DEAR ABBY: My 29-year-old brother died suddenly last month. It was completely unexpected. He left behind a wife and 1-year-old son.
Although they lived across the country, she allowed us to bring him home for his funeral and burial. I took care of a lot of the arrangements on this end, while she took care of things there and made travel arrangements.
At 26, I never expected to be planning a funeral! But it has made me realize how unprepared I was for any unforeseen event.
Please remind your young readers that it’s never too early to take care of some basic plans, including a will. As a single mother, I know how unprepared I was if something should happen to me.
While it’s not a pleasant thought, it’s tougher on the survivors if nothing is in place. When it comes to mortality, it’s better to be practical and prepared. — STILL GRIEVING, BUT NOW PREPARED
DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely loss of your brother. I can only imagine how shocking this has been for your family.
Mortality isn’t a subject that younger people usually dwell on. But if they want what they have to be distributed according to their wishes, or if there are children involved, it’s important to put their wishes in writing regardless of their age.
Readers: This includes what you would or would not like done if you can’t speak for yourself. Do you want to be on artificial life support if there is no hope for your recovery? How do you feel about becoming an organ donor? Put it in writing!
I read recently about a young woman whose family learned only after her tragic death that she wanted to be an organ donor. Fortunately, they found out BEFORE the funeral.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A will is a good idea. But, if you really don't have any assets to speak of, and your spouse is the beneficiary, then everything goes to the spouse so it really isn't all that critical unless you have assets. But, yes, as you start to build assets in life and want to name guardians for your children and so forth, then of course.
I am getting ready to do mine. I have some investment accounts and am getting married in a few months. Figure it's time. DF is changing his as well. Adulting all over the place!
Having an estate plan is critical. Sure, it's way more important for someone who is in their 40's or 50's with some assets, but it's a good idea for most every adult.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
We had our wills made when I was pregnant. It seemed like the time to make arrangements.
No one likes to think about it, but anyone could die at any time.
The process and ordeal my mom went through being executor for her father's estate was horrible and he had a will and there was nothing fighting among her siblings. She still deals with paperwork sometimes and it's been nearly five years since he died.
I don't even want to know how much harder the process is when there isn't a will.
Right? Even with a will there was fighting because my parents didn't make arrangements for so many other things. And in cases where you think you have no assets. I still see people fighting over the most ridiculous things. Better to bequeath that dental floss to Suzie Q
But, a will doesn't stop the fighting. It really doesn't. And, even if you spell it all out, then sibs who are gonna fight are still gonna fight. Why did mom leave YOU the dental floss when i was the one who took her to the doctor on Monday July 12, 1995? The worst in people come out when someone dies. That seems to be when a lot of families split apart. It is sad and pathetic. A will might attenuate that a bit, but it doesn't stop the greedy or entitled or resentful.
But, a will doesn't stop the fighting. It really doesn't. And, even if you spell it all out, then sibs who are gonna fight are still gonna fight. Why did mom leave YOU the dental floss when i was the one who took her to the doctor on Monday July 12, 1995? The worst in people come out when someone dies. That seems to be when a lot of families split apart. It is sad and pathetic. A will might attenuate that a bit, but it doesn't stop the greedy or entitled or resentful.
A will gives someone the authority to make the decisions, sign papers, do what needs to be done legally. Naming your executor is the most important part of a will.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Named a guardian, named an executor, defined my wishes and that sort of thing.
I was 28.
I need to revisit it actually.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
But, a will doesn't stop the fighting. It really doesn't. And, even if you spell it all out, then sibs who are gonna fight are still gonna fight. Why did mom leave YOU the dental floss when i was the one who took her to the doctor on Monday July 12, 1995? The worst in people come out when someone dies. That seems to be when a lot of families split apart. It is sad and pathetic. A will might attenuate that a bit, but it doesn't stop the greedy or entitled or resentful.
A will gives someone the authority to make the decisions, sign papers, do what needs to be done legally. Naming your executor is the most important part of a will.
It doesn't because sometimes people are just azzholes
I have experienced that. The azzholes can make things take a lot longer even with it all written out.
Azzholes suck.
But, a will doesn't stop the fighting. It really doesn't. And, even if you spell it all out, then sibs who are gonna fight are still gonna fight. Why did mom leave YOU the dental floss when i was the one who took her to the doctor on Monday July 12, 1995? The worst in people come out when someone dies. That seems to be when a lot of families split apart. It is sad and pathetic. A will might attenuate that a bit, but it doesn't stop the greedy or entitled or resentful.
A will gives someone the authority to make the decisions, sign papers, do what needs to be done legally. Naming your executor is the most important part of a will.
Executors don't always do what is in the will.
They are supposed to. If not - they can be held accountable.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I made sure that whomever had custody of my kids was not the executor and had to have proof that any monies was being spent on the kids.
But the reason being, my kids were little and my ex would try to get them if he thought he could get money. He wouldn't take care of the kids.
He was a pot head and he was smoking everything up.
He would have to fight in court to get anything from them.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
In addition to a will, have you considered writing your obituary?
One of the kindest and most thoughtful things my mother ever did was write her own obituary. During her last days, she told me it was on her desk, tucked into the side of the blotter. She had named all the accolades and special honors she had received, the dates & degrees of her college education, etc. etc. etc. Plus she told me whom to contact at the funeral home, and all the other arrangements she wanted.
I didn't have to do an sleuthing to find out these things, during an especially stressful time.
Just write it, and tuck it away where someone can find it quickly, and let spouse/child/executor/friend know where to find it. Its not morbid, its just extremely practical.
Can I just say that as an attorney, I really think putting a financial power of attorney in place is more important? I mean, when you dead - it will get figured out, messy or not. But when you are alive, but no longer able to take care of yourself, it gets more complicated. The conservatorship and guardianship process in this state anyway, is much more complicated and burdensome than the probate process.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
