TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Want to help Elderly Relatives

FNW · Guru

I would stay out of it. You can't expect a gift to come with conditions, and pretend it will end well.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's not really a gift when you start attaching conditions and dictating terms. So, if you want to set yourself up to miserable, then go ahead and say the son can't stay. And, of course, in reality, he might move out, but in short order will move back in. Not sure if the OP plans to charge them rent or not. But, either way, he is just setting himeself up to be miserable. There are other ways to directly help without the conditions that will come back to bite you. If you are going to purchase the home and let them live there and they are otherwise paying the other bills and you will then own the property, what difference does it make if lazy son lives there or not?

Divine Geek · Guru

If LW wants rid of the son, offering to pay the rent at a retirement community might be the nest option. Those places have restrictions on who can live there, and the son would probably not make the cut.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's not really a gift when you start attaching conditions and dictating terms. So, if you want to set yourself up to miserable, then go ahead and say the son can't stay. And, of course, in reality, he might move out, but in short order will move back in. Not sure if the OP plans to charge them rent or not. But, either way, he is just setting himeself up to be miserable. There are other ways to directly help without the conditions that will come back to bite you. If you are going to purchase the home and let them live there and they are otherwise paying the other bills and you will then own the property, what difference does it make if lazy son lives there or not?

Yeah that was my thought. As long as the people are paying the utilities why bother concerning herself about the son living there? Once the elderly relatives are no longer living in the house then LW can kick him out.

ed11563 · Guru

If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.

He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany! biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He makes a good point! What about that nanny that they couldn't evict?

huskerbb · Guru

Complete BS. This isn't a set of towels or some dinnerware. This is a HOUSE.

Whether you call it a gift or an investment--the "giver" can put any conditions on it that they want to. In this case, it would be VERY prudent to say the loser son can't stay there. Otherwise, in a few years when they pass away or go to a nursing home--she'll have to try to evict the SOB and that could take YEARS.

If they don't like the "conditions"--then they don't have to accept it.

Plus, people put "conditions" on "gifts" ALL THE TIME. When they first get their teenagers a car--you have to keep up your grades, not text and drive or drive if you've been drinking, don't miss curfew, etc...--otherwise the car goes away.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Complete BS. This isn't a set of towels or some dinnerware. This is a HOUSE.

Whether you call it a gift or an investment--the "giver" can put any conditions on it that they want to. In this case, it would be VERY prudent to say the loser son can't stay there. Otherwise, in a few years when they pass away or go to a nursing home--she'll have to try to evict the SOB and that could take YEARS.

If they don't like the "conditions"--then they don't have to accept it.

Plus, people put "conditions" on "gifts" ALL THE TIME. When they first get their teenagers a car--you have to keep up your grades, not text and drive or drive if you've been drinking, don't miss curfew, etc...--otherwise the car goes away.

You seem to be missing the point. Most likely they will agree to the conditions. Then the son will move back in. It's going to happen. So, if you want to set yourself up to miserable from the get go, then go ahead.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

And, it's a lot easier to control minors than other adults. You seem to think you can control other adults.

Lindley · Guru

I do not blame the letter writer. He/she is not putting the the home in the elderly couples name but wants to let them live there till they pass and use the house for a investment. That is a lot of money the LW is planning to spend and it would be a huge headache to deal with the mooch later.

weltschmerz · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!

Germany? You don't know that there's such a thing as squatters rights in the USA? Why drag Germany into this?

http://money.howstuffworks.com/squatting.htm

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

weltschmerz wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
Germany? You don't know that there's such a thing as squatters rights in the USA? Why drag Germany into this?
http://money.howstuffworks.com/squatting.htm

Where is that "eyeroll" emoticon. I was referring to refugees pooping in the streets of Germany. Keep up with the cool kids, would you?

weltschmerz · Guru

Why bring refugees into it? The OP has nothing to do with Syrian refugees in Germany.

And yes, it may be hard to get him out of the house if the parents die.

Ohfour · Hooker

Some people just have no sense of humor. And obviously cannot understand puns.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Some people just have no sense of humor. And obviously cannot understand puns.

....and some obviously cannot understand what a pun is.

It's a clever play on words.

There was no pun, here.

Ohfour · Hooker

Oh, but is WAS a play on words! We all got it...again, everyone but you....

weltschmerz · Guru

No, it wasn't a pun.
But if you say it was, then it must be.
Redefine the English language to make a point.

Ohfour · Hooker

If your brain cant understand the connection, then far be it for me to try to explain it to you. Youre the only one that doesnt get it. Think about that for a minute...

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Complete BS. This isn't a set of towels or some dinnerware. This is a HOUSE.

Whether you call it a gift or an investment--the "giver" can put any conditions on it that they want to. In this case, it would be VERY prudent to say the loser son can't stay there. Otherwise, in a few years when they pass away or go to a nursing home--she'll have to try to evict the SOB and that could take YEARS.

If they don't like the "conditions"--then they don't have to accept it.

Plus, people put "conditions" on "gifts" ALL THE TIME. When they first get their teenagers a car--you have to keep up your grades, not text and drive or drive if you've been drinking, don't miss curfew, etc...--otherwise the car goes away.
You seem to be missing the point. Most likely they will agree to the conditions. Then the son will move back in. It's going to happen. So, if you want to set yourself up to miserable from the get go, then go ahead.

No, you seem to be missing the point. She can put whatever conditions on it she wants. If they don't agree, that is their right and they don't have to accept it.

Get it in writing. If they then let him in, she then has every right to boot him out.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Sunday 14th of February 2016 04:17:56 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!

LOL!

I see what you did there!!

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
LOL!

I see what you did there!!

Well, thank goodness, because it went right over some people's heads...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Strictly speaking, though, if he buys HIMSELF a house, and allows his elderly aunts to stay in it rent free - they are his guests and no one else should be moving in without his permission.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
LOL!

I see what you did there!!
Well, thank goodness, because it went right over some people's heads...

Would those be the same people that can't understand something in context, but have to have the grammar and spelling perfect to figure it out?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
LOL!

I see what you did there!!
Well, thank goodness, because it went right over some people's heads...
Would those be the same people that can't understand something in context, but have to have the grammar and spelling perfect to figure it out?

That would be people that like to lecture me about the definition of pun, when the above comment is the PERFECT example of a pun...in addition to those you described...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Yes, perhaps if we post the definition of pun?

pun
pən/
noun
noun: pun; plural noun: puns

1.
a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings.
"the pigs were a squeal (if you'll forgive the pun)"
synonyms: play on words, wordplay, double entendre, innuendo, witticism, quip, bon mot

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Maybe she doesn't know what "squat" means?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Maybe she doesn't know what "squat" means?

That must be it. Either that or she doesn't know the definition of pun...

Either way....

chef · Guru

This letter strikes a nerve with me. FIL says he's planning on selling his house and says he's going to give DH and I enough for a down payment on a house of our own. Problem is, any money he gives us would have more strings than a tampon factory. We've already decided to decline should he ever offer.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Not to get in the middle of all this but I don't read every thread. I never read the pooping in the streets thread. Or the washed up foot thread. Or the Zika thread. I can probably name at least ten threads I HAVEN'T read. So, in all honesty, if you (general you) are pulling something from another thread as a joke it really honestly doesn't always make sense. And not because the person is stupid, ignorant, or just can't grasp the English language. It's kind of like coming in at the punch line of a joke and not really understanding what people are laughing at. And no, I personally, don't have time to go read every single thread.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
Germany? You don't know that there's such a thing as squatters rights in the USA? Why drag Germany into this?
http://money.howstuffworks.com/squatting.htm

Where is that "eyeroll" emoticon. I was referring to refugees pooping in the streets of Germany. Keep up with the cool kids, would you?

So many answers & all of them wrong.

And they weren't running around pooping in the streets.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
LOL!

I see what you did there!!
Well, thank goodness, because it went right over some people's heads...
Would those be the same people that can't understand something in context, but have to have the grammar and spelling perfect to figure it out?

No, but you (general you) might be called on sloppy mistakes.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

chef wrote:
This letter strikes a nerve with me. FIL says he's planning on selling his house and says he's going to give DH and I enough for a down payment on a house of our own. Problem is, any money he gives us would have more strings than a tampon factory. We've already decided to decline should he ever offer.

You know your FIL best and that is probably a very good agreement you and DH have. It will save you a lot of future headaches.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Not to get in the middle of all this but I don't read every thread. I never read the pooping in the streets thread. Or the washed up foot thread. Or the Zika thread. I can probably name at least ten threads I HAVEN'T read. So, in all honesty, if you (general you) are pulling something from another thread as a joke it really honestly doesn't always make sense. And not because the person is stupid, ignorant, or just can't grasp the English language. It's kind of like coming in at the punch line of a joke and not really understanding what people are laughing at. And no, I personally, don't have time to go read every single thread.

1. So what? She wasn't talking to you, so who cares if you don't get it. Not every post is for every person. And those that did get it found it funny.

2. Welts DID read and post on that thread.

3. Perhaps it wouldn't be an issue if people didn't jump all over other when they don't know what they are talking about.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
If he continues t olive there, he might have squatter's rights to stay there after his parents are gone.
He should be paying rent to his parents so they can afford to keep living there without the LW's help.

Come on, this isn't Germany!
LOL!

I see what you did there!!
Well, thank goodness, because it went right over some people's heads...
Would those be the same people that can't understand something in context, but have to have the grammar and spelling perfect to figure it out?
No, but you (general you) might be called on sloppy mistakes.
flan

You really have no idea how you sound, do you?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Not to get in the middle of all this but I don't read every thread. I never read the pooping in the streets thread. Or the washed up foot thread. Or the Zika thread. I can probably name at least ten threads I HAVEN'T read. So, in all honesty, if you (general you) are pulling something from another thread as a joke it really honestly doesn't always make sense. And not because the person is stupid, ignorant, or just can't grasp the English language. It's kind of like coming in at the punch line of a joke and not really understanding what people are laughing at. And no, I personally, don't have time to go read every single thread.
1. So what? She wasn't talking to you, so who cares if you don't get it. Not every post is for every person. And those that did get it found it funny.
2. Welts DID read and post on that thread. And the title alone was enough to give a clue.
3. Perhaps it wouldn't be an issue if people didn't jump all over other when they don't know what they are talking about.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Not to get in the middle of all this but I don't read every thread. I never read the pooping in the streets thread. Or the washed up foot thread. Or the Zika thread. I can probably name at least ten threads I HAVEN'T read. So, in all honesty, if you (general you) are pulling something from another thread as a joke it really honestly doesn't always make sense. And not because the person is stupid, ignorant, or just can't grasp the English language. It's kind of like coming in at the punch line of a joke and not really understanding what people are laughing at. And no, I personally, don't have time to go read every single thread.

If you haven't read all those threads, you are missing the party girl!! biggrin

chef · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
chef wrote:
This letter strikes a nerve with me. FIL says he's planning on selling his house and says he's going to give DH and I enough for a down payment on a house of our own. Problem is, any money he gives us would have more strings than a tampon factory. We've already decided to decline should he ever offer.
You know your FIL best and that is probably a very good agreement you and DH have. It will save you a lot of future headaches.

Thanks. It will save us future headaches. FIL would spend the rest of his life crowing about how he just haaaaad to help poor little Our Names buy a house. That statement would quickly be followed by him reminding us that if we could just be more like BIL and SIL that we would've been able to buy our own house and he wouldn't have had to come our rescue. Barf and no thanks.

We'll get a house when we're good and ready. We're content right where we are for the time being.