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Post Info TOPIC: Brother shuts out widowed sister's new husband
ed11563


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Dear Prudence,
My first husband died after a long illness; for the last eight years of his life we were essentially co-parents and close friends. After he passed I began dating again; in the two years since I have gotten happily remarried. My daughter loves her stepdad and new relatives. My brother has never met my new husband and refuses to allow him in his house or meet his wife and children. Everyone who has met my husband (even my first husband’s relatives!) adore him. My brother and his wife think I and my daughter should still come over for their children’s birthdays (and bring presents). But they think I’m being unreasonable for refusing to set foot in their home until my husband is welcome. Should I suck it up and go see them without my husband? Or should I stand my ground?

—Punished for Remarrying

Stand your ground. Your brother and his wife are behaving outrageously. Forbidding your new husband from visiting their home won’t make your first husband come back. It won’t even make you any less married now. It’s a bizarre and deeply unloving choice of them to make, especially considering your first husband’s own family have already welcomed your new husband. Hopefully it won’t be too long before they realize how unreasonable they’re being, but until then, the loss is theirs, not yours.



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They are just being stupid.

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just Czech


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Oh good grief, cut your brother out of your life. He's a control freak.

Why is it so hard for people to see the toxic in their lives?

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just Czech wrote:

Oh good grief, cut your brother out of your life. He's a control freak.

Why is it so hard for people to see the toxic in their lives?

 Why doesn't everyone just mind their own freaking business?  You don't get to dictate other people's lives.



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I know what to do_sometimes


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I wonder why she bothered to include the 8 years of just being co parents in her story, perhaps there is more to the story.

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I wonder why she bothered to include the 8 years of just being co parents in her story, perhaps there is more to the story.

 Yeah, that did seem a bit odd.



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weltschmerz


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Why doesn't she just ASK her brother why he refuses to include her new husband?
Seems like that would be the logical thing to do, instead of writing to Prudence.


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weltschmerz


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I wonder why she bothered to include the 8 years of just being co parents in her story, perhaps there is more to the story.

Well, he did have a long illness. Maybe they weren't being intimate, just co-parenting. 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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weltschmerz wrote:

Why doesn't she just ASK her brother why he refuses to include her new husband?
Seems like that would be the logical thing to do, instead of writing to Prudence.

 Because there would be no letters for us to dissect!!!  biggrin



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huskerbb


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I don't get it. I could understand at least a little bit if it was her deceased husband's brother and that brother wasn't taking the death well, but here, I don't see it.

She needs to stand her ground.

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ed11563


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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

I wonder why she bothered to include the 8 years of just being co parents in her story, perhaps there is more to the story.

She's saying that because of his illness, intimacy disappeared, they didn't share a bed, she became his caregiver instead of his wife. 

And for his last 8 years he was one of their kids' parents, and they made decisions together, but

she didn't have a man with whom she could be a woman.

So after he passed away, she was a woman who was ready to have a new man in her life and her bed.

She didn't have to mourn the loss of her husband, she'd lost him as a husband long ago.

Now her brother thinks she should still be in mourning.



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Brother is a dick. Tell him go f himself. I don't have patience for people like this. If she had done something to deserve it then fine. But she has not. As my mom would say, I'd tell him to take a nice long walk off a nice short pier.

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