TOTALLY GEEKED!

Parents love giving their kids presents during the holidays, but what happens when they give too much? Overindulging children is a common parenting blunder that always backfires and turns little darlings into ungrateful bullies who are never satisfied -- no matter how much they get. So before you go overboard and shower your kid with gifts, consider these negative outcomes.

Too Many Gifts Increases Destructive Behaviors

Kids who engage in greedy gift grabbing during holidays suffer negative social and emotional ramifications that extend well beyond their childhood. According to a study from the University of Missouri, as adults such children are more likely to suffer from credit card debt, gambling and compulsive shopping. Sure, unwrapping a mountain of gifts produces a burst of happiness for parents and kids -- but it has no staying power. In fact, it feeds an insatiable hunger for more.

Too Many Gifts Lowers Self-Esteem

Lasting self-esteem is rooted in a strong sense of identity -- not materialism. Excess does not equal increased self-worth. Studies have shown there is no correlation between material possessions, self-esteem and happiness. In fact, children who have less material possessions but positive relationships with their parents and peers, score higher on self-esteem assessment tests. They also have fewer behavior problems and demonstrate more resilience in the face of obstacles than kids with overindulging parents.
 

Too Many Gifts Robs Children of Lasting Happiness

Researchers in Harvard’s Journal of Happiness found that people valued gifts they purchased for others more than gifts they bought for themselves. When “givers” completed a personal satisfaction scale, they consistently scored higher than those who purchased gifts for themselves. Helping your kid develop generosity fosters a healthy sense of interconnectedness and boosts personal happiness, whereas, kids who only value receiving gifts grow to be egocentric and lack empathy.

Three Kinds of Holiday Bullies

Which kids are more likely to be overindulged by their parents during the holidays? Believe it or not, it’s the bullies. That’s right, kids bully their parents into overindulging them are more likely to get more gifts than kids who don’t bully their parents. Here’s the top three.
 

1. The Defiant Bully: demands gifts, feels entitled. “I deserve this, you owe me.” Engages in blackmail and threats to wear away his parents’ resolve. Eventually, parents buy gifts to buy peace. But it’s never enough. The more parents give, the less their kids appreciate -- and the more they demand.
 

2. The Anxious Bully: equates gifts with love. Constantly feels deprived, compares and despairs with peers, worries about not having enough, fears being left out or forgotten. Guilts and shames parents into buying more.
 

3. The Manipulative Bully: exploits parents’ insecurities by engaging in lies and manipulations to get what they want. Knows exactly which buttons to push to make parents feel insecure. Does anything to achieve his or her gift goals. But be warned: even after manipulative bullies get what they want, they immediately start plotting for more.

What to do:

1. Set Gift Limits

Meaningful gifts have more emotional value than a mountain of generic presents. Setting limits on gift giving triggers more thoughtfulness and consideration in children. It also guarantees everyone experiences an equal amount of giving and receiving. And remember, homemade gifts, such as artwork or poetry, can create memories that last longer than Double A batteries.

2. Keep Household Schedule & Limits Intact

Too often parents allow sleeping schedules, chores and other household structures to fall apart during holidays. Without structure, kids’ behaviors deteriorate. For example, if you kid has unlimited access to sweets, stays up all night, and sleeps all day, you’re going to see more meltdowns, moodiness and bullying. Loss of structure during the holidays is the number one cause of problematic behaviors.

3. Focus on Esteem Building Gifts

Aim for gifts that enhance creativity, build talents, or motor skills such as musical instruments, painting, photography, etc. Children love to discover new talents. It strengthens their self-esteem and confidence. Kids also learn that they don’t need excessive belongings to feel to good about themselves.

4. Teach the Joy of Giving

Kids who are encouraged by their parents to give gifts to others experience a stronger sense of community and interconnectedness. Help your kids learn the value of giving by engaging them in altruistic activities such as volunteer work or helping those in need. After all, isn’t that kind of giving the true spirit of the holidays?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201511/holiday-bullies-the-dangers-overindulging-your-kids