Q. No sex please—it’s scary: I have been married to a wonderful man for eight years. We are both over 50. In the beginning we had a great sex life, but he has always had issues with sex (which I was eager to help him overcome!). I thought we had done great, but I guess we hadn’t. Now (and for quite some years) he only wants to have sex if it’s his idea. If it’s my idea we can’t do it. He says that he is afraid of being dominated (his mother was very dominating, but she has been dead for decades!) and feels panic if I suggest or initiate sex. I am so hurt and angry and upset. He has had lots of therapy to no avail, but I don’t think he has told anyone these exact words—he’s only just told me! Any ideas?
A: If the prospect of his wife merely suggesting sex (I assume you’re not leaping into the bedroom and demanding he disrobe at once) fills your husband with terror of being dominated, I think he still has a way to go in his therapy sessions. It’s odd and demanding of him to forbid you from initiating sex because of his issues with his long-dead mother. You two should work together with a counselor who specializes in treating couples experiencing sexual dysfunction.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D.
If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill.
If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Tie his butt down and attach a few clamps and force him to enjoy just to the point of completion and then walk off and leave him there for a while.
Do that a couple time before he begs to her finish.
Actually dominate him.
He sounds like whimp of a man. He needs to grow up.
-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Thursday 4th of February 2016 12:57:31 PM
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D. If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill. If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
Yeah, that sounds about right.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D. If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill. If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
It's NOTHING to be ashamed of. Just tell your wife, if that's the case.
Fuzzy handcuffs are fun. Or maybe the real thing. They're not hard to find.
Some candles are great. Hot wax can be thrilling.
Ooh. And you can find some really pretty blades now.
Of course the mind is the best tool.
Proper lighting, the right outfit, a nice cat of nine tails. Setting the mood is everything.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D. If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill. If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
Maybe--but be honest. It's his wife, not some one-nighter. If he truly has the other issues, he needs to work on them.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D. If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill. If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
Maybe--but be honest. It's his wife, not some one-nighter. If he truly has the other issues, he needs to work on them.
Exactly!
He's not the only older man who needs help. It's quite common.
The only ones I've ever chatted at length with about sex is the person I was having it with.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D. If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill. If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
Maybe--but be honest. It's his wife, not some one-nighter. If he truly has the other issues, he needs to work on them.
Exactly!
He's not the only older man who needs help. It's quite common.
flan
Absolutely. It happens. It's life...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
The only ones I've ever chatted at length with about sex is the person I was having it with.
Really? I wouldn't say it comes up every day, but ive certainly talked to people about sex.
I mean there have been the occasional passing talk.
Buy at length in which you talk about intimate details?
No.
Not cause I'm a prude.
I just don't think it's anyone else's business.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
The only ones I've ever chatted at length with about sex is the person I was having it with.
Really? I wouldn't say it comes up every day, but ive certainly talked to people about sex.
I mean there have been the occasional passing talk.
Buy at length in which you talk about intimate details?
No.
Not cause I'm a prude.
I just don't think it's anyone else's business.
Depends on what yiu consider details, but I've discussed it before, fairly in depth. Not a play by play of last night, but pretty in depth.
Had a great time last night! He was awesome!
Vs.
We don't have sex cause he can't get it up.
Or he spent 20 minutes working the tongue tango down across the border.
Just don't see the need in sharing personal, intimate information.
But that's just me. I'm not saying others can't or shouldnt.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think the husband is hiding an E.D.
If she initiates, he doesn't have time to pop the little blue pill.
If he initiates, he's already taken it and the effects have set in...
- Ohfour
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That's a distinct possibility. Prudie should have mentioned it too.
The only ones I've ever chatted at length with about sex is the person I was having it with.
- lilyofcourse
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Strange. I've had pretty in-depth discussion on the topic with friends of both genders. Like husker said, not necessarily a "blow-by-blow" account of a specific night's activities, but definitely including vivid detail on general activity. Like "Have you done ____________?" conversations and wherever they would lead.
