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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Can't Stand to be Around Alcohol
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Can't Stand to be Around Alcohol
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DEAR ABBY: I have an extreme aversion to alcohol and those who consume it. I suspect that it comes from having a father who was a violent, emotionally abusive alcoholic. Alcohol has zero appeal for me and, as I'm in my mid-20s, it's difficult for me to go on outings with friends without having to go to a bar. I become that grumpy, silent person in the corner.

Because of this, my fiancee has begun socializing with her family and our friends without me. Most recently, they celebrated a sibling's 21st birthday and left me home across the country. Talking to her and knowing she's at a bar and drinking makes me extremely angry, and we almost always end up in a fight about it.

I know this is MY problem. Do you have any advice on getting over it? -- DOESN'T TOUCH THE STUFF IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DOESN'T TOUCH: Yes. Either get counseling for your issues and to help you recognize that not everyone who enjoys an alcoholic beverage is an alcoholic, or find a woman to marry whose views more closely match your own. There is a support group called Adult Children of Alcoholics that might be helpful to you if you attend some meetings. You can find a group near you by going to www.adultchildren.org.

 

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/12/24/mom-is-exposed-as-accomplice-by



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huskerbb


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He might as well forget this relationship. He is setting them both up for a great deal of frustration and disappointment.

Projecting his past experiences on to his girlfriend is not fair. The fact that he realizes its his issue is good--but doesn't really fix anything.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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It's her issue. Why should she be angry or grumpy if other people drink? That has NOTHING to do with her. She can't control what the rest of the world does. If the bar scene isn't for her, then fine, don't go. But, most people can drink responsibly. She needs to understand that our leave herself out of a lot of things.

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huskerbb


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I took the letter to mean it's a guy who wrote it--unless it's a lesbian relationship, which, I realize, is possible.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Ha! I just skimmed the letter on my phone. Anyways the same advice applies.

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huskerbb


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I think the definition of "responsibly" varies widely.

I don't think an occasional drunk fest is necessarily "irresponsible" as long as you aren't the one driving home, especially for a special occasion like a birthday party or bachelor party or whatever.

I doubt the LW would agree.

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chef


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I have zero use for alcohol in spite of enjoying the flavor of a lot of drinks. The bar scene is definitely not for me. However, seeing others drink doesn't make me angry unless they get behind the wheel.

I don't understand why the LW asked his gf to marry him knowing she isn't as anti-alcohol as he is.

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Yep. I rarely ever drink. I mean maybe two drinks a year. And always at home and always when DH isn't home. As a recovering alcoholic he does not want alcohol in our house. I respect that. But then again it's not an issue for me. He definitely is the one with the problem and needs help. But there are people out there who don't drink at all for any number of reasons.

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My ex's parents were alcoholics, I suspected. I was used to maintaining a well-stocked bar. One time I fixed myself and drink and he made derogatory comments about it. It was not pleasant.

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Lawyerlady


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He needs to join a Pentecostal church and find all his friends and fiance there.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Lawyerlady wrote:

He needs to join a Pentecostal church and find all his friends and fiance there.

 Or Mormons.



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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

He needs to join a Pentecostal church and find all his friends and fiance there.

 Or Mormons.

 Pretty much. Not every child of alcoholics is so vehement.

flan



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Tignanello


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Although in the LW's defense, it does sort of suck to be excluded from EVERYTHING because nobody wants to do anything sober. I get how that can grate on the nerves after a while. Being excluded continually would make for some resentment.

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huskerbb


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He is excluding himself--he CAN go, but he admittedly chooses not to because he ends up being grumpy and no fun.

I've been around people who don't drink--but still go out with the group and have a good time. Plus, then they can drive.

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Lawyerlady


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Tignanello wrote:

Although in the LW's defense, it does sort of suck to be excluded from EVERYTHING because nobody wants to do anything sober. I get how that can grate on the nerves after a while. Being excluded continually would make for some resentment.

 I rarely drink.  I have many friends that don't drink at all - and I am perfectly content not drinking.  But, I'd be pretty ticked off at somebody getting grumpy b/c I decided to have champagne on New Year's or a glass of wine with dinner. 



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