DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has no issue with nudity. She worked herself through her master's degree in finance as an exotic dancer. She has a phenomenal figure, eats healthy and works out often.
Last year we bought a home in a small residential community, complete with a pool. We installed a fence and spent a lot of money on landscaping to give us privacy from our neighbors.
We live in Florida and spend a lot of time in our pool, especially on weekends. My girlfriend doesn't like to wear a swimsuit, and I have no issues with it.
At a neighborhood event recently, one of our neighbors politely asked her if she wouldn't mind covering up when in the pool. She said her kids, and I'm sure her hubby, can see into our yard from their second story. My girlfriend apologized for their inconvenience, but told them she wouldn't be changing her habits in her home to stop another family from gawking.
I see both sides of this. I agree she shouldn't feel compelled to wear a suit to swim in our own pool (or lounge by it). But I can also see the neighbor's side. The preteen boys and husband can get an eyeful just about every weekend, and I don't think a few tan lines are worth a feud with the neighbors. Any suggestions for my dilemma? -- SWIMSUIT ETIQUETTE
DEAR S.E.: I, too, can see both sides of this. However, you and your girlfriend have done as much as you can to protect her privacy. You can't be responsible for your neighbor's husband's and children's voyeurism. I don't think your girlfriend should feel compelled to change her lifestyle because they act like Peeping Toms.
I do think it would be healthier for all concerned if your neighbor had a talk with her "boys" regarding their family's standards when it comes to naturism and respecting the privacy of others.
I see nothing wrong with swimming naked in your own pool.
And the neighbor has brought to their attention that it isn't quite as private as they thought.
So now, neither can say they didn't know. And neither can get pissy about it.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
C'mon. The kids are going to look. That's just a fact. You can "tell" them all about respecting another persons privacy until you are blue in the face, and it won't matter.
Plus, this isn't really that "private". It's not like they are putting a ladder up to the neighbors fence or drilling a peep hole. They just happen to be in an upstairs room--and they have as much right to look out their window as she does to swim naked.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
She needs to cover up. Or risk being arrested for indecent exposure.
No. This is no different than if she was walking around her house naked and they were looking in the windows. The pool is fenced for privacy, no one looking at normal height would be able to see.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
C'mon. The kids are going to look. That's just a fact. You can "tell" them all about respecting another persons privacy until you are blue in the face, and it won't matter.
Plus, this isn't really that "private". It's not like they are putting a ladder up to the neighbors fence or drilling a peep hole. They just happen to be in an upstairs room--and they have as much right to look out their window as she does to swim naked.
Oh, I know. But you don't get to pitch a fit because your boys won't stop looking.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
C'mon. The kids are going to look. That's just a fact. You can "tell" them all about respecting another persons privacy until you are blue in the face, and it won't matter.
Plus, this isn't really that "private". It's not like they are putting a ladder up to the neighbors fence or drilling a peep hole. They just happen to be in an upstairs room--and they have as much right to look out their window as she does to swim naked.
Oh, I know. But you don't get to pitch a fit because your boys won't stop looking.
Yeah, I'm not sure theres a solution here.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
She needs to cover up. Or risk being arrested for indecent exposure.
I doubt that will stick on private property.
Whats the difference between this and leaving an apartment window open and some pervert looks in?
There is no difference. You take your clothes off knowing others can see, it's indecent exposure. Exposure inside a private home may meet the "public place" requirement if persons outside the home can observe the exposure. This is the law in some jurisdictions. This woman is on notice that others can see. If she continues to expose herself, she could be arrested in some jurisdictions.
When I was much younger, there was a judge who lived nearby. He would throw skinny dipping parties, and the boys next door would get on their roof and watch. The police would break the parties up and make arrests.
She needs to cover up. Or risk being arrested for indecent exposure.
I doubt that will stick on private property.
Whats the difference between this and leaving an apartment window open and some pervert looks in?
There is no difference. You take your clothes off knowing others can see, it's indecent exposure. Exposure inside a private home may meet the "public place" requirement if persons outside the home can observe the exposure. This is the law in some jurisdictions. This woman is on notice that others can see. If she continues to expose herself, she could be arrested in some jurisdictions.
When I was much younger, there was a judge who lived nearby. He would throw skinny dipping parties, and the boys next door would get on their roof and watch. The police would break the parties up and make arrests.
Well, not in Florida.
The following is from Florida Statute 800.03:
It shall be unlawful for any person to expose or exhibit his sexual organs in any public place or on the private premises of another, or so near thereto as to be seen from such private premises, in a vulgar or indecent manner, or so to expose or exhibit his person in such place, or to go or to be naked in such place. Provided, however, this section shall not be construed to prohibit the exposure of such or the person in any place provided or set apart for such purpose.
The Florida Supreme Court and lower courts have repeatedly ruled that mere nudity (as in sunbathing and skinny dipping) is not in violation of this law. Mere nudity is not considered lewd or indecent exposire.
Now, here's where Florida law gets a little messy. Floridaʼs catch-all “disorderly conduct” statute, Florida Statute (F.S.) §877.03 is the state law that can affect naturists seeking their natural right to Floridaʼs sun. F.S. §877.03 is a second degree misdemeanor and does not constitute a sex offense. F.S. §877.03 forbids a citizen or tourist from doing anything that would “corrupt the public morals, or outrage the sense of public decency, ... or engages in such conduct as to constitute a breach of the peace or disorderly conduct.”
The Florida Supreme Court has ruled that “mere annoyance” is insufficient to constitute a crime under §877.03 in Gonzales v. City of Belle Glade, 287 So.2d 669 (Fla. 1973). This principle as applied to naturists was underlined in Sosnow v. State, where the appeals court ruled that the effect of oneʼs nudity “requires more than ʻthe creation of a mere annoyance.ʼ “
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
She needs to cover up. Or risk being arrested for indecent exposure.
I don't agree. They have to look from the second floor or above. When do you have any rights on your own property? So you have horny teen boys, so what? Not her problem.
1. If the one skinky dipping were male, would the responses be different?
2. How is this woman going to react when she finds out someone is taking pictures or inviting friends over to see?
3. Is this woman setting herself up for a possible sexual assault. Not intentionally of course.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
In Europe there are ladies sunbathing topless in public parks whenever the weather allows. And boobs in commercials on tv all the dang time. Nudity is only sexual in the US. It's weird.
In Europe there are ladies sunbathing topless in public parks whenever the weather allows. And boobs in commercials on tv all the dang time. Nudity is only sexual in the US. It's weird.
I agree.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
So if this was a guy and it was daughters who could see into the backyard, everyone would be just as ok with it?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
So if this was a guy and it was daughters who could see into the backyard, everyone would be just as ok with it?
I'd be telling my kids not to look. And yes, it's a naked body, nothing more. Now, if the guy was masturbating, that would be a different story.
In his own yard, behind a fence?
What if the woman was masturbating?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Just don't look! Put up sheer curtains if you have too, just like if they painted the house an ugly color or had an offensive sign up. It is their house, they are not breaking any laws, so MYOB and deal with it.
She needs to cover up. Or risk being arrested for indecent exposure.
I doubt that will stick on private property.
Whats the difference between this and leaving an apartment window open and some pervert looks in?
There is no difference. You take your clothes off knowing others can see, it's indecent exposure. Exposure inside a private home may meet the "public place" requirement if persons outside the home cano observe the exposure. This is the law in some jurisdictions. This woman is on notice that others can see. If she continues to expose herself, she could be arrested in some jurisdictions.
When I was much younger, there was a judge who lived nearby. He would throw skinny dipping parties, and the boys next door would get on their roof and watch. The police would break the parties up and make arrests.
No, it isn't. Yiu have a right to expect privacy in your own home. I'll defer to the lawyer on this, but she essentially agreed.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
So if this was a guy and it was daughters who could see into the backyard, everyone would be just as ok with it?
It's IRRELEVANT as to whether or not any one person thinks it's "ok". The question is what can be done. The answer to that question is pretty much nothing.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
In California, it is illegal if you are trying to be an exhibitionist. A defense would be if she didn't know anyone was present who would be offended. She now knows people can see her and are offended. So if she does it again, she could be arrested.
"There are exceptions to this however. While sunbathing on private property, you can still be charged with indecent exposure if your back yard is visible to the public. If your back yard can be viewed by people passing on a street or your neighbors are offended by your sunbathing, you may find yourself in violation of the indecent exposure law.
I don't care what someone does in the privacy of their backyard. Or just on their property.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
So if this was a guy and it was daughters who could see into the backyard, everyone would be just as ok with it?
I'd be telling my kids not to look. And yes, it's a naked body, nothing more. Now, if the guy was masturbating, that would be a different story.
But what if she were? I still doubt that much can be done.
Lewd behavior while naked is against the law in Florida if it can be seen.
But where do yiu draw the line. If two teenage boys are using a binoculars to spy on the girl next door, how is that her fault?
That's up to the trier of fact. Lewd and lascivious is a reasonable man standard. What would a reasonable person consider lewd?
But binoculars would make it hard to prove lewdness, I would think. If you can't see it just going about your business, that's more peeping Tom to me than anyone being an exhibitionist.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
In California, it is illegal if you are trying to be an exhibitionist. A defense would be if she didn't know anyone was present who would be offended. She now knows people can see her and are offended. So if she does it again, she could be arrested.
"There are exceptions to this however. While sunbathing on private property, you can still be charged with indecent exposure if your back yard is visible to the public. If your back yard can be viewed by people passing on a street or your neighbors are offended by your sunbathing, you may find yourself in violation of the indecent exposure law.
I do. Meth houses explode. Target practicing? Ricochets. Bad shots. Just because it's your property, doesn't mean you can do whatever the heck you want. But I don't live in the country where the nearest neighbor is a mile away.
Did you read the cites I provided LL? It says, "* The state law in Florida makes nudity illegal only if the nudity is “vulgar or indecent,” but being naked on your property where you can be seen by the neighbors is still against the law."
Did you read the cites I provided LL? It says, "* The state law in Florida makes nudity illegal only if the nudity is “vulgar or indecent,” but being naked on your property where you can be seen by the neighbors is still against the law."
Did you read what I quoted where it says the Florida Supreme Court and lower courts have consistently held that nudity by itself such and sunbathing and skinny dipping do not break the law?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
In California, it is illegal if you are trying to be an exhibitionist. A defense would be if she didn't know anyone was present who would be offended. She now knows people can see her and are offended. So if she does it again, she could be arrested.
"There are exceptions to this however. While sunbathing on private property, you can still be charged with indecent exposure if your back yard is visible to the public. If your back yard can be viewed by people passing on a street or your neighbors are offended by your sunbathing, you may find yourself in violation of the indecent exposure law.
Yes, but we aren't talking about a one time exposure to someone while strolling through the forest, communing with nature. This is an ongoing problem with repeated offenses targeting the same victim.
Yes, they "tried" to make it private. But you can't tell me they didn't know there was a second floor window with a view. So okay, assume they didn't know. They do now. Now they need to knock it off.
Yes, but we aren't talking about a one time exposure to someone while strolling through the forest, communing with nature. This is an ongoing problem with repeated offenses targeting the same victim.
Yes, they "tried" to make it private. But you can't tell me they didn't know there was a second floor window with a view. So okay, assume they didn't know. They do now. Now they need to knock it off.
She didn't "target" anyone. In fact, the opposite could be said.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
So if this was a guy and it was daughters who could see into the backyard, everyone would be just as ok with it?
I'd be telling my kids not to look. And yes, it's a naked body, nothing more. Now, if the guy was masturbating, that would be a different story.
But what if she were? I still doubt that much can be done.
Lewd behavior while naked is against the law in Florida if it can be seen.
But where do yiu draw the line. If two teenage boys are using a binoculars to spy on the girl next door, how is that her fault?
That's up to the trier of fact. Lewd and lascivious is a reasonable man standard. What would a reasonable person consider lewd?
But binoculars would make it hard to prove lewdness, I would think. If you can't see it just going about your business, that's more peeping Tom to me than anyone being an exhibitionist.
But I think also the argument could be made that to a reasonable person, they took appropriate measures to shield their property from view. Sure, the "aerial" view was open, but how "reasonable" is it to have to consider that? Someone could fly a drone over, but how is that the property owners fault?
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.