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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Miss Manners: What is the Proper Way to Give a Compliment?
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Miss Manners: What is the Proper Way to Give a Compliment?
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I were talking about how to give a compliment. One said that you should say, "That shirt looks good on you," and one said that was wrong; the correct way is, "You look good in that shirt."

Personally, I am happy to get a compliment so I don't care. But now our curiosities are piqued. Which friend is correct, and even better -- why?

GENTLE READER: The correct thing is not to quibble about compliments, and Miss Manners is pleased that you are affable enough to take either sort of statement as such.

Those looking to collect insults are not so generous, and it is for them that the following explanation is geared. "That shirt is becoming on you" implies that its wearer would look good regardless -- the shirt is simply being enhanced by the person's good looks. This is more flattering than, "You look good in that shirt," which -- if one goes digging -- implies that you are becoming only in that particular shirt. The inference, which is not as complimentary, is that the shirt itself would be just fine on its own.

http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2015/12/24/accept-a-compliment-for-what-its

 



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cadiver


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So, Nice Ass. works.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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If someone said nice ass to me I'd take it as a compliment!

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karl271


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It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

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Nobody Just Nobody


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Well karl, I'll be 50 next month. When you get to my age anything that even resembles a compliment is a welcome remark.

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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

If someone said nice ass to me I'd take it as a compliment!

 I'd politely suggest that they needed glasses...

flan



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ed11563


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I'm more likely to say something like "You seem to be a very smart person. I like the way you think."

 

Hint from Playboy magazine many years ago:

Tell a pretty woman she's smart,

tell a smart woman she's pretty.

 

When I run into a woman who's both smart and pretty, what should I say?

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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karl271 wrote:

It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

 Most women don't mind being complimented for their looks.



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FNW


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You're pretty smart?

At my age, a "you look nice today" is the best I could hope for.

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flan327


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FNW wrote:

You're pretty smart?

At my age, a "you look nice today" is the best I could hope for.

 Whoa! We've seen pictures of you, remember?!

biggrin

flan



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Mellow Momma


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
karl271 wrote:

It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

 Most women don't mind being complimented for their looks.

 It depends on the context and on who is doing the complimenting. At work, it would bother me. I would rather be noticed for my work than for my looks. If it was a peer that's fine if it's in light conversation. If it's a male I don't often have interaction with, or a supervisor, I wouldn't like it. 



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Mellow Momma


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It's actually in our employee handbook that you should not make any comment about a coworker's physical appearance or dress - even if you think it's a compliment. People don't like having attention drawn to them in that regard.

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lilyofcourse


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Give a compliment with sincerity.



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flan327


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Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
karl271 wrote:

It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

 Most women don't mind being complimented for their looks.

 It depends on the context and on who is doing the complimenting. At work, it would bother me. I would rather be noticed for my work than for my looks. If it was a peer that's fine if it's in light conversation. If it's a male I don't often have interaction with, or a supervisor, I wouldn't like it. 

 Yes, there are a lot of things that I love to hear from DH, but not some random guy.

flan



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lilyofcourse


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Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
karl271 wrote:

It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

 Most women don't mind being complimented for their looks.

 It depends on the context and on who is doing the complimenting. At work, it would bother me. I would rather be noticed for my work than for my looks. If it was a peer that's fine if it's in light conversation. If it's a male I don't often have interaction with, or a supervisor, I wouldn't like it. 

 Really?

"Here are the notes from the meeting. That's a pretty scarf." 

How is that anything but pleasant? 

 



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Charley Harper
Mellow Momma


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lilyofcourse wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
karl271 wrote:

It seems to me that, in the not too distant past, any compliment made by a man to a woman was met with some kind of sexist meaning and looked upon as an undesirable thing.... Well, maybe nice ass does not fit in that category. LOL

 Most women don't mind being complimented for their looks.

 It depends on the context and on who is doing the complimenting. At work, it would bother me. I would rather be noticed for my work than for my looks. If it was a peer that's fine if it's in light conversation. If it's a male I don't often have interaction with, or a supervisor, I wouldn't like it. 

 Really?

"Here are the notes from the meeting. That's a pretty scarf." 

How is that anything but pleasant? 

 

 Again, if it's a supervisor or someone I don't typically have interaction with, it's odd. And also, again, our handbook specifically states we should not comment about what others are wearing. 



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Mellow Momma


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And I would be more concerned with having missed the meeting than the scarf.

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lilyofcourse


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That's just ridiculous.

To be offended by politeness is the most absurd thing I think I've ever heard.

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Charley Harper
burns07


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What is the Proper Way to Give a Compliment?
____________________________________

of course, context matters--but always with sincerity--insincere compliments are flattery and while some folks like being flattered, others view the practice as kissing ass--also, sparingly works best--have had a lot of women work for ( and with ) me--have eight working for me right now--am EXTREMELY careful about complimenting them on their appearance--would rather compliment them on the quality of their work and their professional prowess


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Mellow Momma


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burns07 wrote:

What is the Proper Way to Give a Compliment?
____________________________________

of course, context matters--but always with sincerity--insincere compliments are flattery and while some folks like being flattered, others view the practice as kissing ass--also, sparingly works best--have had a lot of women work for ( and with ) me--have eight working for me right now--am EXTREMELY careful about complimenting them on their appearance--would rather compliment them on the quality of their work and their professional prowess

 Exactly. It would mean more to me that a peer or superior said "nice job on that project !" than "nice scarf". 



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lilyofcourse


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And I said the same thing.

Give a compliment with sincerity.

But there is NOTHING wrong with complimenting a choice in wardrobe.

If you(general you) are that easily offended, it has to be really hard to around.



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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
weltschmerz


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

If someone said nice ass to me I'd take it as a compliment!

If someone said it to me, I'd know they're lying. I have no ass to speak of.

Big asses are all the rage now. 



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flan327


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Mellow Momma wrote:

And I would be more concerned with having missed the meeting than the scarf.

 I know, right?

flan



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