Dear Prudence, My husband and I dated for five and a half years before getting married this past November. We decided to wait until marriage to have sex, which was mostly something that my husband insisted on. I’ve had sex in previous relationships and now I am realizing that sex with my husband is not at all enjoyable for me. I’ve tried discussing this with him but he gets offended and claims he “sees nothing wrong” with our sex life as it is. I have no idea what to do from here. I can’t go the rest of my life like this. What steps should I take next?
—Sexless
Get counseling—either together or separately if he’s unwilling to go. That said, I’m not optimistic. I don’t want to be one of those advice columnists who, from the relative comfort of her home, instructs everyone to leave their partners, but I think the end of this marriage is a matter of when, not if. He was happy not-sleeping with you for five years, and more damningly is happy having sex that’s unpleasant for you now, and doesn’t consider your sexual dissatisfaction as a sign that anything’s wrong. Perhaps if you let him know you can’t live the rest of your life like this and you’re considering ending your marriage, he’ll agree to work on your sex life together. Given his track record, I think it’s more likely that he’ll be happy to let you walk away.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
