TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mom doesn't want me drinking in their house

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Mom's house. Mom's rules.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Oh, FFS.

Does the Dad drink?

flan

TrudyML · Guru

Move out!

FNW · Guru

Really. You want to drink, move out. You don't get to make the rules in someone else's home.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Mom's house. She gets to make the rules.
LW sounds a bit immature to me. If you need to announce you are an adult, you still have some growing up to do.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

Stop at the bar on your way home.

huskerbb · Guru

Me and my siblings all drink, some of us more than others. My mom is really against it. We usually don't drink in her house.

It was funny, though, when she invited our pastor over for Thanksgiving dinner....

He brought beer.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan

HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.

She's planning on it.

When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.
She's planning on it.
When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?
flan

Who cares. Mom doesn't want people drinking in HER house. That's the only thing that matters. I do not understand the entitlement attitude that people get to do whatever they want in someone else's house. Hell, Mom could have a rule that friends are not allowed over, and that would still be REASONABLE b/c it's her house.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.
She's planning on it.
When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?
flan
Who cares. Mom doesn't want people drinking in HER house. That's the only thing that matters. I do not understand the entitlement attitude that people get to do whatever they want in someone else's house. Hell, Mom could have a rule that friends are not allowed over, and that would still be REASONABLE b/c it's her house.

I do not think that word means what you think it does...

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.
She's planning on it.
When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?
flan
Who cares. Mom doesn't want people drinking in HER house. That's the only thing that matters. I do not understand the entitlement attitude that people get to do whatever they want in someone else's house. Hell, Mom could have a rule that friends are not allowed over, and that would still be REASONABLE b/c it's her house.
I do not think that word means what you think it does...
flan

So you really think it's ok for a grown child to use their parents house as party central, invite over who they want and drink what they want, regardless of mom's feelings about the subject?

Bull.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.
She's planning on it.
When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?
flan
Who cares. Mom doesn't want people drinking in HER house. That's the only thing that matters. I do not understand the entitlement attitude that people get to do whatever they want in someone else's house. Hell, Mom could have a rule that friends are not allowed over, and that would still be REASONABLE b/c it's her house.
I do not think that word means what you think it does...
flan

So you really think it's ok for a grown child to use their parents house as party central, invite over who they want and drink what they want, regardless of mom's feelings about the subject?
Bull.

You did not specify WHOSE friends.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
As long as the rules are reasonable.

flan
HUH? You don't like the rules - MOVE OUT.
She's planning on it.
When she invites friends over, are THEY allowed to drink?
flan
Who cares. Mom doesn't want people drinking in HER house. That's the only thing that matters. I do not understand the entitlement attitude that people get to do whatever they want in someone else's house. Hell, Mom could have a rule that friends are not allowed over, and that would still be REASONABLE b/c it's her house.
I do not think that word means what you think it does...
flan

So you really think it's ok for a grown child to use their parents house as party central, invite over who they want and drink what they want, regardless of mom's feelings about the subject?
Bull.

You did not specify WHOSE friends.
flan

Why do you talk in circles? Your question above is about the daughter - why would it change? Because you make no sense and are trying to backtrack?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I should have specified that it was the MOTHER inviting her friends over because THAT was my question.

flan

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Mom still gets to make the rules, flan. If she is okay with her own friends drinking, which is honestly unlikely, as I can't picture mom buying any kind of booze, that is still her right.
Mom's house, mom's rules.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Yeah Mom's house Mom's rules. And I agree with Husker just stop off for a glass of wine on your way home if you really need a drink. Or better yet put that money she would spend on wine into her move out fund.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

Mom's house, mom's rules. Or just act like a teenager and keep your bottle in the closet.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
I should have specified that it was the MOTHER inviting her friends over because THAT was my question.

flan

OK. Using the pronoun "she" to mean 2 different people without any clarification is not gramatically sound.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

There is no drinking in this house.

No smoking.

No cussing.

Don't like it?

Don't live here. Don't come over.

FNW · Guru

The LW has entitlement issues.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
There is no drinking in this house.

No smoking.

No cussing.

Don't like it?

Don't live here. Don't come over.

No worries...

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Mom still gets to make the rules, flan. If she is okay with her own friends drinking, which is honestly unlikely, as I can't picture mom buying any kind of booze, that is still her right.
Mom's house, mom's rules.

I still would like to know how Dad feels.

flan

weltschmerz · Guru

From the letter, it sounds like she drinks every single night. That's a red flag. Earlier, she said one or two.

My family's view of alcohol seems to have been skewed because of our history. Abby, one glass of wine a night does not an alcoholic make, right?

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Thursday 7th of January 2016 03:05:00 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

IT's very easy. If you dont' like the rules of the house, move out and support yourself. It doesn't matter if it is reasonable or unreasonable. It's their rules.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Me and my siblings all drink, some of us more than others. My mom is really against it. We usually don't drink in her house.

It was funny, though, when she invited our pastor over for Thanksgiving dinner....

He brought beer.

Some people drink every night. That doesnt' make them an alcoholic. Some people are just heavy drinkers and they do it responsibly so it isn't a problem for them. Some people should stay away from it altogether. And, for others who have had bad experiences in their past, of course they are going to be bothered by it. He should just stop at the bar or a friend's house after work.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I get to add my DH is a recovering alcoholic. This April he will be clean for 11 years. He would prefer that no alcohol comes into the house. I don't drink often so it's not an issue. Mostly when I do I get the individually packaged frozen drinks so there not a lot of hard alcohol laying around. I usually try to drink when he is not here. But again, I don't drink often. I think I may have some travel size bottles of some kind of drink because last year I made home made hot cocoa for my neighbors and tied a bottle of alcohol to the hot cocoa. DN and Sparkly were never allowed to drink at our house. This pat New Year's Eve they asked if they could come over and bring a bottle of wine. DH told them yes. It was all done responsibly.

What people have to understand is that when someone has had a problem with alcohol in the past it's even MORE important to respect the house rules. Maybe the person with the problem doesn't mind it there. Maybe they do. I'm not advocating walking on eggshells around the person. I'm saying that you respectfully ask them if they mind you drinking in their house. Some people will say yes and others no. Then you have to do what they ask. It's their house. This falls into the same category as not putting nasty feet on an ottoman or anything else like this.

This girl needs to move out. If she can't respect her mom enough to understand her viewpoint she is not an adult yet.

-- Edited by Nobody Just Nobody on Thursday 7th of January 2016 03:52:59 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Me and my siblings all drink, some of us more than others. My mom is really against it. We usually don't drink in her house.

It was funny, though, when she invited our pastor over for Thanksgiving dinner....

He brought beer.
Some people drink every night. That doesnt' make them an alcoholic. Some people are just heavy drinkers and they do it responsibly so it isn't a problem for them. Some people should stay away from it altogether. And, for others who have had bad experiences in their past, of course they are going to be bothered by it. He should just stop at the bar or a friend's house after work.

In most cases, it most certainly does.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Me and my siblings all drink, some of us more than others. My mom is really against it. We usually don't drink in her house.

It was funny, though, when she invited our pastor over for Thanksgiving dinner....

He brought beer.
Some people drink every night. That doesnt' make them an alcoholic. Some people are just heavy drinkers and they do it responsibly so it isn't a problem for them. Some people should stay away from it altogether. And, for others who have had bad experiences in their past, of course they are going to be bothered by it. He should just stop at the bar or a friend's house after work.
In most cases, it most certainly does.

Wow!

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Even if there isn't a history of alcoholism, some just don't want it in their house.

And that is their right as the owners of the home.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If you drink every night and the thought of going without for one night gives you serious pause to reconsider going without then yes, you have an issue. I know people who don't drink excessively and yet won't eat at a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol or go on vacation if they can't drink. They literally plan their life around having a drink. So yes, if that is something you do, if you can't go without a drink then, yes you have a problem. Even if you don't drink to excess.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If you drink every night and the thought of going without for one night gives you serious pause to reconsider going without then yes, you have an issue. I know people who don't drink excessively and yet won't eat at a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol or go on vacation if they can't drink. They literally plan their life around having a drink. So yes, if that is something you do, if you can't go without a drink then, yes you have a problem. Even if you don't drink to excess.

Exactly this. I mean, if you drink a glass of wine with dinner to enhance your food - no, of course that doesn't make you an alcoholic. But if you need to drink a couple or a few to "unwind" and can't without it, that's a problem.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
I should have specified that it was the MOTHER inviting her friends over because THAT was my question.

flan

That's a stupid question.

She doesn't have friends who would even consider drinking in her house.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Me and my siblings all drink, some of us more than others. My mom is really against it. We usually don't drink in her house.

It was funny, though, when she invited our pastor over for Thanksgiving dinner....

He brought beer.
Some people drink every night. That doesnt' make them an alcoholic. Some people are just heavy drinkers and they do it responsibly so it isn't a problem for them. Some people should stay away from it altogether. And, for others who have had bad experiences in their past, of course they are going to be bothered by it. He should just stop at the bar or a friend's house after work.
In most cases, it most certainly does.

That is pure ignorant BS. A LOT of people have a few beers or a glass of wine when they get home from work or whatever. That doesn't make them alcoholics.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

I was curious about the concept of drinking daily (and not to excess) and whether it points to a problem.

This website seemed reasonable with their answer to the question of daily-ok-or-not:

http://www.cleanandsoberlive.com/am-i-an-alcoholic-if-i-drink-everyday/

huskerbb · Guru

Honeys_Mom wrote:
I was curious about the concept of drinking daily (and not to excess) and whether it points to a problem.
This website seemed reasonable with their answer to the question of daily-ok-or-not:
http://www.cleanandsoberlive.com/am-i-an-alcoholic-if-i-drink-everyday/

While I don't agree 100% with all of them--I do agree that it is a much more reasonable definition than I've seen in a lot of places.

Yeah--missing work, drinking on the job, etc... probably mean alcoholic. Brown bottle sickness is not a reason to miss work.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

huskerbb wrote:
Honeys_Mom wrote:
I was curious about the concept of drinking daily (and not to excess) and whether it points to a problem.
This website seemed reasonable with their answer to the question of daily-ok-or-not:
http://www.cleanandsoberlive.com/am-i-an-alcoholic-if-i-drink-everyday/

While I don't agree 100% with all of them--I do agree that it is a much more reasonable definition than I've seen in a lot of places.

Yeah--missing work, drinking on the job, etc... probably mean alcoholic. Brown bottle sickness is not a reason to miss work.

By the same token.

Drinking a bottle of wine, every night.

While:

Never missing work.

Never drinking at lunch, or on the job.

Never spending a day hung over.

Will still take a toll, after a while. cry

I should know. Alcohol killed my younger sister.

My sister Chris, was the medical professional of us sisters. She was a terrific Dentist.

Sadly, she died, in July. Because of decades, of drinking too much.

And, not listening to any of her family. We tried to warn her.

She thought, that because she never missed a day of work. Or drank at lunch. Or never woke up with a hang over. That, she was okay.

She was very wrong.

And, she didn't realized it until it was too late. cry

huskerbb · Guru

Never said that alcohol doesn't take a toll.

That in and of itself, however, does not define alcoholism.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Functioning alcoholics are still alcoholics.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Functioning alcoholics are still alcoholics.

As defined how?

They drink more than you do?

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Functioning alcoholics are still alcoholics.
As defined how?

They drink more than you do?

I would define it as:

Someone who drinks every day. Or, almost every day.

Never drinks on the job.

Never misses work.

Never gets a DUI.

So, they function very well, it society.

Until their liver cries foul. And gives out.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I'm not going to get into an argument with you.

Someone who can not go a day without alcohol is an addict.

And just because they aren't falling over drunk doesn't mean they have it under control.

Dissect that any way you wish.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I'm not going to get into an argument with you.

Someone who can not go a day without alcohol is an addict.

And just because they aren't falling over drunk doesn't mean they have it under control.

Dissect that any way you wish.

Like I thought. Anyone who drinks more than you must be an alcoholic.

Why do you get to define "need" vs. "want"?

If someone WANTS a few beers every day, what's the difference?

You just define it as a "need" because you wouldn't make the same CHOICE.

huskerbb · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Functioning alcoholics are still alcoholics.
As defined how?

They drink more than you do?
I would define it as:
Someone who drinks every day. Or, almost every day.
Never drinks on the job.
Never misses work.
Never gets a DUI.
So, they function very well, it society.
Until their liver cries foul. And gives out.

???? But that's silly. That's more genetics than anything.

I've known people who have drank like fish for over 60 years, and then they died of something other than liver failure.

Were they NOT alcoholics just because their liver could take it?

chef · Guru

I don't drink. DH doesn't drink. Neither of us have alcoholics in the family. We're just not drinkers and don't see the point in it.

The rare time alcohol is in my home is if I need for a recipe. Even rarer, is when I feel like having a drink of some sort. I can go years without having alcohol and I don't miss it one bit.

I've never had a situation in which someone wanted to drink in my home so I'm not sure how I would feel. I would likely check with the local PD to find out what my liability (if any) would be related to that person's actions after drinking. I'm very, very strict on zero consumption of alcohol before driving so I can't imagine I'd be comfortable with a visitor drinking if they were going to be driving soon afterward.

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
I don't drink. DH doesn't drink. Neither of us have alcoholics in the family. We're just not drinkers and don't see the point in it.

The rare time alcohol is in my home is if I need for a recipe. Even rarer, is when I feel like having a drink of some sort. I can go years without having alcohol and I don't miss it one bit.

I've never had a situation in which someone wanted to drink in my home so I'm not sure how I would feel. I would likely check with the local PD to find out what my liability (if any) would be related to that person's actions after drinking. I'm very, very strict on zero consumption of alcohol before driving so I can't imagine I'd be comfortable with a visitor drinking if they were going to be driving soon afterward.

No sh!t. People are making WAY too much of this.

It's not like it comes up every day for you. You probably don't hang around many drinkers. The friends you do have that drink undoubtedly know darn well how you feel, so it's just never an issue.

I'm sure it's the same way for the mom in this letter--until her daughter wants to booze it up.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I'm not going to get into an argument with you.

Someone who can not go a day without alcohol is an addict.

And just because they aren't falling over drunk doesn't mean they have it under control.

Dissect that any way you wish.

Like I thought. Anyone who drinks more than you must be an alcoholic.

Why do you get to define "need" vs. "want"?

If someone WANTS a few beers every day, what's the difference?

You just define it as a "need" because you wouldn't make the same CHOICE.

Need vs want.

Want = take it or leave it. Will not have physical withdrawal if they go without.

Need = can't function without it. Physical withdrawal without it.

There is a huge difference between weekend warriors and alcoholics.

chef · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
chef wrote:
I don't drink. DH doesn't drink. Neither of us have alcoholics in the family. We're just not drinkers and don't see the point in it.

The rare time alcohol is in my home is if I need for a recipe. Even rarer, is when I feel like having a drink of some sort. I can go years without having alcohol and I don't miss it one bit.

I've never had a situation in which someone wanted to drink in my home so I'm not sure how I would feel. I would likely check with the local PD to find out what my liability (if any) would be related to that person's actions after drinking. I'm very, very strict on zero consumption of alcohol before driving so I can't imagine I'd be comfortable with a visitor drinking if they were going to be driving soon afterward.
No sh!t. People are making WAY too much of this.

It's not like it comes up every day for you. You probably don't hang around many drinkers. The friends you do have that drink undoubtedly know darn well how you feel, so it's just never an issue.

I'm sure it's the same way for the mom in this letter--until her daughter wants to booze it up.

True. I don't hang around many drinkers. The only one I know of in my family is my uncle and he can easily drink a 12 pack and still be sober.

My friends don't know how I feel about alcohol as it never comes up. We don't sit around and talk about alcohol. Never have. I don't even know if any of my friends drink. Don't care if they do.

And, btw, I don't feel alcohol is evil. It's just something I don't do. Not for moral or religious reasons. It's just not a thing in my life. There's plenty of drinks I do like. When I go to Laughlin, I usually have a drink or two. The shows often include one drink in the price of the ticket so I will have that drink. If I want a margarita, I'm not going to pay $7 for a virgin when the real one is $1. The buffet at the hotel I stay at in Laughlin does a champagne brunch (and the price reflects as much). I get my champagne. I don't drive when I'm in Laughlin so I have no real need to remain sober. But at home? It's just not something I do except on very rare occasions.