TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Huh?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Huh?

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Huh?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Does anyone understand her answer?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think Prudies been hitting the sauce.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Or maybe a stroke.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Probably smoking a doobie.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Does anyone understand her answer?

Did she even answer?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think she was being sarcastic.

huskerbb · Guru

I agree. I read that and it was wholly unhelpful--um, advice.

She's really bad with advice concerning children, in general, but this was completely worthless.

I think big bro can share. He doesn't have to let them use it when he is. It's his, so they shouldn't have to "take turns"--but when he's not using it, I think he should share.

If, however, they break it--then that's where their birthday money goes next time.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Maybe husker should become the next Dear Prudie.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, i have faced a similar issue. Before you allow kids to buy whatever they want, there are very real household implications. So, you have to think that through. So, if something comes into the house you have to be able to establish ground rules. So, she should have thought that through before bringing that in.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, i have faced a similar issue. Before you allow kids to buy whatever they want, there are very real household implications. So, you have to think that through. So, if something comes into the house you have to be able to establish ground rules. So, she should have thought that through before bringing that in.

It's not that complicated now--although Prudie didn't give her any help.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, i have faced a similar issue. Before you allow kids to buy whatever they want, there are very real household implications. So, you have to think that through. So, if something comes into the house you have to be able to establish ground rules. So, she should have thought that through before bringing that in.
It's not that complicated now--although Prudie didn't give her any help.

Exactly. They're still the parents. I guess they forgot that. Sit them all down and tell them, "Here are the new rules. If someone doesn't like them, you don't get to use it."

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, i think you have to be careful about punishing the thrifty child. So, ok, he scrimped and saved and now we feel sorry for your brother?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Rule #1 - Everything in the House belongs to Me and your dad.

Rule #2 - Refer to Rule #1. You may be allowed the privilege of spending your money on something you want. However, you do not have cart blanche to buy ANYTHING you want just because you earned your money. I have a say over that. And, I also may put conditions on it's use, whatever the thing is, before you buy it if you choose to buy it.

For gaming, both boys want to game, so i did buy a collective Xbox. However, my younger son wanted a Wii. I told him he could get it if he saved his money. Not only did he save to buy a Wii he also bought a small flat screen to play it on in his room. (they have no cable in their bedroom, no TV allowed there) and he choose to buy it. It's his. If his siblings want to play it, they have to ask him.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

lilyofcourse wrote:
I think she was being sarcastic.

Yeah, sorry but the letter started off saying how they want to teach the kids about value of money and not wasting on parties and goes on to say that a bike is a necessity and $200 is their budget for a party. LOL Dream world! Prudie must have been rolling her eyes.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I think she was being sarcastic.

Yeah, sorry but the letter started off saying how they want to teach the kids about value of money and not wasting on parties and goes on to say that a bike is a necessity and $200 is their budget for a party. LOL Dream world! Prudie must have been rolling her eyes.

I don't see why that is a "dream" world? Most kids have bikes, parties and gaming systems.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Rule #1 - Everything in the House belongs to Me and your dad.

Rule #2 - Refer to Rule #1. You may be allowed the privilege of spending your money on something you want. However, you do not have cart blanche to buy ANYTHING you want just because you earned your money. I have a say over that. And, I also may put conditions on it's use, whatever the thing is, before you buy it if you choose to buy it.

For gaming, both boys want to game, so i did buy a collective Xbox. However, my younger son wanted a Wii. I told him he could get it if he saved his money. Not only did he save to buy a Wii he also bought a small flat screen to play it on in his room. (they have no cable in their bedroom, no TV allowed there) and he choose to buy it. It's his. If his siblings want to play it, they have to ask him.

I was the kid that saved my money to buy my stereo, bike, nice clothes, etc. My parents were helpful in keeping my grubby lazy sis away from those items.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Rule #1 - Everything in the House belongs to Me and your dad.

Rule #2 - Refer to Rule #1. You may be allowed the privilege of spending your money on something you want. However, you do not have cart blanche to buy ANYTHING you want just because you earned your money. I have a say over that. And, I also may put conditions on it's use, whatever the thing is, before you buy it if you choose to buy it.

For gaming, both boys want to game, so i did buy a collective Xbox. However, my younger son wanted a Wii. I told him he could get it if he saved his money. Not only did he save to buy a Wii he also bought a small flat screen to play it on in his room. (they have no cable in their bedroom, no TV allowed there) and he choose to buy it. It's his. If his siblings want to play it, they have to ask him.
I was the kid that saved my money to buy my stereo, bike, nice clothes, etc. My parents were helpful in keeping my grubby lazy sis away from those items.

My younger son will probably be my older son's boss! LOL! biggrin

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I think she was being sarcastic.

Yeah, sorry but the letter started off saying how they want to teach the kids about value of money and not wasting on parties and goes on to say that a bike is a necessity and $200 is their budget for a party. LOL Dream world! Prudie must have been rolling her eyes.
I don't see why that is a "dream" world? Most kids have bikes, parties and gaming systems.

Dream as in teaching her kids about being thrifty but calling a bike a necessity and that having a $200 party is thrifty.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, I don't find that so unreasonable.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, I don't find that so unreasonable.

It isn't, but the letter just came off to me as if the mother thinks a bike and $200 parties are something everyone can do.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, I don't find that so unreasonable.
It isn't, but the letter just came off to me as if the mother thinks a bike and $200 parties are something everyone can do.

I don't see that at all. She was just talking about her life and family. I think Prudie got snarky and sarcastic for no reason.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, I don't find that so unreasonable.
It isn't, but the letter just came off to me as if the mother thinks a bike and $200 parties are something everyone can do.
I don't see that at all. She was just talking about her life and family. I think Prudie got snarky and sarcastic for no reason.

I guess I did too! smile

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's like if someone has something and they could be talking very innocently. But, then someone else has to make it "all about them". Oh, how could that person talk about their nice home when they KNOW i am living in a shack or whatever. When in reality, it had nothing to do with them.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's like if someone has something and they could be talking very innocently. But, then someone else has to make it "all about them". Oh, how could that person talk about their nice home when they KNOW i am living in a shack or whatever. When in reality, it had nothing to do with them.

LOL, nice analogy.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I have a problem with the mother characterizing her other children's spending as having "blown it" on outings. Some people would rather have experiences than things. One wonderful afternoon doing something fun with friends can mean more than all the "stuff" in the world. Why is one better or worse?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

That's a good point too. One isnt necessarily a better choice. But if you spend it on experience you dont get the stuff too.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

When DD graduated high school, we bought her a necklace from Tiffany's - a very nice vintage looking key on a chain. She loves it and wears it all the time. Still. It's one of her most treasured possessions.

Her sister told us she would rather not have a necklace when she graduated, but would like a plane ticket for spring break instead. Same price. The rest of her accommodations were taken care of - she is staying with friends and saved her own money for food. So we bought her a ticket to LA like she wanted. She is having tons of fun and making memories.

Neither one is better or worse than the other. Just different. The OP needs to learn that her children are not all alike and they aren't exactly like her. They want what they want. It is not our job to change them, just guide them to be the best they can be.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Are you sure this letter isn't a thinly disguised push for socialism?

The one who earned it has to share it.

The answer was stupid, IMHO.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

just Czech wrote:
Are you sure this letter isn't a thinly disguised push for socialism?

The one who earned it has to share it.

The answer was stupid, IMHO.

Although fits with the times, unfortunately.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I don't understand the letter? It says he saved up for it, so what does that have to do with the birthday money/party at all?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

He used his birthday party money for it. Apparently he forewent a birthday party so he could buy a gaming system.

NAOW · Vette's SS

OK. Well, no matter what, if he bought it, it's his. He shouldn't have to share. If he wants to let them use it when they ask, that's nice, but if he doesn't want to, then they can save their own birthday money and buy their own.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

To me, it matters where it's kept. It says a new tv and a new gaming system. So it sounds like it's probably in the boy's room for his use. In that case, I feel like it's his to do as he pleases with.

If he is storing it in the family room or the rec room or in a shared family space, then I think that he needs to let others use it. If it's in a place where others will be bothered by it, or inconvenienced - can't watch their shows because he is using the tv for gaming - then I think they get to use it when he isn't. If they break it they buy it.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

You know, one way to look at this is that she's making "things" seem intrinsically more valuable than they really are and creating the problems among her children in the first place. Yes, the kids should be able to spend their money on what they want but neither she nor her husband seemed like they were thrilled about the gaming set. Like LGS says, she shouldn't have let him buy it if she wasn't ready to deal with the fallout.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I do not allow the kids to divide everything into the household as MINE and Not Yours. That would create chaos. The kids understand that this is shared space. And, everything in this house belongs to ME and I have ultimate say over what goes down here. There are some things that if they saved up for, then yes, it is exclusively theirs. But, neither am i going to allow everyone to become territorial in my own home. There are things can and should be shared.
For instance, my son often saves money to buy Xbox games. ANd, those are like $60. Well, it is foolish to buy 2 versions of the same game. So, when my younger son wanted to buy games we had a discussion about whether his brother was going to use it. We agreed that if he bought a game, it was exclusively his for a week or two, which was usually the time he wanted to spend to "beat" the game or whatever they do, and then it became something his brother or the rest of us could play. Also, he had the option of going in halfs with his brother as well. So, any way, that turned out to be an acceptable solution. Older brother had to wait to play it, and he did younger brother was happy to play it out fo that time frame and that seems to have worked out well.

I also bought younger son a laptop one Christmas, the other kids got other expensive things. But, even though it is his laptop, i will use it for my use and also there are a times his sibs need it. Not that often because we have a home computer. So, that works out fine too.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Wow.

None of that has ever been an issue for us.

The have their stuff. They share because they want to, not because they have to.

Jesse is the gamer. He has several game systems he has saved up to buy, he has games he has saved up to buy. He has exclusive content he has saved up and bought.

His brother and sister ask if they want to play. But most of the time he invites them to play.

Caitlyn invites them into her room for movies.

Aaron invites them into his room for music.

They know they don't have a right to anyone else's stuff and they know they shouldn't expect an automatic yes.

I think it is fine for a kid to be able to say no to their siblings.

I think when they don't HAVE to share anything, they are more likely to share on their own.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Monday 29th of February 2016 07:41:15 AM

FNW · Guru

I think Prudie was trying to say stop being so stingy with birthday gifts and give them something they might actually enjoy, no matter how frivolous it might seem. I mean really, buying only necessities for their birthday? Necessities should be bought as needed. Birthdays are for fun things, IMO.

My boys are at the age where they are asking for fun things. I tell them I'll keep it in mind for birthday or Christmas. But they need shoes now. I'm not going to wait until their birthday and give it to them then so I can avoid buying a real gift.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yeah, I can't really believe someone would make their kids wait to get necessities. Now, if they have a birthday coming in two weeks that might be different. But heck, if they need clothes and shoes then they need them. Just stinkin buy them.

DemoniaD · Senior Member

I don't see where it says they have to wait to get these necessities just that those are mainly what the birthday gifts consist of. It doesn't mean they don't get stuff as needed too. Our kids usually get some form of clothing or shoes for birthdays/gift giving holidays, and always get a new book for each. They also get them as needed throughout the year, or in the case of books, just because.

I think this one is a no-brainer though. If one kid saved money for something big that he wanted and the others could have but didn't, he shouldn't be made to share for the sake of "peace".

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Rule #1 - Everything in the House belongs to Me and your dad.

Rule #2 - Refer to Rule #1. You may be allowed the privilege of spending your money on something you want. However, you do not have cart blanche to buy ANYTHING you want just because you earned your money. I have a say over that. And, I also may put conditions on it's use, whatever the thing is, before you buy it if you choose to buy it.

For gaming, both boys want to game, so i did buy a collective Xbox. However, my younger son wanted a Wii. I told him he could get it if he saved his money. Not only did he save to buy a Wii he also bought a small flat screen to play it on in his room. (they have no cable in their bedroom, no TV allowed there) and he choose to buy it. It's his. If his siblings want to play it, they have to ask him.
I was the kid that saved my money to buy my stereo, bike, nice clothes, etc. My parents were helpful in keeping my grubby lazy sis away from those items.

Lazy??? That's an absurd term in this scenario. NONE of these kids are out there "earning" this $200 they all get for their birthdays. It's ALL gifted to them. One who uses the same dang $200 that he was GIVEN to buy a gaming system is not somehow "harder working" than his "lazy" siblings who got GIVEN their $200, also.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Weird. Wouldn't it be his gift if it's the gift/party money? Maybe he's saved up additional on his own, as I don't think $200 would cover a system and a tv. But if it's his, then it's his. Other brothers can deal and learn about saving vs big parties.

I'm pretty sure that teaching life lessons like this is called parenting....

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I hate this new Prudie. She's petty and annoying, and rarely helpful.

But the kid used his money to buy it, it is his. This is a good opportunity for her to teach the other kids to respect people's property and what is not theirs is not theirs. She should, of course, encourage the kid to share, but the natural consequence of not sharing is not getting shared with somewhere down the line.

WYSIWYG · Guru

I think this one is a no-brainer though. If one kid saved money for something big that he wanted and the others could have but didn't, he shouldn't be made to share for the sake of "peace".
- DemoniaD

________________________________

I agree. If the other kids want "something big" maybe they should save their money.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
I hate this new Prudie. She's petty and annoying, and rarely helpful.

But the kid used his money to buy it, it is his. This is a good opportunity for her to teach the other kids to respect people's property and what is not theirs is not theirs. She should, of course, encourage the kid to share, but the natural consequence of not sharing is not getting shared with somewhere down the line.

I don't like her either. She is too young. She has no life experience to help inform her advice. And if it's a question about kids - she effs it up every darn time.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, she has no insight whatsoever to offer about anything.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

And she doesn't consult experts like the old Prudie. I would like it when Emily said things like "I consulted with an employment lawyer and she suggested you do X to protect yourself". This Prudie has missed the mark a few times and didn't do this. She is too arrogant to realize there are things she isn't an expert about.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

They should have gotten someone older who has actual life experiences. She might be able to comment on lesbian love affairs, but not much else.