DEAR ABBY: “Don” and I have been married for 44 years, and our marriage has had its ups and downs. We are now both retired.
The problem is that Don does not get along with our 43-year-old son, “Chris.” (He gets along fine with our two daughters.) Don and Chris have very different personalities and little in common. Chris lives abroad but visits frequently and stays with us.
During his most recent visit, his father was distant and rude to him. It has happened before and is hurtful to Chris and to me. I have tried speaking with my husband about it, but he never has a good reason for his behavior.
When my mother heard what happened, she got angry and said if I don’t divorce Don, she doesn’t want to see either of us again. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. — HURT BADLY IN OREGON
DEAR HURT BADLY: After 40 years of marriage, you should have learned by now not to confide your problems in your mother. That your husband seems incapable of tolerating his son because of “personality differences” is regrettable, but hardly a cause for divorce at this point.
If Chris stayed in a hotel during his visits rather than your home, it would provide less opportunity for confrontation, and you both might enjoy the visits more. I hope you will consider it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Her mother needs to butt out. Of course wife should have kept her mouth shut.
Son lives abroad but comes home to visit often & always stays with parents. That makes me wonder if he comes home to mooch when he runs out of money & that is what ticks his dad off. It would be very expensive to fly home frequently. Unless maybe he's a pilot.
Good grief. Her mother has to be in her eighties. She should know after being married that long to not tell her mother anything.
That said, I would tell her husband he can at least be civil to their son when he visits--or she's going to check herself into a hotel when the son visits and hubby can fend for himself.
this is one case where a little passive aggressive behavior would be appropriate.
-- Edited by huskerbb on Tuesday 29th of March 2016 12:02:31 PM
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Maybe the dad caught him doing something like picking his or eating flies.
Maybe they just don't get along.
But the grandmother needs to shut up.
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