TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: I Want another baby

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She could just off the pill or whatever birth control. And, announce to him that she wants to have a child and if he does not, then let HIM take the steps to prevent it. So, he can wear a condom or whatever. Let him take the responsibilty. That's not just her job.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Friday 22nd of January 2016 07:49:55 AM

FNW · Guru

Or sit him down and have a real conversation about it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well yeah, that too, lol.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

He doesn't like change.

huskerbb · Guru

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for openness and honesty.

However, she is under the pressure of a "clock" here. (Although, assuming she got pregnant tomorrow her kids would be 4 years apart, so the "close in age ship" has left the port)

Would he really end the marriage over another child? He'd still be the father, anyway.

Chances are, it would all work out.

chef · Guru

I would be livid if my spouse removed me from the decision-making process on something as big as having a (second) child.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chef wrote:
I would be livid if my spouse removed me from the decision-making process on something as big as having a (second) child.

Isn't that what he has effectively done to her?

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
I would be livid if my spouse removed me from the decision-making process on something as big as having a (second) child.

But he's done rather the same thing. This is one issue where compromise really isnt possible--you have one more kid or yiu don't.

I dont know what conversations they had prior to marriage, but I highly doubt her desire to have "close in age" kids was a big secret.

They both need to sit down and have an honest conversation about it, because his "maybe" isn't an acceptable answer.

chef · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
chef wrote:
I would be livid if my spouse removed me from the decision-making process on something as big as having a (second) child.
Isn't that what he has effectively done to her?

I suppose his 'maybe' is exactly what you said. Good point.

chef · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
chef wrote:
I would be livid if my spouse removed me from the decision-making process on something as big as having a (second) child.
But he's done rather the same thing. This is one issue where compromise really isnt possible--you have one more kid or yiu don't.
I dont know what conversations they had prior to marriage, but I highly doubt her desire to have "close in age" kids was a big secret.
They both need to sit down and have an honest conversation about it, because his "maybe" isn't an acceptable answer.

True.

But, she still shouldn't get pregnant and surprise him with it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I like Gaga's idea. Go off birth control and tell him. That way it puts birth control in his corner. If he doesn't want to chance pregnancy, he can abstain or use a condom.

Empyreal · Senior Member

I think he is just too freaked out to purposefully "make a baby". It's scary for some people to have sex with the intention of creating another human. Maybe he just can't deal with that..

I would tell him I'm not taking birth control pills any more and leave it at that.

If he is that against having more kids, he will prevent the pregnancy himself.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't know.

It seems like no one is really talking or listening.

I think it should be a mutual decision.

FNW · Guru

We decided together. I was going to go off the pill but DH wanted to wait until we got back from our honeymoon, so there would be no question as to why we got married. But we're old fashioned like that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

LOL, I can understand that. I was pregnant by our first anniversary.

FNW · Guru

Knowing what I know now about his family, I can understand him wanting to prevent any assumptions or allegations on their part.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Let the man take responsibility. If he doesnt want kids then he can prevent it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't think "letting the man take responsibility" in this case is the answer.

She wants another baby.

If she stops with her BC and tells him if he doesn't want a baby then you take care of the BC, and he starts using condoms, she's still gonna be mad at him.

She wants him to give in.

She wants a baby.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't think "letting the man take responsibility" in this case is the answer.

She wants another baby.

If she stops with her BC and tells him if he doesn't want a baby then you take care of the BC, and he starts using condoms, she's still gonna be mad at him.

She wants him to give in.

She wants a baby.

Any married man who is not STRONGLY against getting pregnant will be very negligent with condoms. They hate them.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I just don't think it's an answer.

Because like I said, if he really doesn't want another baby, she's not going to be happy.

They need to talk this out, come to a mutual solution.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
I just don't think it's an answer.

Because like I said, if he really doesn't want another baby, she's not going to be happy.

They need to talk this out, come to a mutual solution.

If he really doesn't want one and she does, the only solution is for one of them to give in. And I'll tell you what, the one to be the least happy with the scenario is the wife. Because one the baby is here, Dad is most likely going to love it whether he wanted it or not. But if they don't have one, she is going to resent it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yes.

Compromise is the hardest thing in these situations.

They need to talk.

No matter how he refuses, if he does, she will not be happy about it.

I don't know. Just feels wrong some how to me.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Yes.

Compromise is the hardest thing in these situations.

They need to talk.

No matter how he refuses, if he does, she will not be happy about it.

I don't know. Just feels wrong some how to me.

How do you compromise this? It's not like you can have 1/2 a baby.

FNW · Guru

I don't think tricking or making DH use birth control if he wants to prevent it is the answer. I think a serious sit down is needed. He puts her off by saying, "Maybe soon." Pinpoint him. Make him define "soon". and "maybe". Sorry, he has not given an acceptable answer and THAT is what he should be accounted for.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

FNW wrote:
I don't think tricking or making DH use birth control if he wants to prevent it is the answer. I think a serious sit down is needed. He puts her off by saying, "Maybe soon." Pinpoint him. Make him define "soon". and "maybe". Sorry, he has not given an acceptable answer and THAT is what he should be accounted for.

I think a serious sit down should have happened, before they tied the knot.

How stupid. cry

If you aren't on board with whether or not you want to have children, or have a ball park figure of how many you would like to have....

You have no business, getting married.

Now, that they have crossed that bridge, they need to have a serious talk.

Soon.

Like, yesterday.

JMHO.

ed11563 · Guru

I wanted a second child, Spouse kept saying "we can't afford it." (we could, she didn't want to admit that she wanted another .. )

One day she told me she had her period and we didn't need b/c.

This was day 14 of her cycle.

Since she was a former High School Health and Phys Ed teacher, I'm pretty sure she knew all about breakthrough bleeding during ovulation.

DS2 continues to be a wonderful son and a bright spot in our lives.

Did she trick me? or did she trick herself? (Doesn't matter, does it? )

-- Edited by ed11563 on Friday 22nd of January 2016 04:56:37 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

DH and I couldn't really decide if we wanted a second child after DD11, but finally decided no. Then God had other plans. LOL! But it has all worked out for the best.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Yes.

Compromise is the hardest thing in these situations.

They need to talk.

No matter how he refuses, if he does, she will not be happy about it.

I don't know. Just feels wrong some how to me.

How do you compromise this? It's not like you can have 1/2 a baby.

No.

Wrong word I guess.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dr. Phil will say two yesses or one No. Well, why should the one No get to trump the Yes? DH wanted to be a dad but he was never sure there would be a "right" time. I mean, is there ever any right time? No. Yes, of course, you might put it off to get your career or finances in better order. But, in reality, those things are going to happen or not with or without a child. You learn and grow and can do it together as long as you are responsible people.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I wanted a big family.

If my dreams were to come true, I'd still be married with at least 3 more kids.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

I wouldn't let Doctor Phil, give advice, to one of my pets. furious

Let alone, a human being.

JMHO.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I just don't think it's an answer.

Because like I said, if he really doesn't want another baby, she's not going to be happy.

They need to talk this out, come to a mutual solution.

If he really doesn't want one and she does, the only solution is for one of them to give in. And I'll tell you what, the one to be the least happy with the scenario is the wife. Because one the baby is here, Dad is most likely going to love it whether he wanted it or not. But if they don't have one, she is going to resent it.

I just typed out something very similar to this, but you already said it so I'll just agree :)

huskerbb · Guru

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
FNW wrote:
I don't think tricking or making DH use birth control if he wants to prevent it is the answer. I think a serious sit down is needed. He puts her off by saying, "Maybe soon." Pinpoint him. Make him define "soon". and "maybe". Sorry, he has not given an acceptable answer and THAT is what he should be accounted for.
I think a serious sit down should have happened, before they tied the knot.
How stupid.
If you aren't on board with whether or not you want to have children, or have a ball park figure of how many you would like to have....
You have no business, getting married.
Now, that they have crossed that bridge, they need to have a serious talk.
Soon.
Like, yesterday.
JMHO.

You are right--and I would like to know what conversations happened prior to marriage, especially since it was only a few years ago.

However, people can change their mind, too. It's not "fair", maybe--but it happens.

ed11563 · Guru

Sailor to Captain while in port ...

"Captain, MY WIFE'S GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!! I have to get home !!!"

(Captain) "Oh my goodness !!! GO HOME !!!"

Sailor returns the next day. Captain asks whether it's a boy or a girl.

(Sailor) "Oh, we won't know for 9 months."

(Captain) WHAT? You said you had to get home because she's having a baby!

(Sailor) Right, she called my up and told me she's having another baby, and asked me if I'd like to be there when she gets it started. smile

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We need a follow up here too!