TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb · Guru

Out of the frying pan--into the fryer

huskerbb · Guru

Unfortunately, she owes them money. Undoubtedly she desperately needed it to get out of whatever bad situation she was in, but now she's kind of in another bad situation that's not so easy to see clear of.

I think her only real strategy is to avoid them as much as possible and pay the money back as soon as possible. After that, she won't be beholden to them and will have more options both in what she can say to them and do.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Wow what ****ty "helpful relatives" Yeah she owes them money but not over rent.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Demanding she leave meetings at work is just going to get her fired. Do they not see that? These people are over the top.

NAOW · Vette's SS

She needs to set some boundaries and be firm with them. Also pay off the debt as quickly as possible. I also wouldn't be opposed to her calling them out on thinking that she owes them anything more than the money she borrowed.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Why is she taking a phone into meetings?

Instruct whomever answers to phone at work to take messages and don't return them until after hours.

And she is going to have draw a clear line with these people once the debt is paid.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

She is seeing a therapist. Why didn't she talk to the therapist about these awful people instead of writing into an advice column?! The therapist would undoubtedly tell her that the reason she chose that awful partner was because her family has taught her that is how she deserves to be treated. Since they treat her the same and all.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
She is seeing a therapist. Why didn't she talk to the therapist about these awful people instead of writing into an advice column?! The therapist would undoubtedly tell her that the reason she chose that awful partner was because her family has taught her that is how she deserves to be treated. Since they treat her the same and all.

I thought the same thing. She left a controlling manipulative family to be with a controlling abusive man.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And she didn't tell the therapist about it because she doesn't want to hear the truth. It would hurt too much.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

That's quite an assumption.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

lilyofcourse wrote:
Why is she taking a phone into meetings?

Instruct whomever answers to phone at work to take messages and don't return them until after hours.

And she is going to have draw a clear line with these people once the debt is paid.

Answering personal calls or texts during work is totally her choice, and a poor one. If she loses her job over it, that is on her, not the family. She clearly doesn't know how to set boundaries.

FNW · Guru

It would appear she cannot set boundaries for herself, hence, she is once again, a victim. As long as she continues to pay off her debts, they have nothing to complain about, and she needs to point this out and drop it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

They helped you out. You are now back on your feet. Work overtime and pay them back. If you owe someone money and fail to pay them back, it pisses them off. Pay them back.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Ok, I've changed my mind somewhat. She may be constantly needing help from her relatives and so they are tired of it. They know it will always fall on them to help her out of whatever the latest problem is so may be giving her a dose of tough love. I do have a relative that always is making poor choices and needs help so I get why the relatives may want to make sure it doesn't happen again. If that is the case they need to cut off the money train.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

When my mom moved to town, as an elderly widow, a man living in a neighboring apartment befriended her. He was quite younger but he seemed to be a decent guy and she would cook for him. I wasn't entirely happy about it but he was good company. Anyway i found out that he "borrowed" $400 from her. And, then he went and bought a new car. So, I got on his damn case. Then he sent me a check that bounced. So, i called him in a very pissed off state. I got paid back the next day. Makes me wonder how else he scammed my mom.
However, i digress. As for helping relatives, my BIL got into a bad position and called us for help. We decided to send them some money and told them that it was a gift. I dont' loan money. Loaning money changes relationships so no thanks. Anyway, they did thank us. SHortly after that they arrived at our house with a ridiculous amount of Christmas gifts for our 3 kids. That was ridiculous. Money problems and you are buying this kind of crap? Um no. They called again and wanted help paying their daughter's college tuition. No can do.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When my mom moved to town, as an elderly widow, a man living in a neighboring apartment befriended her. He was quite younger but he seemed to be a decent guy and she would cook for him. I wasn't entirely happy about it but he was good company. Anyway i found out that he "borrowed" $400 from her. And, then he went and bought a new car. So, I got on his damn case. Then he sent me a check that bounced. So, i called him in a very pissed off state. I got paid back the next day. Makes me wonder how else he scammed my mom.
However, i digress. As for helping relatives, my BIL got into a bad position and called us for help. We decided to send them some money and told them that it was a gift. I dont' loan money. Loaning money changes relationships so no thanks. Anyway, they did thank us. SHortly after that they arrived at our house with a ridiculous amount of Christmas gifts for our 3 kids. That was ridiculous. Money problems and you are buying this kind of crap? Um no. They called again and wanted help paying their daughter's college tuition. No can do.

But wait, I thought it was her money and she could do whatever she wanted with it. That seemed to be your argument on another thread.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When my mom moved to town, as an elderly widow, a man living in a neighboring apartment befriended her. He was quite younger but he seemed to be a decent guy and she would cook for him. I wasn't entirely happy about it but he was good company. Anyway i found out that he "borrowed" $400 from her. And, then he went and bought a new car. So, I got on his damn case. Then he sent me a check that bounced. So, i called him in a very pissed off state. I got paid back the next day. Makes me wonder how else he scammed my mom.
However, i digress. As for helping relatives, my BIL got into a bad position and called us for help. We decided to send them some money and told them that it was a gift. I dont' loan money. Loaning money changes relationships so no thanks. Anyway, they did thank us. SHortly after that they arrived at our house with a ridiculous amount of Christmas gifts for our 3 kids. That was ridiculous. Money problems and you are buying this kind of crap? Um no. They called again and wanted help paying their daughter's college tuition. No can do.
But wait, I thought it was her money and she could do whatever she wanted with it. That seemed to be your argument on another thread.

Yes. She did what she wanted. But he still had to pay her back. Not sure what your point is.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When my mom moved to town, as an elderly widow, a man living in a neighboring apartment befriended her. He was quite younger but he seemed to be a decent guy and she would cook for him. I wasn't entirely happy about it but he was good company. Anyway i found out that he "borrowed" $400 from her. And, then he went and bought a new car. So, I got on his damn case. Then he sent me a check that bounced. So, i called him in a very pissed off state. I got paid back the next day. Makes me wonder how else he scammed my mom.
However, i digress. As for helping relatives, my BIL got into a bad position and called us for help. We decided to send them some money and told them that it was a gift. I dont' loan money. Loaning money changes relationships so no thanks. Anyway, they did thank us. SHortly after that they arrived at our house with a ridiculous amount of Christmas gifts for our 3 kids. That was ridiculous. Money problems and you are buying this kind of crap? Um no. They called again and wanted help paying their daughter's college tuition. No can do.
But wait, I thought it was her money and she could do whatever she wanted with it. That seemed to be your argument on another thread.
Yes. She did what she wanted. But he still had to pay her back. Not sure what your point is.

The point is that you flip out when I suggest getting involved witth a parent's finances, but when you do so then it's ok.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

No, you want to tell your capable adult parents how they should spend every dime they have as if they are 3 yrs old because they are over 60. Big difference.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You also seem to think adult siblings get to direct all of their parents finances.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
No, you want to tell your capable adult parents how they should spend every dime they have as if they are 3 yrs old because they are over 60. Big difference.

Yet you got involved here. SAME THING.

huskerbb · Guru

It's ok to freak out about $400, but if someone is in danger of losing thousands of dollars, it's best not to say anything. LOL!!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
It's ok to freak out about $400, but if someone is in danger of losing thousands of dollars, it's best not to say anything. LOL!!

You read into posts whatever your distorted perceptions are. I really can't help you.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It's ok to freak out about $400, but if someone is in danger of losing thousands of dollars, it's best not to say anything. LOL!!
You read into posts whatever your distorted perceptions are. I really can't help you.

You chastise others for doing EXACTLY what you now admit you are willing to do.

Hypocritical, to say the least.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I like this:

They think you owe them your life; all you owe them is money.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
It's ok to freak out about $400, but if someone is in danger of losing thousands of dollars, it's best not to say anything. LOL!!
You read into posts whatever your distorted perceptions are. I really can't help you.
You chastise others for doing EXACTLY what you now admit you are willing to do.

Hypocritical, to say the least.

Oh FFS. confuse

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You latch on to one nuanced comment that someone has said 5 years ago and try to spin things into something they aren't and never were. You have issues.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You latch on to one nuanced comment that someone has said 5 years ago and try to spin things into something they aren't and never were. You have issues.

It was only a few months ago. The situation was very similar. You said people should not intervene even if their parents are getting scammed. Now, you were worried about this guy scamming your parent and so yiu intervened to get her $400 back.

hypocrite

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You latch on to one nuanced comment that someone has said 5 years ago and try to spin things into something they aren't and never were. You have issues.
It was only a few months ago. The situation was very similar. You said people should not intervene even if their parents are getting scammed. Now, you were worried about this guy scamming your parent and so yiu intervened to get her $400 back.

hypocrite

That isn't what I said but whatever. Go get your jollies off. confuse

Tinydancer · Guru

Don't worry LGS. We know how often husker likes to put words in other peoples mouth just so he has a reason to argue...

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Don't worry LGS. We know how often husker likes to put words in other peoples mouth just so he has a reason to argue...

I'm going by what was said. On one thread it was "bad" to get involved with a parents finances, and now it's "good", apparently.

hypocritical

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
And she didn't tell the therapist about it because she doesn't want to hear the truth. It would hurt too much.

I get the feeling she did tell the therapist and feels the therapist's advice was maybe too harsh (from her 'not wanting to be rude' comment) and wrote here for another opinion or for validation that she can do what the therapist said.

Mary Zombie · Guru

My parents helped me many years ago but I had to start enforcing boundaries when many years later and I was doing just fine they still thought they had ownership in my choices.
Dad especially. I did alot of phone call screening.
She doesnt have to keep explaining her life as long as she is paying them. She doesn't have to answer the phone either.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

If she really wants to get them off her back, she should take out a loan at the bank.

Pay them off. (It doesn't sound like she owes very much.)

And tell them all to leave her alone.

That would be my advice, if she asked me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She should get a rich b/f.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She should get a rich b/f.

That could work too, I reckon! wink

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She should get a rich b/f.
That could work too, I reckon!

biggrin

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

But seriously, it doesn't sound like she's ready to start dating yet.

Just getting out of an abusive marriage, and all.

But, her family doesn't sound much better, to me.

She needs to pay them off, ASAP.

And get out from under their unreasonable demands.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I was being facetious. Definitely shouldn't start dating.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I was being facetious. Definitely shouldn't start dating.

Roger that! wink

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
But seriously, it doesn't sound like she's ready to start dating yet.
Just getting out of an abusive marriage, and all.
But, her family doesn't sound much better, to me.
She needs to pay them off, ASAP.
And get out from under their unreasonable demands.

The debt doesn't stop with paying the money back from what I gather. The debt includes the posse running in and saving her apparently. Maybe it's well founded. The posse needs to decide whether to keep helping her or not and stop demanding more than the loans repaid, and LW needs to set boundaries.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I was being facetious. Definitely shouldn't start dating.

No, you were 100% serious...and it was bad advice. evileye

Bad, bad, BAD!!!

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Don't worry LGS. We know how often husker likes to put words in other peoples mouth just so he has a reason to argue...
I'm going by what was said. On one thread it was "bad" to get involved with a parents finances, and now it's "good", apparently.

hypocritical

I am sorry you have trouble with reading comprehension.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Don't worry LGS. We know how often husker likes to put words in other peoples mouth just so he has a reason to argue...
I'm going by what was said. On one thread it was "bad" to get involved with a parents finances, and now it's "good", apparently.

hypocritical
I am sorry you have trouble with reading comprehension.

I'm not. You just got caught severely back-tracking on what you said.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Husker you dont get to define my opinions for me.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Anyone remember the name of that thread?

I really want to resurrect it..

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Husker you dont get to define my opinions for me.

You defined them well, yourself. I'm just repeating what you stated.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

No not really.

huskerbb · Guru

Of course I am. When I suggested that children should intervene to prevent their parents from being victims of fraud--you said it was "their money" and that they shouldn't interfere.

Now when it was your mother, you said exactly the opposite.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

just Czech wrote:
Anyone remember the name of that thread?

I really want to resurrect it..

No but it was about an older lady giving money to a tv preacher.