TOTALLY GEEKED!

He's a decent dad who wants the best for his kids, and that's admirable.
It's the price you pay for marrying someone who already has kids.
Maybe it would make you really happy if he stopped all child support so YOUR child could have more.
Suck it up, buttercup.

weltschmerz wrote:

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He's a decent dad who wants the best for his kids, and that's admirable.
It's the price you pay for marrying someone who already has kids.
Maybe it would make you really happy if he stopped all child support so YOUR child could have more.
Suck it up, buttercup.

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 How about ALL HIS kids are treated equally?  Unless he is putting aside the same for his baby as for his daughter's education then he is being completely unfair and if marital income is going toward those kids' education then yeah, she has a say.

This should have been discussed before they married. Perhaps he does have enough to pay for all 3 for college if they stay in the condo.

Well, he shouldn't be bankrupting them and not thinking about his other child. Fine, help them and then go start a 529 plan and fund the youngest one too.

"No. I understand you’re not threatening to lock his daughters in a golden tower so your son can grow up with free rein of the kingdom, but ... no. They’re not your children. It’s not your call. You live in a perfectly nice condo, and there are public parks for your son to run around in. Lots of people grow up without dogs and lead perfectly normal lives. You have everything you need, and then some. Don’t ask a couple of teenagers to take on student loan debt so you can have more."

I agree.

weltschmerz wrote:

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"No. I understand you’re not threatening to lock his daughters in a golden tower so your son can grow up with free rein of the kingdom, but ... no. They’re not your children. It’s not your call. You live in a perfectly nice condo, and there are public parks for your son to run around in. Lots of people grow up without dogs and lead perfectly normal lives. You have everything you need, and then some. Don’t ask a couple of teenagers to take on student loan debt so you can have more."

I agree.

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 What??? It is her business.  He's HER husband. He should be disproportionately spending his income on his other two kids and not his current wife and child. 

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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weltschmerz wrote:

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He's a decent dad who wants the best for his kids, and that's admirable.
It's the price you pay for marrying someone who already has kids.
Maybe it would make you really happy if he stopped all child support so YOUR child could have more.
Suck it up, buttercup.

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 How about ALL HIS kids are treated equally?  Unless he is putting aside the same for his baby as for his daughter's education then he is being completely unfair and if marital income is going toward those kids' education then yeah, she has a say.

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 There is NOTHING to suggest that he won't pay for his youngest child's college, too. 

 

Where do you get your nonsense?  The LW doesn't even bring that up.  She's just worried about not getting the house she wants. 

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 07:48:10 PM

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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weltschmerz wrote:

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She's whining that her kid doesn't have a tree house.
Maybe that's because he's putting money away for the youngest kid.

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 How do you know that?

The letter doesn't say.

 

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 The fact that the letter doesn't bring up the youngest child's college makes it easy to infer that the LW isn't worried about it and from that one can assume that it will be covered.  

huskerbb wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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weltschmerz wrote:

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She's whining that her kid doesn't have a tree house.
Maybe that's because he's putting money away for the youngest kid.

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 How do you know that?

The letter doesn't say.

 

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 The fact that the letter doesn't bring up the youngest child's college makes it easy to infer that the LW isn't worried about it and from that one can assume that it will be covered.  

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Yes.

Meanwhile, his daughters' education is more important than a tree house for a two year old. 

First of all he should NOT ask his kids to take out loans. No way no how. But I really have to side with IKWTDS here. In DH's divorce decree it says he has to pay for HALF of SS's degree. He may not even have to pay for that much. His ex works for a college and she earns free tuition for her kids by working there. But yes, where is the mom? She should help out too. And no, the girls don't have to go to Ivy League schools. And IKWTDS is right. Their baby deserves consideration too!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Why shouldn't the kids take out loans? I am making my own kids take out loans. They need to have some ownership in their own education.

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 Because he can't.  The divorce decree spells out that he pays for college--not them.  It's irrelevant as to whether or not they should have "ownership".

He MIGHT have some ability to influence where they go to college--but I think that would be unwise to say, sorry, Harvard is out.  Again, contingent on the fact that they can afford it--but even according to the letter it seems they can.  

huskerbb wrote:

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Also, the LW CANNOT make the girls take on student loans if the divorce decree states that dad will pay for college.

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 Divorce decrees do not stipulate private college.  Most are for state colleges.  But he WANTs them to go to the more expensive schools.  

huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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First of all he should NOT ask his kids to take out loans. No way no how. But I really have to side with IKWTDS here. In DH's divorce decree it says he has to pay for HALF of SS's degree. He may not even have to pay for that much. His ex works for a college and she earns free tuition for her kids by working there. But yes, where is the mom? She should help out too. And no, the girls don't have to go to Ivy League schools. And IKWTDS is right. Their baby deserves consideration too!

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 NONE of that matters.  The divorce decree lets mom off the hook.  He signed off on that.  He had a lawyer--and he probably got some trade-offs such as keeping his retirement accounts or whatever. 

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 Oh you are so naive Husker in the ways of the divorce court.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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First of all he should NOT ask his kids to take out loans. No way no how. But I really have to side with IKWTDS here. In DH's divorce decree it says he has to pay for HALF of SS's degree. He may not even have to pay for that much. His ex works for a college and she earns free tuition for her kids by working there. But yes, where is the mom? She should help out too. And no, the girls don't have to go to Ivy League schools. And IKWTDS is right. Their baby deserves consideration too!

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 NONE of that matters.  The divorce decree lets mom off the hook.  He signed off on that.  He had a lawyer--and he probably got some trade-offs such as keeping his retirement accounts or whatever. 

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 Oh you are so naive Husker in the ways of the divorce court.

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 So he didn't sign off on it?  

 

Maybe he didn't get a trade-off, in which case he lost, but that is IRRELEVANT as to what he has to do now.  

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 7th of April 2016 08:10:56 PM

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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First of all he should NOT ask his kids to take out loans. No way no how. But I really have to side with IKWTDS here. In DH's divorce decree it says he has to pay for HALF of SS's degree. He may not even have to pay for that much. His ex works for a college and she earns free tuition for her kids by working there. But yes, where is the mom? She should help out too. And no, the girls don't have to go to Ivy League schools. And IKWTDS is right. Their baby deserves consideration too!

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 I hate that some states force divorced parents to pay for college.  That is so not right.  So if your parent's are married, no soup for you!

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 No kidding.  If your parents are divorced you are promised a free ride through college.  If they are still married good luck, start applying for loans!

Married parents can pay for college, too--and many do if they can afford it, and this guy CAN.

He undoubtedly would have paid for this if he was still married to their mother.

I think I'm going to have to agree with weltz on this one.

I don't think people realize what they are getting into when they marry someone who has children. And it never ends. Parents don't stop being parents when the child turns 18. Then there's the grandchildren, and it starts all over.

Its more common in divorces than you think. G didnt have to pay for college, but he DID have to maintain a college account for them in the amount of x dollars per paycheck on top of child support. It was enough to pay for their college.

Yep. Deal with it...

I just can't believe that someone who has that kind of money to pay for an Ivy school and med school also couldn't afford to buy a house.

NAOW wrote:

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I just can't believe that someone who has that kind of money to pay for an Ivy school and med school also couldn't afford to buy a house.

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 I wondered that too!

Lawyerlady wrote:

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A college degree is not medical school. You get a bachelor's degree first - then go to medical school. His obligation ends with college.

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 Not necessarily. He may feel compelled to pay the whole thing.

  As for having the money, not everyone has an endless supply of money to pay for 2 kids to go to college simulataneously without taking any loans.  He may be able to afford that , but that doesn't mean he can afford that AND a house.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I don't understand how some Judge can just order college to be paid for. That is an unknown cost. And, there are a lot of variables. Should your kid then just decide they can go to whatever college they please and major in whatever they want? I suppose Judges can pretty much order anything but that isn't right.

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 That should have been taken into consideration when crafting the settlement agreement.  Now, whatever he has agreed to is what he agreed to, and Courts have and will enforce it. 

 

 

These are all the things that should have been considered when agreeing to pay for college in the divorce agreement -

Voluntary college support agreements are contracts that spell out each parent’s responsibility for a child’s college costs. Even if you live in a state that won’t order parents to pay college expenses, a court will honor parents’ college support agreements. Agreements need to explain and define the following elements in order to be enforceable:


definition of what type of college will be covered—public university, private school, technical school, or trade school
definition of covered expenses, such as tuition, housing, food, travel costs, books, and other living expenses
how payments will be made
the child’s responsibility for certain expenses
where the child will reside while attending school, and
conditions the child must meet for payments to continue, like good behavior or a certain grade point average.