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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Amy: Middle Aged Lonely
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Dear Amy: I’m a middle-aged woman with no life!

I was never a very social person growing up, and my ex-husband wasn’t the friendly type (we’ve been divorced for 10 years). The last several years I was the primary caregiver for family members, so I got into the habit of going straight to work and then rushing home to do the things that needed doing. Sadly the last of these family members passed away a year ago, but I’m still just going to work and coming straight home to a lonely, empty house.

I never had children and I was always too busy to get to know the extended family (aunts, cousins, etc.) They’ve made it clear that now that I’m alone they don’t want anything to do with me. During the holidays I wasn’t invited to any of the family get-togethers. And when I’ve issued invitations, they say we’ll get together but we never do. My siblings live in other states.

I know and want to join some classes like yoga and art courses, but I have the world’s worst work schedule; sometimes I work day shift, then mid-shift and even some nights.

I never know what my days off are going to be until I receive my schedule. The company I work for frowns on employees being friends outside of work. Living in a small city doesn’t offer a lot of opportunities to find activities I can join.

I haven’t been on a date in well over a year or had a meal with someone in a restaurant in years. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to live.

Amy, I’m so lonely and pray every day for love and laughter to come into my home. What can I do to have a life? I do take vacations (alone) go out to eat (alone) and keep myself busy with reading and home projects, but isn’t there more to life? Any realistic ideas or suggestions? — Lonely



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Lonely: I have three potential game-changing suggestions:

Move to an apartment or into densely clustered housing in town. Get a dog. Join a gym that’s open all-hours.

You seem to be a very nice and friendly person. If you do the three things I suggest, your daily activities (going to get your mail, walking your dog, going to a class at the gym) will take you into glancing proximity to other people. Dogs, especially, are wonderful friend-makers between humans.

Forgot to post the answer
www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2016/03/08/ask-amy-lonely-middle-aged-woman-wants-friends/80961282/


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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Really? That's her answer? 2 sentences? Get a dog and join a gym?

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I would start by reaching out to siblings. At least with a phone call and reconnect. Then maybe start calling once a month or something to restart the relationship.

Lots of people have erratic schedules, but there are still many things you can do. And, you can join things and maybe you can't go to every scheduled thing but you can for some of them. She can get involved in the local community. Help a the Food Bank. Join a church. Help with local events.

She said she was "too busy" in prior years for her own family. And, she needs to look at why she was too busy because everyone is too busy. There are ways to maintain contact even when you are crazy busy. But, i seriously doubt she is any busier than anyone else, especially having no spouse, kids, etc.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I have belonged to gyms and owned a dog. Can't say that i have ever made new friendships from that. Honestly, i don't think you make new friendships if you are only doing things for that reason. I think you need to find things that you care about and are interested and passionate about. Then, by living your life doing those things, you meet kindred spirits.

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Lawyerlady


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She says she prays every day. She should join and get active in a church - she will meet people there.

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Momala


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Start doing research now, and find a square dance club that is offering lessons - they usually start when school starts in the fall. Once she's finished the weekly classes, she'll be able to visit other clubs and make additional friends. Plus, you touch other people while dancing - which is crucial to someone living alone.

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