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huskerbb


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Buying drinks
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Dear Prudence,
I am a happily married mother of two young children. After a particularly rough week, my husband encouraged me to go out and have fun with my sister, who recently broke off her engagement. We went out to eat and then to a bar. A group of couples came in, and one of the guys bought drinks for my sister and me so that we could all toast to “new friends.” They left, and another group of people came in. Another guy bought me a drink, even after I told him I was married, then later my sister and I went home. Here’s my problem: My husband doesn’t mind that I got a free drink from the first guy, because he had also been married, but he does mind that the second man bought me a drink, because he wasn’t married and knew that I was. This makes me wonder: Is it wrong to accept free drinks when in a relationship or is it only OK if the buyer is in a relationship too?

—Drinks for Free

Another stance I am willing to take publicly: It is completely appropriate to accept a drink from anyone who offers it, as long as the drink-recipient feels comfortable with the drink-buyer. Married or unmarried, getting someone a round is a gesture of goodwill that does not always (as your own experience bears out) imply incipient sex; you neither lied about your marital status nor suggested you were interested in having a fling in order to get a drink out of these men. What is freely offered is freely given. Your husband owes you a beer.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, it's over so who cares? Why make an issue out of it? No harm no foul. Move on. So, yeah, it bothers him so now she knows.

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ladyloonatic


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I don't think there's anything wrong with a a single person buying a married person a drink. I'm wondering if the second just bought her a drink or if he bought a round for her and her sister. It's a little weird if he singled her out for a drink, but still not inappropriate.

I guess if her husband doesn't like it, she should try to accomodate his feelings, but I think it's ok.

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Ohfour


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We have discussed this. And we have come to the conclusion that one should never turn down a free drink. ;)

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ladyloonatic


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That fits in with my way of thinking, ohfour!

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Southern_Belle


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Ohfour wrote:

We have discussed this. And we have come to the conclusion that one should never turn down a free drink. ;)

 AMEN!



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Nobody Just Nobody


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She made it known she was married and presumably not going to have sex with him so what's the big deal?

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Tinydancer


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I didn't know that just accepting a drink from someone meant that you automatically agreed to sleep with them whether married or not. If the husband was so worried he should have accompanied his wife. Sheeeesh.

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Southern_Belle


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It would take more than a $10 drink to get me into bed!

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FNW


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Personally, I would feel uncomfortable with a stranger buying me a drink, for fear he was expecting something or trying to hit on me. But it would also depend on the vibe I got from him and the situation.

Now that being said, when I flew home a few years ago the man I sat next to bought me a drink. I declined then he showed me some free drink passes he said he got from his daughter that were about to expire. So I accepted and we continued to chat all the way across the country. He was a pleasant man and we talked about our kids, spouses, purpose of our trip, where we were from, etc. My father was in the next aisle cracking up. He said he wanted to buy me a drink but saw I already had it covered. DH just laughed when I told him.

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Tangerine


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This husband sounds very controlling to me. Why did the wife have to share so many details of her night out with him?
When I go out with my girlfriends Husband usually asks if I had fun. If anything funny or unusual happened I will share that with him. He doesn't ask about the details though. I know he wouldn't care if some guy bought me a drink.

Once I was out with friends celebrating someone's birthday. When I went to the bar to get the next round a guy at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. I said no thanks, I'm here to visit with my friends. He took offense and harassed one of my friends about my "being rude". He didn't let up until my friend told him that I was married and to back off. That dude was expecting something.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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Tangerine wrote:

This husband sounds very controlling to me. Why did the wife have to share so many details of her night out with him?
When I go out with my girlfriends Husband usually asks if I had fun. If anything funny or unusual happened I will share that with him. He doesn't ask about the details though. I know he wouldn't care if some guy bought me a drink.

Once I was out with friends celebrating someone's birthday. When I went to the bar to get the next round a guy at the bar wanted to buy me a drink. I said no thanks, I'm here to visit with my friends. He took offense and harassed one of my friends about my "being rude". He didn't let up until my friend told him that I was married and to back off. That dude was expecting something.

 Hate to say it but if you are a woman alone at a bar or with a group of women a lot of men will hit on you.  Even if you have a ring on.  For some reason they think that if your husband is not present with you it's fair game.  Buying a woman a drink doesn't ALWAYS mean a guy wants something but most of the time it does.



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huskerbb


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FNW wrote:

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable with a stranger buying me a drink, for fear he was expecting something or trying to hit on me. But it would also depend on the vibe I got from him and the situation.

Now that being said, when I flew home a few years ago the man I sat next to bought me a drink. I declined then he showed me some free drink passes he said he got from his daughter that were about to expire. So I accepted and we continued to chat all the way across the country. He was a pleasant man and we talked about our kids, spouses, purpose of our trip, where we were from, etc. My father was in the next aisle cracking up. He said he wanted to buy me a drink but saw I already had it covered. DH just laughed when I told him.

 They might be trying to hit on you.  So what?  As long as you are honest and not being deceptive, it's up to them.  



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