Dear Prudence, I live in a different city from my long-term boyfriend, whom I love dearly. This weekend, I had far too much to drink and kissed another guy at a bar. It was a complete stranger—not someone I’m friends with, or attracted to, or anything of the sort. I have no idea what came over me, and I don’t even recognize that behavior. I did a lot of self-reflection, and I’ve decided that I need to get a hold of my drinking—I’m not a big drinker during the week, but occasionally on a weekend night I’ll binge drink. I even downloaded an app to help me track my drinks. My question is: Do I need to tell my boyfriend? It would crush him and it meant NOTHING—it was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m afraid I would be ruining a relationship over something completely insignificant. It was only a kiss. What do you think?
—Loose Lips
You don’t have to tell your boyfriend, but you should. The kiss may have been nothing to you, but it’s not for you to decide how significant your boyfriend will consider it. Maybe he’ll get angry, maybe he’ll understand, maybe he’ll want to end your relationship. I certainly can’t guarantee that if you tell him the truth, you’re going to get the response you want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. Your regret, and your explanation of the circumstances, will help him understand that you love and respect him and want to make things right. Wanting to change your drinking habits is a fine step, but your question is about something that already happened. I suspect you won’t tell him about the kiss—hardly cause for a permanent stain upon your soul—but this is a case where I think it’s better for you and your relationship to hash it out honestly than to withhold information.
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
That's about the most stupid answer I've ever seen. Is it me?
I dunno. I think I might be in the minority, but to me, they are not married or engaged, it was only a kiss and apparently a momentary lapse of judgement, and if she learned from her mistake and knows she won't do it again (which only she can judge) then I don't think she needs to tell him.
This is one of those times I was thinking about with the thread on when does a secret become a lie?
I think if this is something she feels she needs to come clean about, she should.
How would she feel if the tables were reversed?
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think if you dismiss it too often, it gets dull.
And that's how cheaters are made.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
This is one of those times I was thinking about with the thread on when does a secret become a lie?
I think if this is something she feels she needs to come clean about, she should.
How would she feel if the tables were reversed?
Quite honestly - if it was a one off and he felt horrible about it, I would really not want to know.
Same here. It is small enough that I would forgive it and stay with him, but I would torture myself wondering about it. It is kinder to keep it to yourself in this situation (As long as it was only a kiss and the person who did it WILL NOT do it again).
Prudie is a moron. Anyway she made a mistake. Don't do it again. She didn't sleep with him. And she isn't married or engaged. Put it behind you and move on.
Someone should bring up the latest gem where she thinks a couple should probably get divorced If the wife can't convince the husband to not vote for the Donald.
__________________
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
