Dear Amy: Shortly after meeting my boyfriend five years ago, I moved into his apartment and we are very happy together.
He is a hard-working and caring person — the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Getting married has always been very important to me, and I always hoped that moving in together was a step in that direction. However, five years later, he has yet to propose and, though I often bring up the prospect of marrying someday, he never has much to say.
We split all the bills, chores and adopted a cat two years ago — it’s almost as if we are already married! Why the wait, when he knows how I long for it?
As time goes on, I’ve become more distressed about this, and even resentful as I watch my younger girlfriends become engaged after only one or two years of dating. I turned 30 this year and always imagined myself married with kids by now. I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend, but I can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t proposed. How can I gently nudge him to propose? — Wannabe Fiancée
DETROIT FREE PRESS
I caught my husband cheating
Dear Wannabe: I’d say that after five years of wanting marriage, the time for gentle nudges has passed. You bring up the topic of marriage often. Surely he has become skilled at the artful dodge.
It might be time for an ultimatum. In your case, the ultimatum goes like this: We either get married or we break up.
It is counterintuitive to present someone with two such distinctly opposite choices, but you may have reached the illogical, all-or-nothing stage.
You need to realize that if your guy really wanted to marry you, he would have done so by now. You surrendered your power years ago by compromising your own genuine desire for marriage in order to move in with him.
If your ultimatum eventually yields a proposal, you should think long and hard about the reality of marrying someone who had to be pressured into it. (I personally faced a very similar engagement dynamic many years ago, and ultimately it did not go well.)
I’d love to hear from readers — especially men — about their own pressured proposals in order to gain more insight into this tricky
And, as time goes on, the fire fades a bit. Men are most likely to propose while the fire is burning hot. After 5 yrs, there is no sense of urgency, especially now that they are living together.
And, you are right Husker, cohabitating benefits men far more than it does men. Get all the advantages without the responsibility. Women get all the work without the committment.
There is no way i would move in. We either love each other so much that we want to get married and build a life together and live together , or not. If not, then no i am not moving in to wash your socks and underwear.
