TOTALLY GEEKED!

I do every single chore in my home. My husband won't even change a toilet paper roll...

He pays all of the bills and all of my money is my money. I don't have to pay any bills.

Sometimes it seems unfair when I'm overwhelmed. Then I just go buy myself something pretty!

Empyreal wrote:

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I do every single chore in my home. My husband won't even change a toilet paper roll...

He pays all of the bills and all of my money is my money. I don't have to pay any bills.

Sometimes it seems unfair when I'm overwhelmed. Then I just go buy myself something pretty!

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 I don't know that i could tolerate that.  I mean, we are supposed to be in this life together.  OUR things are OUR responsibility.  If it works for you then, that that is great.  And, I sure wouldn't hesitate to hire a housekeeper.  However, DH tends to be a bit more traditional but i have always had a career and when kids came along, one person can't keep up.  So, now DH does 99% if the grocery shopping and laundry.  He doesn't care to cook which i love to do.  But, obviously, everyone has to find what works for them.

However, there are women who keep score as well. And, life is never going to be "equal". Sometimes i pull more weight and sometimes DH does depending on what is going on in our lives. And, it will always be everchanging. You might have a very ambitious spouse, but then he/she gets ill so maybe now you are the one pulling the weight or vice versa. Marriages need to be more about working together.

Empyreal wrote:

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I admit, I sort of resent it sometimes.

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 I think that's fair.  Some of it has to do with how people are raised too.

I think relationships can change and be renegotiated. And, we need to do that from time to time.

Mary Zombie wrote:

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Southern_Belle wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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I admit, I sort of resent it sometimes.

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 Have you ever talked about this with DH?

 

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 Have you considered just stop doing some things and maybe he'll eventually do it himself?

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 THat will work but you have to prepare yourself for accepting things being less than perfect and the way you are used too.  

DH does mop the floor & clean the toilet without being asked. Sometimes if I'm behind on laundry, he'll rescue me.

flan

I would love someone to pay all the bills, as long as the paycheck was large enough to pay more than just bills. I would happily stay home and clean and take care of things. At least now I would, tired of working outside the house. 20 years ago? No way would I want that.

DH said "but I don't know where things go" (after 4 years of marriage!) when I asked him to save my back by unloading the dishwasher. I told him to put things away he knew, and the others to put on the island. Took about a month - he knows if the sink is full of "dirties", he should empty the dishwasher. A month later, I left the items on the island (where he sits to eat dinner), so he had no place to put his place setting. I "educated" him on where the basics go. I'd rather hunt for something he put away, than kill my back bending down.

Since I've known him, I've never had to take the kitchen garbage out to the large pick-up cans. DH considers that "his" job. He also believes laundry/cooking/cleaning is "my" job. That's okay, since I really love cooking, and the washing machine does the laundry while I'm cooking!

Now if I could just teach him to put his clean clothes on hangers while I'm cooking . . . . . :)

I am making a point to raise my sons to understand that every job in the home belongs to everyone. There isn't "my job, your job" in the home. YOUR job as a member of the family is to assist in doing any and all jobs that need done. Be it mopping, vacuuming or cleaning out the gutters. Cleaning and caring for the home is just something that you are required to do. So, they do those things. Sometimes, they are walking in with their girlfriends and then i bark out a list of things that need done, NOW. So, they go and clean the bathroom or vacuum or whatever. Their girlfriends look a bit stunned, but i just tell them, that I am raising Good Husbands, lol.

When I became a SAHM, I agreed to taking on all of the household chores and most of the small outdoor ones too.

However, that does not mean that I became a servant.

I will wash, dry and fold the laundry, but I'm not picking up dirty lay dry left on the floor. I will load, unload and hand wash delicate dishes, but I'm not washing regular dishes that don't make it that extra couple feet from the sink to the empty dishwasher. I'll go grocery shopping and then unload the groceries, but if you don't put an item on the list (ie be the last person to use it up), then it won't get purchased until I need it and look for it. I will clean up the clutter, but that clutter gets put into individual baskets. I won't ensure a very special toy, piece of electronics or paper gets put back into its special safe spot if YOU, the general you, don't think it was special enough to put it away in its special place to begin with.

Right now, my husband has 4 pairs of short sitting ON TOP OF the laundry baskets. He literally could not take the extra 5 seconds to put the clothes under the top. its called common courtesy and respecting my role in the house.

It also about modeling good behavior for our daughter. Half @ssing a chore in front of your child doesn't really teach them good life skills.

Sometimes in life you need to lower your standards.

Empyreal wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Mary Zombie wrote:

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Southern_Belle wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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I admit, I sort of resent it sometimes.

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 Have you ever talked about this with DH?

 

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 Have you considered just stop doing some things and maybe he'll eventually do it himself?

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 THat will work but you have to prepare yourself for accepting things being less than perfect and the way you are used too.  

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 This is true.  I think I am more finicky and uptight than he is about stuff. 

Our kids are insanely messy though.  I can't stand food mess.  So when hubby adds to it by not clearing a plate or empty cup (he leaves them by the couch, drives me insane!) or when he drips or spills something and doesn't bother to wipe it up, I get stabby. 

I'm mean about it too.  "MY GOD!  YOU'RE 46 YEARS OLD!  CLEAN THAT S[HIT UP!

He leaves beard hair all over his side of the bathroom.  Half the time he spits after brushing and doesn't even rinse it down!  EWWWW!  I've tried letting his sink get super gross but it gets to me waaaay before it gets to him so I just have to clean it.

I won't let him do laundry because he always puts a load in and then forgets about it.  It will sit until the clothes stink.  And he does tiny loads.  Like 3 black t-shirts.  Then he'll wash 1 pair of jeans.  It drives me bonkers. 

If I ask him to unload the dishwasher, I'll find a plate in the silverware drawer and a mug in the Tupperware shelf.  That. Bad.  I swear he does it wrong on purpose.  He knows where everything goes because he knows where to get it when he needs it? so it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't know where to put it back? 

If he loads the dishwasher, he will stick a tall knife or ladle in the silverware basket and it keeps the arm from being able to spray all of the dishes.  It just stays stationary the whole wash cycle and the dishes have to be re-done. Or he'll stack plates too close so they are touching, water can't get in there!  Isn't that dumb?!? 

He thinks I have OCD because I wont use the same rag to wipe the floor and counter or use the same rag to wipe a bathroom counter and kitchen counter.  I have at least 50 white wash clothes.  They all get bleached when they are used.  If I use one to wipe a spill of the floor, it can't go back on the counter top.  It just spreads germs/filth around to keep a damp rag by the sink and re-use it for an all around clean up tool.  It's gross and I know I'm not the only one who thinks that. 

He sees nothing wrong with just setting the tp on the dispenser. NO! Put it on the way it's intended to be!  It gets knocked on the floor and put back 20 times before the roll is out.  I don't want to wipe my honeypot with floor yuck?  Especially when there's a chance of pee on the floor because him and my son miss the toilet all of the time.  Another super gross thing...  I have to clean the toilets daily because the males in this house have no aiming skills apparently.

See, I get bitchy when it comes to him and cleaning :(  I have tried dozens of times to explain things to him but he just won't comply to my way so I end up doing it all.. 

He's better than I give him credit for though..  This is just cleaning stuff.  He takes good care of me in other ways and I'm pretty spoiled.  I recognize that and try to lighten up about the chores.  It still fills good to get in a good rant though!!!  Thanks geeks :D  haha!  Seriously, it just feels good to have a tangent about it.  I'm sure he could write 5 pages about things I do that drive him up the wall. 

No... actually no.  I'm pretty great ;)

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 Truly, I think the bolded says a lot.  I think many women find themselves in your position.  They want to "split" the chores--but then they don't like how their partner does them, so they just do them over, or they take that chore back over after awhile.

 

Sure, SOME of that stuff should be common sense, but some of it is just different standards and/or a different way of doing things. 

 

If you aren't willing to compromise on some standards and let some other things go--you kind of get what you get after awhile.

huskerbb wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Mary Zombie wrote:

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Southern_Belle wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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I admit, I sort of resent it sometimes.

---

 Have you ever talked about this with DH?

 

---

 Have you considered just stop doing some things and maybe he'll eventually do it himself?

---

 THat will work but you have to prepare yourself for accepting things being less than perfect and the way you are used too.  

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 This is true.  I think I am more finicky and uptight than he is about stuff. 

Our kids are insanely messy though.  I can't stand food mess.  So when hubby adds to it by not clearing a plate or empty cup (he leaves them by the couch, drives me insane!) or when he drips or spills something and doesn't bother to wipe it up, I get stabby. 

I'm mean about it too.  "MY GOD!  YOU'RE 46 YEARS OLD!  CLEAN THAT S[HIT UP!

He leaves beard hair all over his side of the bathroom.  Half the time he spits after brushing and doesn't even rinse it down!  EWWWW!  I've tried letting his sink get super gross but it gets to me waaaay before it gets to him so I just have to clean it.

I won't let him do laundry because he always puts a load in and then forgets about it.  It will sit until the clothes stink.  And he does tiny loads.  Like 3 black t-shirts.  Then he'll wash 1 pair of jeans.  It drives me bonkers. 

If I ask him to unload the dishwasher, I'll find a plate in the silverware drawer and a mug in the Tupperware shelf.  That. Bad.  I swear he does it wrong on purpose.  He knows where everything goes because he knows where to get it when he needs it? so it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't know where to put it back? 

If he loads the dishwasher, he will stick a tall knife or ladle in the silverware basket and it keeps the arm from being able to spray all of the dishes.  It just stays stationary the whole wash cycle and the dishes have to be re-done. Or he'll stack plates too close so they are touching, water can't get in there!  Isn't that dumb?!? 

He thinks I have OCD because I wont use the same rag to wipe the floor and counter or use the same rag to wipe a bathroom counter and kitchen counter.  I have at least 50 white wash clothes.  They all get bleached when they are used.  If I use one to wipe a spill of the floor, it can't go back on the counter top.  It just spreads germs/filth around to keep a damp rag by the sink and re-use it for an all around clean up tool.  It's gross and I know I'm not the only one who thinks that. 

He sees nothing wrong with just setting the tp on the dispenser. NO! Put it on the way it's intended to be!  It gets knocked on the floor and put back 20 times before the roll is out.  I don't want to wipe my honeypot with floor yuck?  Especially when there's a chance of pee on the floor because him and my son miss the toilet all of the time.  Another super gross thing...  I have to clean the toilets daily because the males in this house have no aiming skills apparently.

See, I get bitchy when it comes to him and cleaning :(  I have tried dozens of times to explain things to him but he just won't comply to my way so I end up doing it all.. 

He's better than I give him credit for though..  This is just cleaning stuff.  He takes good care of me in other ways and I'm pretty spoiled.  I recognize that and try to lighten up about the chores.  It still fills good to get in a good rant though!!!  Thanks geeks :D  haha!  Seriously, it just feels good to have a tangent about it.  I'm sure he could write 5 pages about things I do that drive him up the wall. 

No... actually no.  I'm pretty great ;)

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 Truly, I think the bolded says a lot.  I think many women find themselves in your position.  They want to "split" the chores--but then they don't like how their partner does them, so they just do them over, or they take that chore back over after awhile.

 

Sure, SOME of that stuff should be common sense, but some of it is just different standards and/or a different way of doing things. 

 

If you aren't willing to compromise on some standards and let some other things go--you kind of get what you get after awhile.

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This is true. 

He definitely has different standards for sure.  He is the type of guy who will pet the dog and then without washing his hands, reach into a bag of grated cheese and grab a handful.  It's disgusting to me.  He doesn't think about germs or just grossness..  It doesn't even cross his mind!  He is very relaxed that way. 

I am a total spaz about stuff like that.  I will shriek if I see that.

If he were to be asked to clean a bathroom, he would wipe the counter and the toilet with the same rag and then be like "what? it's clean!" 

So yeah, we are way different. 

We've had arguments about it and his sticking point is, "If it's so unhealthy, why am I never sick?"  And he isn't sick very much so I only have "well, it's freakin' gross, that's why" as my counter... 

We don't have big nasty fights or anything, just little disagreements. 

I don't want anybody thinking we are having brawls and talking divorce, it's sort of tongue n' cheek.  I do all of the chores, he pays for everything, we love each other.  I sort of resent the housework at times but he sort of resents that he has to fly to California every couple of months and work 15 hour days too.  It all works out..   

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Well you love each other so why not negotiate a bit? What is it u would really like him to do specifically?

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 Not be gross!    haha

I know.. I just have to accept it. I'm still going to kvetch and moan about it!

He's petting the dog and getting food when u arent watching. Sooo you are and have been eating those germs.

We have a "see it, do it" policy around here.

I had my kids doing chores, inside and out, from a very young age.

I mean if they could drag it out, they could drag it back.

Yes. A 1 year old can pick up their toys.

They were helping fold wash cloths and putting socks together at 2 and putting things in drawers.

I had them in the kitchen. Sorting silverware, helping measure and stir.

What ever I was doing, they were helping to the best of their ability.

So if a toddler can do those simple things.

Surely a grown up can.

huskerbb wrote:

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My wife doesn't load the dishwasher right. She just doesn't. She overloads it. She puts stuff in weird spots where it won't get clean. She nestles the silverware.

So--I normally load it. I don't gripe about it. In fact, I'd rather she just not mess with it and let me do it. When she does it, invariably there are dishes, especially the silverware, that don't get clean.

I do most of the laundry, also, at least the washing and drying. I'm not great at putting clothes away, although after awhile and no one does it, I'll tackle that, also.

I do well over half of the cooking.

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So, your wife is so inept, according to you, husker.

That you have to do almost everything, or it won't be done right.

So, why do you keep her around? 

Just wondering.

I am not neat freak by any means....my clean folded laundry stays in the basket in my closet until I need the basket again....I get dust balls sometimes but I can't understand any adult that can leave crums and sticky mess on the counter.
Also water splashes all over after doing dishes. Tea towels....wipe that shi.t down it takes a second!
Oy.

I just wish sometimes that the rest of my family could "see" my house the way I do.

I do 90% of the childcare and all the cooking. DH does laundry, takes out trash, does dishes and manages the money. Its a pretty equal split. When he is on hiatus he does more.

My husband doesn't like the way I ironed his shirts and he has been doing them ever since and he also irons my clothes. I do the cooking, laundry and he works in the yard. I have a house cleaner so that helps.