dear Abby has a letter about a couple who drinks too much and the female of the two will go so far as to pass out in the guest bedroom of a friend's home--BEFORE dinner.
I cant easily post post it from this device, so someone feel free if it interests you.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been friends with another couple, "Bill" and "Emily," for 20 years. We usually have dinner together once every four to six weeks.
In the past, everyone enjoyed a ****tail or a glass of wine with dinner and nobody overdid it. But over the last year or so, it is clear that they have started drinking earlier in the day, before we arrive. They each consume multiple drinks while my wife and I are still on our first. Emily often is noticeably drunk within the first hour and excuses herself to go to bed while Bill continues drinking. Often dinner plans at their house or at a nearby restaurant must be canceled because of this behavior.
When they visit our home, Emily helps herself to several glasses of wine before dinner and then passes out in our guest room, while Bill sits on the couch rambling on and we speed up the cooking to get food on the table. When dinner is finished, we suggest it's time to call it a night. Our get-togethers are now over in less than two hours.
How do we tell these otherwise nice friends that they drink too much? -- UNWILLING BARTENDER IN ARIZONA
DEAR BARTENDER: The next time Bill and Emily come to your home for dinner, make sure your liquor is locked up and don't serve any. If you are asked about the omission, you and your wife should tell them that YOU have decided to "cut back" on your alcohol consumption because it will enable you to enjoy their company more. (I wish you could videotape their reaction.)
It will be interesting to see if you still enjoy their company when they are sober, and vice versa. If they take offense and decide to socialize with you less often, don't take it personally. Realize that alcohol now rules their lives.
I do not think you should try to perform an "intervention" because it doesn't appear you are close enough to them to do it with much success.
Not sure there is a lot they can do about it other than no longer getting together.
Sure, they can put away the alcohol at their house, but can't do so at the other couples house or a restaurant. It also won't stop them from getting blitzed before they come over, which is occurring.
abby missed the mark with her comment about enjoying their company when they are sober. They won't be sober.
-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 18th of January 2016 09:39:00 AM
__________________
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Not sure there is a lot they can do about it other than no longer getting together.
Sure, they can put away the alcohol at their house, but can't do so at the other couples house or a restaurant. It also won't stop them from getting blitzed before they come over, which is occurring.
abby missed the mark with her comment about enjoying their company when they are sober. They won't be sober.
-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 18th of January 2016 09:39:00 AM
Yeah, I agree. They'll just bring their own booze, as well as drinking before they arrive.
After the 2nd time this happened, I wouldn't be having dinner with them again. But, I would have probably cut back the alcohol after the 1st time it happened, and joked about wanting to actually get through dinner before someone passed out. Then, if they didn't get the hint and did it again, it would be the last time.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
They have been friends for 20 yrs. And, this is a recent development. Why not sit down and have a chat with them and tell them?
Of course. But how many alcoholics do you know that will admit it? And I would think that chat would need to be over breakfast, and not dinner, b/c come dinner time, they likely won't be sober enough to have a coherent chat.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
What i am saying is that if she conftonted her friend in love that her friend might hear that. It's worth a try isnt it?
You're right. It's probably worth a try. Going to sleep in the guest bedroom before dinner is really bizarre behavior.
Maybe they are having some really bad personal problems or something. Who knows? They are your friends. Why not talk to them rather than just dumping them?
Well I think its obvious that the over the top drinking didn't just start happening. Perhaps they were both party couples and the LW is cutting back and so noticing her friend's behavior. At any rate, I wouldn't invite them again and would mention something to them. They will get PO'd and cut off relations but when and if they sober up,, they will come back. Nothing you can do but remove yourself.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
A true friend walks in when the rest of yhe world is walking out. There's a problem here. I wouldn't abandon a friend of 20 yrs. Yes have a talk. And yes set boundaries and ground rules.
A true friend walks in when the rest of yhe world is walking out. There's a problem here. I wouldn't abandon a friend of 20 yrs. Yes have a talk. And yes set boundaries and ground rules.
And one of those boundaries should be no more dinner parties where they get hammered.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A true friend walks in when the rest of yhe world is walking out. There's a problem here. I wouldn't abandon a friend of 20 yrs. Yes have a talk. And yes set boundaries and ground rules.
And one of those boundaries should be no more dinner parties where they get hammered.
A true friend walks in when the rest of yhe world is walking out. There's a problem here. I wouldn't abandon a friend of 20 yrs. Yes have a talk. And yes set boundaries and ground rules.
And one of those boundaries should be no more dinner parties where they get hammered.
Of course.
I would do both: have a talk and discontinue the dinner parties. If things don't change, I would let them know that I am still a friend, but am choosing distance currently.
Well I think its obvious that the over the top drinking didn't just start happening. Perhaps they were both party couples and the LW is cutting back and so noticing her friend's behavior. At any rate, I wouldn't invite them again and would mention something to them. They will get PO'd and cut off relations but when and if they sober up,, they will come back. Nothing you can do but remove yourself.
But being a "party couple" doesn't include passing out BEFORE said party.
__________________
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
