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Nobody Just Nobody


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Carolyn Hax: Complaint about wedding invitation is so tacky
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-complaint-about-wedding-invitation-is-so-tacky/2015/11/18/3e604f4a-8d49-11e5-acff-673ae92ddd2b_story.html

Dear Carolyn: My nephew’s wedding is fast approaching. We received invitations, but each of my four adult daughters, ranging in age from 21 to 30, was invited with no guests. They are not married. When they questioned their cousin, he replied that he and his fiancee had to invite 250 guests and have to cut somewhere, so unless you are engaged you cannot bring a guest. Also, if they get a lot of “no” replies, they will revisit the idea of allowing guests.

This is hurtful as we are family, and I feel as adults these young women should have been able to bring a guest, and it’s tacky that they would allow them later to bring dates. Am I wrong for thinking family should be allowed a guest at a reception this big?

Neglected

Neglected: You want tacky? How about going back to your host after receiving four invitations and asking why you weren’t issued eight. How about gazing upon a guest list of 250 and believing it’s your place to suggest that it should be 260 or 300, because you’re you and you believe in “and guest.” Or, worse, deciding 250 is fine, but that four people the couple cares about should be axed to make room for four people your daughters care about.

Or pressing an accommodation out of your host, and then dismissing said accommodation as “tacky.” Yikes.

I’ve sat in this chair for too many years not to understand there are rebuttals to my rebuttals, so I won’t pretend you’ll be satisfied by my opinion on guest lists.

However, my opinion does prove the fact of different opinions, since you and I clearly don’t agree your nephew was rude. And that makes a more persuasive point: Managing a guest list does indeed involve judgment calls, and it’s not any individual guest’s judgment — or mine — that sets the bar for invitations made thoughtfully vs. those that are careless or rude.

You have been invited to celebrate the joyous life event of people you love, people likely under pressure to please a lot of different constituencies — many of them poised to be critical, ahem, of the way the couple chooses to host people at their or their families’ expense. Wouldn’t it be loving, joyous and celebratory just to embrace the invitation as kindly intended, and show up without further complaint?



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Sometimes I love Carolyn.


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Perfect response.

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Cheerios4606


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Clearly the writer needs a better understanding of who is in charge of the wedding, unless she intends to pay for the extra guests.

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That was the most nicely worded "shut the heck up" I think I've ever read.

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ed11563


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Cheerios4606 wrote:

Clearly the writer needs a better understanding of who is in charge of the wedding, unless she intends to pay for the extra guests.

I wonder whether that would be an option. 

 



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ed11563 wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:

Clearly the writer needs a better understanding of who is in charge of the wedding, unless she intends to pay for the extra guests.

I wonder whether that would be an option. 

 

 It may not be an option.  When I had the big wedding, there were two rooms to choose from.  One held 250-325 people, the other 125-150.  Some venues have a max of 250. 

 

No way did I have 250 people to invite so I had the smaller room.  A friend wanted me to invite her 5 teens, I laughed it off, although I knew she was serious.  Her brood would have taken away from family and other friends I wanted to invite plus at $100/person I thought her request to be rude.



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huskerbb


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We had a thread on this before. The social convention is married or engaged. That's how it is.

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huskerbb wrote:

We had a thread on this before. The social convention is married or engaged. That's how it is.

 It was a different one.  It was another one similar to this but not the same.  In the other one the girl was complaining about her live in not getting invited.



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huskerbb


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

We had a thread on this before. The social convention is married or engaged. That's how it is.

 It was a different one.  It was another one similar to this but not the same.  In the other one the girl was complaining about her live in not getting invited.

I know it was a different thread.  Same exact situation, though.   



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Yep. Pretty much. That's why I thought this was funny. I guess there's a lot more people than we thought out there who think they're entitled to something.

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