include those playing at being married.

---

 I get invitations to everything.  I'm that fun!  lol! I don't know where you live but man you sound repressed.  Nobody lives like that here.

msrock wrote:

---

lilyofcourse wrote:

---

msrock wrote:

---

This is one of my favorite quotes ever regarding togetherness... and marriage. It kind of defies the idea of "one". I will always be my own person and I can share who I am with my special person and we will thrive. Trust me. I don't need a marriage to do that, and when I do marry nothing will change but my last name.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

---

 And, until you actually get married, you are not. So you don't get the benefits of being married.

Which includes invitations that don't have to be clarified or manipulated to include those playing at being married.

---

 I get invitations to everything.  I'm that fun!  lol! I don't know where you live but man you sound repressed.  Nobody lives like that here.

---

 It's cute how you skirt around the point.

 

flan327 wrote:

---

msrock wrote:

---

lilyofcourse wrote:

---

msrock wrote:

---

This is one of my favorite quotes ever regarding togetherness... and marriage. It kind of defies the idea of "one". I will always be my own person and I can share who I am with my special person and we will thrive. Trust me. I don't need a marriage to do that, and when I do marry nothing will change but my last name.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

---

 And, until you actually get married, you are not. So you don't get the benefits of being married.

Which includes invitations that don't have to be clarified or manipulated to include those playing at being married.

---

 I get invitations to everything.  I'm that fun!  lol! I don't know where you live but man you sound repressed.  Nobody lives like that here.

---

 It's not where she lives, it's what she chooses to believe.

flan

---

Well the people I know.... and I know a lot of wonderful people by the way, fantastic, caring, beautiful people..  tremendous people (that one's for Trump ).  They don't share those views.  Me and my SO are respected and loved.  Both sides of the family, all of our friends, coworkers embrace us.  Never been excluded from anything because we're not married, playing house.  It's sad... this kind of weird judgement that I never knew existed.  lol!  That's their loss, not mine.  If I ever come across one of these people in real life....  ugh... here's my response.  Bye!