TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Friends Dumped Us Because We Don't Want to be Named Legal Guardians

ed11563 · Guru

She didn't say they couldn't handle the kids, she said they couldn't afford to support 3 more kids.

"can't afford" is easily dealt with by "life insurance" on the parents.

If the parents each had $500,000 coverage, payable to the kids in the form of a trust to be managed by the guardians,

that issue goes away.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

They asked, the answer was no.

No is still a proper response to a question.

huskerbb · Guru

No is a proper response--but I don't blame their friends for then feelings jilted, either. You can say no--but sometimes there's a cost.

Look, this issue is WAAAAAYYYYY overblown. The chances that something catastrophic happens to BOTH parents is infinitesimally small.

The financial angle--unless the parents doing the asking are losers who don't have life insurance--is also blown way out of proportion.

Again, you can say no--but how can anyone possibly think that won't affect a friendship?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh it will affect the relationship.

Didn't say it wouldnt.

chef · Guru

Our friend G won't take DS if something happens to DH and I. Hasn't affected our friendship one bit. G loves the stuffing out of DS and dotes on him but he does not want kids. And that's fine.

LW's friend needs to decide what's more important. LW's honesty or her wanting LW to do what she wants. LW is fine as far as I'm concerned.

Whenitrains · Member

I remember another one of those letters (don't remember what column it was in though), couple A asked couple B to be guardians of their children if anything happened to them. Since Couple B had children of their own, they asked if there was any life insurance in place so the money would help raise the children and pay for their college. Couple A said Couple B was only interested in money and they were soo offended they cut couple B out of their lives.

There's no need to get mad about someone saying no.

huskerbb · Guru

chef wrote:
Our friend G won't take DS if something happens to DH and I. Hasn't affected our friendship one bit. G loves the stuffing out of DS and dotes on him but he does not want kids. And that's fine.

LW's friend needs to decide what's more important. LW's honesty or her wanting LW to do what she wants. LW is fine as far as I'm concerned.

But your concern doesn't go very far. You aren't the one asking them for this.

This is NOT the same situation as you describe. You are talking about someone who "doesn't want kids"--these folks already have some, so that's not the issue. If the issue is truly "finances" as it says in the letter, then provisions can be made for that.

weltschmerz · Guru

Some people just don't want seven kids and that's their right, regardless of finances.

huskerbb · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
Some people just don't want seven kids and that's their right, regardless of finances.

And they won't get seven. Their own parents will raise them. Much ado about nothing.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And if something did happen, they would be.

It doesn't matter about likelihood.

If you don't want it, you say you will.

huskerbb · Guru

And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
chef wrote:
Our friend G won't take DS if something happens to DH and I. Hasn't affected our friendship one bit. G loves the stuffing out of DS and dotes on him but he does not want kids. And that's fine.

LW's friend needs to decide what's more important. LW's honesty or her wanting LW to do what she wants. LW is fine as far as I'm concerned.
But your concern doesn't go very far. You aren't the one asking them for this.

This is NOT the same situation as you describe. You are talking about someone who "doesn't want kids"--these folks already have some, so that's not the issue. If the issue is truly "finances" as it says in the letter, then provisions can be made for that.

But finances are not the ONLY "credit" that the OP has to take into account. There are logistical, time and emotional credits that she and her husband have to take into account. Many that have to be dealt with immediately. And many that negatively affect ALL of the children.

7 children is different than 3 or 4.

- a new house that can comfortably home (with at least 3 bathrooms) with the sundries that are needed to support a househ old of 9 will need to be purchased/rented.

- a new van that can comfortably seat 9 people.

- at least one set of of the kids, if not both sets will have to move schools, doctors, dentists, extra circulars.

- ensuring all of the kids get to participate in the necessary extras that they had before and with 7 kids that is a scheduling nightmare.

- ensuring that the kids - ALL OF THE KIDS - get the emotional and physical support they need, which is a scheduling and draining nightmare.

- Just working out the day to day, morning noon and night tasks will be more complicated in the beginning and NO ONE can say how fast they will work themswlves out.

and all of these changes will not just be happening to the three orphans. The OPs four children will be negatively affected and depending on their needs, it may not be righteous to say "suck it up becuase these other kids lost their parents."

my job as the parent who CHOSE to bring my children into this wored is to give them the best I can with my current financial, emotional, and logistical a ilities. Even with millions of dollars (which is what would be needed to support these three new kids from the time the OP got them to graduation of college (if OP was working hard to save to put her current 4 through university), the amount of TIME I would loose to parenting the three extra p, who most definitely would need extra care and support, would most definitely come at the expense of the time credits I had for my own. TIME is finite and we can only afford 18 hours a day.

I would not be upset if a friend told me she couldnt take my daughter because she could not afford it, no matter what my finances were. Becuase Im not short sigated,

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.

Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

huskerbb · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.

You know the personally, do you?

huskerbb · Guru

No, I said I'm "betting". But I'm pretty sure if they asked, they would be willing to return the favor. If not, then they would have no room to be hurt--but again, I'm going to bet that wouldn't be the case.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh bull crap.

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.

So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.

one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?

Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.
So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.
one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?
Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.

You nailed it!

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

weltschmerz wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.
So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.
one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?
Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.
You nailed it!

confuse confuse confuse

Where was taking a child on a boat, with no life jacket mentioned?

I must have missed something.

huskerbb · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.
So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.
one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?
Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.

Your comparisons are nonsense and have nothing to do with anything.

I've repeatedly said they can say no--and they did so--and this is the result. You can't "force" the other couple to remain friends. That's absurd.

The other couple is not writing in, so what are you going to tell ThIS couple? That they should march right over there and demand that the friendship continue as it was? How is that going to work

You get more absurd with every post.

FNW · Guru

Well, if our very dear friends asked us to be back-up parents to their children, we would do it. We would also ask that they make provisions for financial support of their children, i.e., establish a trust or at the very least, have a good-sized life insurance policy.

My brother and I live on separate coasts, but we have agreed to take each other's child(ren) in the event it becomes necessary. It would be difficult for one set of child(ren) to have to relocate, but it would be better for the children than leaving them with more locally planted friends or relatives. My boys love their uncle (and vice versa), and my brother knows I adore his daughter. We both have enough assets to assist with the financial portion, too. Still, I think if either of us declined such a request, which is our right to do, there WOULD be hard feelings.

huskerbb · Guru

FNW wrote:
Well, if our very dear friends asked us to be back-up parents to their children, we would do it. We would also ask that they make provisions for financial support of their children, i.e., establish a trust or at the very least, have a good-sized life insurance policy.

My brother and I live on separate coasts, but we have agreed to take each other's child(ren) in the event it becomes necessary. It would be difficult for one set of child(ren) to have to relocate, but it would be better for the children than leaving them with more locally planted friends or relatives. My boys love their uncle (and vice versa), and my brother knows I adore his daughter. We both have enough assets to assist with the financial portion, too. Still, I think if either of us declined such a request, which is our right to do, there WOULD be hard feelings.

I agree. I would do it in a heartbeat for my friends, should they ask.

It's not going to happen, anyway--but when things are not going well, when disaster strikes, that is when you find out who your true friends really are.

I have a lot of them, and I try my best to return the favor.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I see this "if it happened, I'd do it" and I have to wonder how they know that.

"Oh yeah, I'd do it, it's not going to happen, but I'd totally, hypothetically take someone else's kids."

It's really ridiculous.

An empty ego boost.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I don't think I could say no. I love my friend's kids and if their parents don't have anyone else close to them to take them it would break my heart wondering what would happen to them (the kids) if the parents died.

But I also would ask that they make sure they have a trust or life insurance set up to help pay for things they need (braces, cars, college) because realistically, we might not be able to afford those things with the additional children.

FNW · Guru

Maybe it's not an issue for us because we would have liked to have had more.

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.
So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.
one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?
Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.
Your comparisons are nonsense and have nothing to do with anything.
I've repeatedly said they can say no--and they did so--and this is the result. You can't "force" the other couple to remain friends. That's absurd.
The other couple is not writing in, so what are you going to tell ThIS couple? That they should march right over there and demand that the friendship continue as it was? How is that going to work

You get more absurd with every post.

Becuase I pointed out your own inconsistant viewpoints? Deflection much?

huskerbb · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
And then they need to quit whining about their friends dumping them. That is a consequence.
Your right They shouldnt worry about the friends who are so self-centered to NOT recognize thr magnitude a request, ie burden like that could be on this family.

Of course it's a burden. True friends are willing to carry the burdens of their friends, sometimes. I'm betting if the situation were reversed, the other couple would say yes in a heartbeat.
So it's the right thing to take on someone else's children, even at the expense of your own, but too much To ask if your DIL's request to wear life jackets if your taking her child on a boat.
one should accept the consequences of loosing a friendship by turning down a HUGE financial, emotional and life altering request, but there should be NO consequences for hurting your niece/grandchild's feeling in a very callous manner and/or not following th very basic forms or etiquette?
Yeah, do you make up these conflicting views as you go or are you seriously just a troll? Becuase God only knows how your family and friend navigate life with you and your every changing rules and expectations.
Your comparisons are nonsense and have nothing to do with anything.
I've repeatedly said they can say no--and they did so--and this is the result. You can't "force" the other couple to remain friends. That's absurd.
The other couple is not writing in, so what are you going to tell ThIS couple? That they should march right over there and demand that the friendship continue as it was? How is that going to work

You get more absurd with every post.
Becuase I pointed out your own inconsistant viewpoints? Deflection much?

No. My views are wholly consistent. Your comparisons are not.

Again, your posts get more absurd every time out.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I see this "if it happened, I'd do it" and I have to wonder how they know that.

"Oh yeah, I'd do it, it's not going to happen, but I'd totally, hypothetically take someone else's kids."

It's really ridiculous.

An empty ego boost.

BS. They could have said yes--as could anyone else. If you say yes, it's not hypothetical--you are willing to do it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

As you like to say, irrelevant. Not the point. What are you babbling about????

sweet tooth · Member

It's a huge thing to ask of someone. It changes the lives of everyone in the family, not even counting the financial aspect. I can't imagine getting mad at a friend for not wanting to do it. Now if they wouldn't even take the kids in temporarily while looking for a permanent home for them, then of course I'd have a problem with that. But expecting them to be permanent guardians for them is too much to ask, unless they indicated in some way that they would want to.

sweet tooth · Member

Obviously the permanent home has to be a good one, and I would hope and kind of expect that my friend would keep an eye on things and stay in communication with the kids.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

sweet tooth wrote:
It's a huge thing to ask of someone. It changes the lives of everyone in the family, not even counting the financial aspect. I can't imagine getting mad at a friend for not wanting to do it. Now if they wouldn't even take the kids in temporarily while looking for a permanent home for them, then of course I'd have a problem with that. But expecting them to be permanent guardians for them is too much to ask, unless they indicated in some way that they would want to.

This.

huskerbb · Guru

sweet tooth wrote:
It's a huge thing to ask of someone. It changes the lives of everyone in the family, not even counting the financial aspect. I can't imagine getting mad at a friend for not wanting to do it. Now if they wouldn't even take the kids in temporarily while looking for a permanent home for them, then of course I'd have a problem with that. But expecting them to be permanent guardians for them is too much to ask, unless they indicated in some way that they would want to.

What good are friends if you can never ask anything "huge" from them?

It is NOT "too much to ask". It is why you have good friends. If they can't do it--then they don't fall in that category.

Apparently not many on here have that type of friends--or would be that type of friend.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Sunday 13th of March 2016 08:39:13 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Assuming these people work - there really wouldn't be much financial hardship. SS survivor benefits would end up paying them thousands a month for the 3 kids with both parents gone.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, i think it is quite a bit different to ask friends versus asking family. My mom certainly would have to the the extent she was able. We actually named DH's brother and his wife as legal guardians and they were good with that. My sister would have stepped up too but she wasn't in a very good financial position when we picked the legal guardians. I mean it is a rare situation that both parents die at the same time. Of course it does happen so best to be prepared. But traditionally, you would expect family to step into that gap, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. However, nowadays seems that a lot of people won't even stand in for the sake of children anymore.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think anyone you ask, no matter if they are related or not, should have the ability to say no WITHOUT being made the bad guy.

Having children is a HUGE responsibility. And taking on someone else's kids, not to mention kids that will come with issues of dealing with death, is even bigger.

The question to take on a child should NEVER be made lightly.

And the one asking should not get mad because the answer is no.

They should be glad to know the person is honest and their child won't end up being resented or something.

It shouldn't damage a good friendship or relationship.

If it does, then that wasn't a good relationship to begin with in my book.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If someone can't truly embrace and love my children, then i wouldn't want them caring for them. The most horrific thing in my opinion would be to leave this world and not leave my children with someone who would lovingly hug them. I just can't imagine that. Please LOVE my children, that is what i would want. I don't care about the material. Just love my children. Hug them, tell them they are special and are loved. And, yes, there are people who would care for kids but be resentful. If you can't fully embrace it, then dont' say yes.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If someone can't truly embrace and love my children, then i wouldn't want them caring for them. The most horrific thing in my opinion would be to leave this world and not leave my children with someone who would lovingly hug them. I just can't imagine that. Please LOVE my children, that is what i would want. I don't care about the material. Just love my children. Hug them, tell them they are special and are loved. And, yes, there are people who would care for kids but be resentful. If you can't fully embrace it, then dont' say yes.

I said the same thing when it was a family member that didn't want to raise the kids and people went nuts.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know. But, i think the point was that you should put aside your resentments and embrace your duty and obligation. I know a lot of grandparents raising grandkids. And, the one grandma said she was very resentful at first because this wasn't what she had planned. Then, she realized that the ones truly paying the price were her grandchildren and from that point on, she gave herself fully over to what God had put in front of her and she was there at their games cheering them on and being the loving force in their life. The point is that people need to lay down their selfishness for the betterment of the next generation.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But who is talking about resentment?

It isn't always about loving the child.

It is more often about not having the ability to take on the responsibility.

Yes. We all know, if asked, it would be the right thing to do. That we should do it. It's a child for Heavens sake.

But the reality is, taking a child into your home on a permanent, forever basis is a life altering commitment.

And it isn't just that child.

There are other family members to consider.

Not just the ones living there, grandparents and aunt's and uncle's and cousins. Friends.

It isn't something everyone can take on no matter how much they love the child. And no matter the shoulds of it.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
But who is talking about resentment?

It isn't always about loving the child.

It is more often about not having the ability to take on the responsibility.

Yes. We all know, if asked, it would be the right thing to do. That we should do it. It's a child for Heavens sake.

But the reality is, taking a child into your home on a permanent, forever basis is a life altering commitment.

And it isn't just that child.

There are other family members to consider.

Not just the ones living there, grandparents and aunt's and uncle's and cousins. Friends.

It isn't something everyone can take on no matter how much they love the child. And no matter the shoulds of it.

They have the ability. No ine is talking about a disabled aunt, or elderly grandparents in this case.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, i think it is quite a bit different to ask friends versus asking family. My mom certainly would have to the the extent she was able. We actually named DH's brother and his wife as legal guardians and they were good with that. My sister would have stepped up too but she wasn't in a very good financial position when we picked the legal guardians. I mean it is a rare situation that both parents die at the same time. Of course it does happen so best to be prepared. But traditionally, you would expect family to step into that gap, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. However, nowadays seems that a lot of people won't even stand in for the sake of children anymore.

That all depends on the friends. I have at least a half dozen, probably more, who I could have turned to and they would have taken in my kids if it had been necessary.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 14th of March 2016 12:21:10 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

I wouldn't take on a child at this stage of my life. It wouldn't be fair to anyone...

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
I wouldn't take on a child at this stage of my life. It wouldn't be fair to anyone...

I would if it were for a sibling or a close friend or a child. Not because that is what I want to be doing for the next 10 or 15 years, but because I love their children and I am loyal.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
I wouldn't take on a child at this stage of my life. It wouldn't be fair to anyone...

I don't believe you. If something happened to your daughter and SIL, I think you'd take Sweetness and brother in a heartbeat.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
I wouldn't take on a child at this stage of my life. It wouldn't be fair to anyone...
I don't believe you. If something happened to your daughter and SIL, I think you'd take Sweetness and brother in a heartbeat.

I was speaking of friends, not family. Although, we wouldn't get them anyway. It's already been decided where they would go should something happen to them. They would go to their best friends.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But who is talking about resentment?

It isn't always about loving the child.

It is more often about not having the ability to take on the responsibility.

Yes. We all know, if asked, it would be the right thing to do. That we should do it. It's a child for Heavens sake.

But the reality is, taking a child into your home on a permanent, forever basis is a life altering commitment.

And it isn't just that child.

There are other family members to consider.

Not just the ones living there, grandparents and aunt's and uncle's and cousins. Friends.

It isn't something everyone can take on no matter how much they love the child. And no matter the shoulds of it.
They have the ability. No ine is talking about a disabled aunt, or elderly grandparents in this case.

You think ability only means a physical disability?

No. There are emotional needs, space to think about, legistics of day to day life.

Not just that of the one or three children you are taking in, but that of your own. The family of the children you are taking in.

What about visitation with grandparents and other family of the child you take in? You are forever then tied to them. What about holidays, vacation, family functions?

You want to take the family and go out of town, but this child's blood family has a thing of some kind that same week.

What about the emotional toll this would take on the whole family?

There is more to taking in another kid than just providing a bed and basic needs.

And where would you put them?

Not everyone has the space for more people and their things.

Keep telling yourself it's as simple as taking in a puppy, but it isnt.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But who is talking about resentment?

It isn't always about loving the child.

It is more often about not having the ability to take on the responsibility.

Yes. We all know, if asked, it would be the right thing to do. That we should do it. It's a child for Heavens sake.

But the reality is, taking a child into your home on a permanent, forever basis is a life altering commitment.

And it isn't just that child.

There are other family members to consider.

Not just the ones living there, grandparents and aunt's and uncle's and cousins. Friends.

It isn't something everyone can take on no matter how much they love the child. And no matter the shoulds of it.
They have the ability. No ine is talking about a disabled aunt, or elderly grandparents in this case.

You think ability only means a physical disability?
No. There are emotional needs, space to think about, legistics of day to day life.
Not just that of the one or three children you are taking in, but that of your own. The family of the children you are taking in.

What about visitation with grandparents and other family of the child you take in? You are forever then tied to them. What about holidays, vacation, family functions?
You want to take the family and go out of town, but this child's blood family has a thing of some kind that same week.
What about the emotional toll this would take on the whole family?
There is more to taking in another kid than just providing a bed and basic needs.
And where would you put them?
Not everyone has the space for more people and their things.
Keep telling yourself it's as simple as taking in a puppy, but it isnt.

Oh space. Absurd. I grew up with 5 of us siblings in a 3 bedroom house. I had friends that grew up with even less. You don't need a 4,000 square foot house to raise kids.