Q. Wedding task woes: When my fiancé and I got engaged, it became apparent that he wanted a large wedding with all his friends and family, and I wanted to elope. I agreed to have the large wedding because it was so important to him (the words “devastating my family” were used quite a bit) on the condition that he would handle at least 90 percent of the tasks involved. I have a very demanding job working 60-hour weeks, and I just don’t have the time. It’s now three months to the wedding, and he has barely done anything. The invites are supposed to go out in a less than a week (it’s a destination wedding) and he hasn’t even started stuffing or addressing the envelopes, despite the fact that I’ve reminded him several times. Now I’m feeling resentful and stressed, because it looks like in the end I’m going to have to do everything. And before you say “TALK TO HIM”—I have, several times. This results in his Googling wedding bands for 10 minutes, and nothing more. What should I do now? I feel like issuing an awful ultimatum: “Finish the invites by the deadline given, or eloping is the only option.” But then what does it say about our relationship that he’s pushed me to that point?
A: In order: That ultimatum doesn’t seem awful to me at all, and it doesn’t say anything great. This is an interesting experiment—or at least it would be interesting if you weren’t running it on your own relationship. I don’t know if he’s just the type who procrastinates, if he’s a habitual over-promiser and under-deliverer, or if he’s testing to see if he can get you to do his work for him by creating a last-minute sense of chaos. Don’t let him create a sense of panic in you that causes you to clean up his mess. I like your ultimatum just fine. I hope he rises to the occasion. If he doesn’t, I wish you the best of luck figuring out whether you have the same expectations of who does what work in a relationship.
I wonder what else they cannot agree on. Or whether she pushed him into engagement.
Personally, when I got engaged, DH & I made 90% of the arrangements together as a couple. And he had a very, very busy schedule. But we were both very excited and wanted the same thing. ,
I'd probably get a shytty attitude with him & same something like do you want this wedding or not because it was your big idea. Start planning the damn thing so your family won't be freaking devastated.
If I ever remarry, highly unlikely but in the event, it will be just me and him and immediate family. Meaning my kids, his kids and our parents.
But I'm not sorry I did the whole wedding thing first time.
Planners are usually worth every penny.
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A destination wedding where no one else gets an invitation is called an elopement. Seems to me that she should do nothing and get exactly what she wanted to begin with.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
