At my last party, a very good friend of mine who is obese broke a chair as she sat in it. I played polite hostess and made sure she was OK. I’ve now taken it to get fixed and found out it’s broken beyond repair. It’s one of my favorite chairs and can’t be replaced. I’m frustrated! My friend doesn’t make a lot of money, so I don’t feel comfortable asking her to pay for it. She hasn’t mentioned it since. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to say anything. Is there any way to say, “I can’t fix the chair, I have to get a new set, I’m miffed, but ultimately, a chair is just a thing and I care more about you and your health. Can you please take care of yourself?”
–Chair Beyond Repair
I don’t believe there is! Your speech will not be giving her any new information. She knows how much she weighs. She knows she broke your chair. She has not brought it up since then because she is undoubtedly mortified. I understand it’s frustrating to lose a favorite piece of furniture, but imagine how painful it must have been for her in that moment, to fall and them to have all eyes trained on her. If someone falls in your house—no matter what size they are—you make sure they are OK not out of grudging obligation, but because you want to make sure they are OK. I believe that what you really want is to make sure she feels miserable, ashamed, and in your debt. You are angry about the loss of your chair and feel that she has not been embarrassed enough. Since she can’t pay to replace the chair, you would like her to pay you in humiliation. Let the chair go, and resist your desire to remind her of it.
That guy better not have kids or get married. Things will get broke and some of them may just be his favorite cup, plate, whatever. Or, maybe, he could my DH and DS to desensitize him to things getting broke.
I used to do in-home sales calls. We had a guy that was big, not just over weight, huge, nearly 7' tall. Well, he broke a couple customer chairs. The one time it happened our boss said "g--d--- it Adam! If you don't think the chair will hold you sit on the couch! Or stand! I'm tired of buying people f---ing chairs!"
Which made it extra funny the time I (the smallest person on the sales force) broke a customer's chair.
Why do people offer guests chairs that are rickety?! If I have a chair that I don't think will hold anyone, I don't sit in it, I have it repaired, and I don't use it until it's fixed! How hard is that?!
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My friend has an obese husband. He is very rough with furniture. He hangs off my step bannister when he comes in. He sits down hard on the furniture. He could be more gentle but he isnt. Furniture isnt meant for rough treatment.
Furniture, to me, needs to be study and be able to stand up to daily, sometimes rough, use.
I'm with MM, why have rickety chairs.
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My father is 5'9" 160 lbs. We had patio furniture that was a probably 8 or 9 years old. It was nice, but it was starting to wear. He broke two chairs, different days. (My mother, who is quite heavy, was glad it was him and not her). Fortunately, he didn't fall or anything, you just heard a r-i-p-p-p sound. We laughed. He was embarrassed. The second time was actually pretty hilarious. Even he was able to laugh about it.
End of that season we bought a new set which was on sale. It was time. I would never ever think he needed to pay, although he offered.
There are chairs I would put away if someone particularly heavy was visiting.
I had a chair break and the person was not overweight. It was our first furniture after getting our own house so probably not the best quality, but I think it can happen to anyone not just obese people.
I would never dream of asking someone to pay for a chair they broke if not done maliciously. I do think that people who are very obese do need to be respectful of other people's things, although not sure what that respect would be. Perhaps choose a folding chair to sit on if available?
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