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ed11563


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My co-worker broke up with her live-in baby-daddy
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Two years ago, one of my co-workers made a child with her boyfriend.

I'm an old stick-in-the-mud, in that I think kids should grow up in a home with two parents who love each other AND the child.

But, of course, I didn't say anything. (I try not to be an idiot.)

 

Found out last week that they split up. She wanted to buy a house (which she did, in New Jersey) and he wanted to keep living in Manhattan, near his drinking buddies and his music venues and his dealers.

Music venues including the places where he plays in a band.

 

So she got a free divorce, they just split up.

 

Me, I'm just listening to her as a friend.

 

Any thoughts?



-- Edited by ed11563 on Sunday 13th of December 2015 05:13:54 AM

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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

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Dona Worry Be Happy


Vette's SS!!

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Stay out of it. It wasn't a free divorce, the weren't married. Not your business.

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ed11563


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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

Stay out of it. It wasn't a free divorce, the weren't married. Not your business.

I am staying out of it. Except that I'm listening when she talks. 

 

I'm thinking that her biologic clock was ticking, she wanted a baby, but she wasn't thrilled with the idea of a permanent male parasite.

Again, those words did not come out of my mouth.

 



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
I know what to do_sometimes


Frozen Sucks!

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This story repeats everyday. At least your friend has a good job and is able to buy a house to raise the child in. I sure hope she has filed for child support.

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ed11563


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

This story repeats everyday. At least your friend has a good job and is able to buy a house to raise the child in. I sure hope she has filed for child support.

I hope so too .... but it might be like trying to get blood from a stone. YOU know how that goes a lot better than I do. 

 

 



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
I know what to do_sometimes


Frozen Sucks!

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ed11563 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

This story repeats everyday. At least your friend has a good job and is able to buy a house to raise the child in. I sure hope she has filed for child support.

I hope so too .... but it might be like trying to get blood from a stone. YOU know how that goes a lot better than I do. 

 

 

 Even if he doesn't have a job, CS will be ordered.  She needs to file, get the process rolling. The courts will probably demand DNA testing so to speed things up she can have samples taken from the child and her, then it is up to the father to provide a sample.  If she has done this prior to going to court and the father hasn't, the court will view him in a most unfavorable light.  Most states now collect the money and sends it to the custodial parent and if the parent ordered to pay doesn't, the court acts quickly, usually threatening jail, they do not screw around with CS.  Because she lives in NJ and he wants to stay in NY there is no way they can have joint custody; to do so the parents have to live in or at least near the school district the child attends.



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lilyofcourse


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CS was a choke collar for me.

All it did was ensure I would have to go to court from time to time and that he could screw up the kids' insurance now and then.

Yes. There is an order.

Yes. He will always owe what has not been paid.

But really, my kids have been so much better off without him or that chicken scratch I was "awarded".

Ed.

Yes. You really have nothing you can say. Anything will probably be taken the wrong way.

When she starts talking, say something like "sounds like you need a lawyer" or "maybe a counselor could help".

Then change the subject or walk away.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

This story repeats everyday. At least your friend has a good job and is able to buy a house to raise the child in. I sure hope she has filed for child support.

I hope so too .... but it might be like trying to get blood from a stone. YOU know how that goes a lot better than I do. 

 

 

 Even if he doesn't have a job, CS will be ordered.  She needs to file, get the process rolling. The courts will probably demand DNA testing so to speed things up she can have samples taken from the child and her, then it is up to the father to provide a sample.  If she has done this prior to going to court and the father hasn't, the court will view him in a most unfavorable light.  Most states now collect the money and sends it to the custodial parent and if the parent ordered to pay doesn't, the court acts quickly, usually threatening jail, they do not screw around with CS.  Because she lives in NJ and he wants to stay in NY there is no way they can have joint custody; to do so the parents have to live in or at least near the school district the child attends.

 This.  And please please please don't tell her child support is dumb or anything else.  He NEEDS to support his child whether he wants to or not.  Even if he doesn't pay he should still be ordered to pay and she needs to set up visitation through the courts.  It's SO very important.



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weltschmerz


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ed11563 wrote:

Two years ago, one of my co-workers made a child with her boyfriend.

I'm an old stick-in-the-mud, in that I think kids should grow up in a home with two parents who love each other AND the child.

But, of course, I didn't say anything. (I try not to be an idiot.)

 

Found out last week that they split up. She wanted to buy a house (which she did, in New Jersey) and he wanted to keep living in Manhattan, near his drinking buddies and his music venues and his dealers.

Music venues including the places where he plays in a band.

 

So she got a free divorce, they just split up.

 

Me, I'm just listening to her as a friend.

 

Any thoughts?



-- Edited by ed11563 on Sunday 13th of December 2015 05:13:54 AM

I'm not following. You do realize that married couples also split up after two years, right? 

Sometimes, things just don't work out.



-- Edited by weltschmerz on Sunday 13th of December 2015 07:19:14 PM

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