Dear Prudence, I came home at lunch one day last week to surprise my boyfriend, and was shocked to hear him in bed talking to a girl. It turns out it was just the personal assistant on his phone, but some of the stuff they were talking about was just disgusting! I have always given him his space with stuff like this, but now I wonder if I need to draw some lines. With porn, at least I know he only does it in the home. But I could see him doing this at work and I worry he could get in real trouble! I guess I should be glad he hasn’t called me “Siri,” but I wonder if this might be the start of some big problems! Should I put my foot down on this one?
—Phone Assistance
I thought at first your boyfriend was perhaps re-enacting a scene from the movie Her, where Joaquin Phoenix makes it with the computerized voice of Scarlett Johansson. But then I understood: Your boyfriend was not actually talking to his phone’s virtual assistant. There are exactly zero smartphone manufacturers that include a “dirty talk” function. He was having phone sex with a human woman. Sorry!
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
