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ed11563


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Dear Prudence,
I was ordained online and am officiating at the wedding of a daughter of a good friend this summer. While I know the daughter very well, I don’t know as much about her husband-to-be. In order to provide some anecdotes about him during the service, I Googled. I came across an article regarding his arrest for a truly concerning criminal accusation (it was definitely him, there was a picture). Because he is not on the sex offender registry, I do not believe he was convicted. I am no super-sleuth, and this information is readily available, so I assume my friend’s daughter knows about it, but I am not sure. Do I just keep my mouth shut? Do I mention it to my friend?

—Reluctant Minister

I think you should bring it up. You’re being asked not just to attend but perform the ceremony, and you shouldn’t go through with it if you’re not sure it’s the right thing to do. Bring it up in a non-accusatory way with the bride-to-be. Tell her you’ve learned that her fiancé was once arrested for a serious crime, and that you’re concerned for her well-being but wanted to go to her for the full story. If she’s aware of it, and they’ve discussed it, and he was wrongfully arrested or there were mitigating circumstances you’re not aware of, she’ll be able to put your mind at ease and you won’t have to perform the wedding with a black cloud over your head. Or you may decide you no longer feel comfortable marrying them. Either way, you can’t un-know what you know now, and it’s a serious enough prospect that you owe it both to yourself and your friend’s daughter to ask questions.

 



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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Good grief - what is with Prudie? You talk to the guy about it and find out what it was about first.

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LawyerLady

 

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Ohfour


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New Prudie is a cv....well nevermind...

No one should take that bitchves advice. She has issues...

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Lindley


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I agree with what LL said.

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just Czech


Give Me Grand's!

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She needs to be fired.

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lilyofcourse


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Don't use an online ordained whatever he is.

And I agree, this new prudie is ridiculous.

A magic 8 ball gives better advice.

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Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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I don't see what's wrong in talking to her. Not in an ominous you're marrying an axe murderer kind of way. Just present the facts and ask her if the three of them can meet about it. If you talk to him first and she doesn't know he might tell the guy he already told her and it was all okay.

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karl271


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Ordained online??? What the .... Do not use him and, yes, the advice from Prudie is bad...

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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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karl271 wrote:

Ordained online??? What the .... Do not use him and, yes, the advice from Prudie is bad...

 LOL!  Karl, you've been in Japan too long.  That's totally a thing - widely used.  People get ordained just to play minister at friend's weddings.



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LawyerLady

 

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Lawyerlady wrote:
karl271 wrote:

Ordained online??? What the .... Do not use him and, yes, the advice from Prudie is bad...

 LOL!  Karl, you've been in Japan too long.  That's totally a thing - widely used.  People get ordained just to play minister at friend's weddings.

 Been around for a long time.  You are granted permission to officiate at a particular union.  My brother married me and ex dh.



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FNW


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I'm surprised Prudie didn't tell her to marry a woman instead.

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THe problem I see is the minister to be doesn't know the potential groom, but knows the girl very well. If it was the other way around I would say sure, talk to the guy, but I see no problem with taking troubling information to the half of the couple you know best.

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karl271


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Always pleased to provide a blast from the past. LOL Guess I am really out of the loop... Every time I visit this board I am reminded of how much the US (at least) has changed...

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Frozen Sucks!

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karl271 wrote:

Always pleased to provide a blast from the past. LOL Guess I am really out of the loop... Every time I visit this board I am reminded of how much the US (at least) has changed...

 I love your input Karl.  I would love to know where in Japan you are.  I manage the finances on two sites there.  That's all I can say though.



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WYSIWYG


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Prudie's advice on this one is awful.

I agree with Lawyerlady. The best advice would have started out with talking to him about it. See if it was a real issue or a case of mistaken identity or whatever. Then you go from there.

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