Dear Prudence, I was adopted as a baby in a partially open adoption, so I grew up knowing my biological parents, although we were never close. A few years ago I came out to my parents and they were very accepting. My mom even bought a “My Daughter Is a Lesbian” T-shirt. Recently, my parents encouraged me to come out to my biological family. Talk about a disaster. They’ve completely frozen me out. My half brother actually sent me an email saying I am going to hell. I would love to cut communication, but my mom says I shouldn’t, because family is family no matter what. I say in this case, water is thicker than blood ever will be. Help!
—Wants Out
I understand why your mother feels it’s her responsibility to keep you in contact with your biological relatives, but once someone has notified you of your eternal damnation via email, it’s time to acknowledge that communication has broken down beyond repair. I received a similar email several years ago from a then-girlfriend’s brother, and while he was very polite about informing me I was going to hell for dating his sister, it was rather difficult to make friendly small talk after that. There is no relationship to salvage here. If you stay in touch with your biological relatives, you can look forward to a healthy dose of spiritual abuse with the occasional round of disapproving silence. Your mother may mean well, but if she’s asking you to maintain a relationship with people who think you’re hell-bound for being gay, she’s asking too much.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I guess indont understand the adoptive parents' stance here. I'm not saying they should prevent a relationship, but neither do I think they should force one.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't know, if the bio family freezes their daughter out of their life for any reason, I don't see why she should feel obliged to stay in contact.
She has a supporting and loving family, she doesn't need the one that gave her away. There are threads all the time about cutting toxic people from your life, I think that is what this qualifies as.
Here is my issue - people are ready to throw away family and friends if they don't get the exact right response they want out of the gate. How about giving people time to adjust and discussing it with them?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Here is my issue - people are ready to throw away family and friends if they don't get the exact right response they want out of the gate. How about giving people time to adjust and discussing it with them?
Kind of like when your kid doesn't get to be in a wedding.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Here is my issue - people are ready to throw away family and friends if they don't get the exact right response they want out of the gate. How about giving people time to adjust and discussing it with them?
Kind of like when your kid doesn't get to be in a wedding.
No, nothing like that at all.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Here is my issue - people are ready to throw away family and friends if they don't get the exact right response they want out of the gate. How about giving people time to adjust and discussing it with them?
Kind of like when your kid doesn't get to be in a wedding.
No, nothing like that at all.
Yeah, that is a much more minor issUe. Not even really worth discussing.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Wow I cant even comprehend this new prudie's answer. Sure there is going to be some upset and anger and disagreement and overall bad behavior, but what ever happened to letting the rolling boil simmer down before completely cutting someone out of your life? I could understand it there is a regular occurrence of emotional or verbal abuse going on, but one argument and you are ready to sever ties? ugh.
Wow I cant even comprehend this new prudie's answer. Sure there is going to be some upset and anger and disagreement and overall bad behavior, but what ever happened to letting the rolling boil simmer down before completely cutting someone out of your life? I could understand it there is a regular occurrence of emotional or verbal abuse going on, but one argument and you are ready to sever ties? ugh.
She's not close with them, anyway. Not a big loss.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I didn't catch this when it was originally posted, so forgive my commenting on it now, but it fits in well with something I posted on the other thread.
How is the advice bad? If she'd come out as a Christian and her bio-parents were Atheists or Muslims and bad mouthed her and didn't want anything to do with her; if the advice was basically the same, I'd bet everyone here would be applauding the advice. I know I would be. Just as I agree with this advice.
