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Cheerios4606


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Dear Prudie: She slept with nine different men, one in each country visited
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Dear Prudence,
I overheard my older daughter telling her sister about her experience during her semester abroad—her sexual experience. She slept with nine different men, one in each country she visited. I left before I could hear more. I never thought that I was a prude, but it was unsettling to hear my baby girl has had more sex partners in a year than I’ve had in my life. I am worried about her behavior and why she would be telling this to her 16-year-old sister. My daughter has a 4.0 GPA, volunteers, and is usually a good person. Am I out of touch? Should I talk to her about what I overheard? To her sister?

—Too High?

I don’t think that you’re out of touch, necessarily, but I also don’t think that your daughter has done anything wrong by having more sex than you. It’s possible to sleep with a great many people in a healthy way; it’s possible to sleep with very few people in an unhealthy way. I don’t think “is a good person” and “recently had sex with nine different men” are facts at odds with one another. They are both true for your daughter.

That said, I understand it is disconcerting to think about your daughter, a brand-new adult, as a person who has sex at all, much less a person who has sex differently than you do. And I can certainly understand your feeling uncomfortable that she bragged about her very adult experiences to her teenage sister. I think you’re within your rights to tell your older daughter you overheard her conversation with her sister, and while you don’t want to overstep your boundaries, you hope she’s practicing safe sex and not encouraging risky behavior in her younger sibling. If you haven’t already, now might be the right time for a brief refresher on safe sex for your younger daughter (without connecting it to her recent conversation). The rest of it, I think you’ll have to feel uncomfortable about in private.

* * *

 

Um... ew anyone? A new guy at every port? You know, men that do this are called manwhores... So I guess this makes her a whore?  



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"I think you’re within your rights to tell your older daughter you overheard her conversation with her sister, and while you don’t want to overstep your boundaries, you hope she’s practicing safe sex and not encouraging risky behavior in her younger sibling."


Overstepping boundaries by telling her not to share her sexual exploits with her little sister? Yeah, right.

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Over stepping boundaries?

I'd blow through any "boundary" with a big old dose of reality.

A trip to the doctor for an STD work up and she'd be getting an earful the whole time.

I'm not a prude, I can even see one or two. But NINE?!?!

Good Lord girl, what is wrong with you?



-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Friday 8th of April 2016 05:11:59 PM

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I'd have a huge problem with her sharing that part of her trip with her younger sister.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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She's an adult so if she wants to adopt slutty ways, then i guess she may. But no you don't get to corrupt your sister. And, yes, i would tell her that i am very disappointed in her behavior and the she endangered herself and made herself vulnerable in a dangerous way. And, yeah it might seem fun and exciting but you dont' know those men and placing yourself in that position is a very foolish thing to do. And, NO, i will not be FUNDING anymore of these kind of study abroad trips.

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lilyofcourse


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Here's the thing, it doesn't say how much older this girl is. She may not be an adult.

She could be a Senior in high school.

She could be in college.

It just doesn't say.

Either way, that trip was financed, at least partially, by mom and dad, most likely.



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A man in every port? Sounds a bit exciting.

However, she should be protecting herself, and for goodness sake, keep your excursions to yourself. I'm telling you, loose lips sink ships.

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Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.

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Mellow Momma


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Oh...it never said she didn't use protection. She very well may have. We don't know.

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karl271


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Oh, I don't know. A little taste/sample of the local culture... Doesn't sound too bad. (Not really)

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karl271 wrote:

Oh, I don't know. A little taste/sample of the local culture... Doesn't sound too bad. (Not really)

 karl apparently tasted the local culture and liked it so much he moved there!  biggrin



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Mellow Momma wrote:

Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.

 Doesn't matter. Still not appropriate.  And using protection doesn't dial down the slut factor.



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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
karl271 wrote:

Oh, I don't know. A little taste/sample of the local culture... Doesn't sound too bad. (Not really)

 karl apparently tasted the local culture and liked it so much he moved there!  biggrin

 What can I say??    LOL



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Mellow Momma wrote:

Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.


 No, mom does not have to condone that.  Nor, does mom have to fund that.  Nor does mom have to all her to tell all the juicy details to her minor sister.  I am not saying mom can stop her, but I am saying that mom doesn't have to approve.



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Mellow Momma wrote:

Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.

 So it's ok but she's a slut? You're right if a man did this other men would high five him. We women on the other hand judge her harshly while we're pretending to think it's ok.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I don't think it's ok. I think it's stupid.

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FNW


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How long was she abroad? How long was she in each country? 9 men in 9 days, yeah, that's a little much. 9 men in 1 or 2 or 3 years? Not so much.

Anyone who has had sex outside of marriage would be hypocritical to call her a slut, IMO. Now, depending on the time range, her behavior might be self-destructive.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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It says her semester abroad. What's a semester usually? 14 weeks maybe?

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FNW wrote:

How long was she abroad? How long was she in each country? 9 men in 9 days, yeah, that's a little much. 9 men in 1 or 2 or 3 years? Not so much.

Anyone who has had sex outside of marriage would be hypocritical to call her a slut, IMO. Now, depending on the time range, her behavior might be self-destructive.

 Sleeping with a bunch of men you don't know is a tad different than sleeping with a longtime boyfriend, don't you think?



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Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.

 Doesn't matter. Still not appropriate.  And using protection doesn't dial down the slut factor.

 The little sister is 16! This is exactly the time she needs to hear from her sister that sex can wait. It's totally appropriate for an older sister to explain to her 16 year old sister that having 9 men over a semester is not wise! And it's more likely that she will listen to her older sister than to her mother. 

The 16 year old might already be having sex. The mom doesn't seem to be in touch enough to know what her kids are up to. So  at least the sisters are talking. 



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Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:

Mom left before she heard the whole story. Maybe it was a cautionary tale. She could have been telling her sister "and now I regret what I did so don't be like me".

And if she wants to sleep with all of Europe, more power to her. No one would have blinked if a guy did this. She has a 4.0 and spends her non slut time volunteering. Let her be her own person. She might have been doing this for years and mom just didn't know.

 Doesn't matter. Still not appropriate.  And using protection doesn't dial down the slut factor.

 The little sister is 16! This is exactly the time she needs to hear from her sister that sex can wait. It's totally appropriate for an older sister to explain to her 16 year old sister that having 9 men over a semester is not wise! And it's more likely that she will listen to her older sister than to her mother. 

The 16 year old might already be having sex. The mom doesn't seem to be in touch enough to know what her kids are up to. So  at least the sisters are talking. 

Nope. 



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Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:

How long was she abroad? How long was she in each country? 9 men in 9 days, yeah, that's a little much. 9 men in 1 or 2 or 3 years? Not so much.

Anyone who has had sex outside of marriage would be hypocritical to call her a slut, IMO. Now, depending on the time range, her behavior might be self-destructive.

 Sleeping with a bunch of men you don't know is a tad different than sleeping with a longtime boyfriend, don't you think?

 The article did not say she didn't know them.  Maybe they were guys she knew from the study program.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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9 different guys in one semester. That seems like a LOT.

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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

9 different guys in one semester. That seems like a LOT.

 If only her mother had loved her enough to buy her a vibrator...evileye

flan



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Or taught her to poop on the floor when in strange lands!

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lilyofcourse


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Is she a slut? I don't know.

Is it ok for a guy to do this? No. I hold men to the same standard.

Should the sisters not talk about sex? That's crazy. Of course they should talk. Who here DIDN'T know what sex was at 16?

It's just dangerous to be promiscuous. STDs are real and can be deadly. That would be my biggest concern.

That many men in such a short time seems reckless and irresponsible.

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An avg college semester is 14 to 16 weeks. So, yeah, that would qualify as "slut".

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lilyofcourse


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Well, technically, anyone who has premarital sex is a slut.

So.....



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Not really. I think that having sex with your bf whom you are about to marry is a bit different than sleeping with multiple random men. Not saying that it isn't a sin as well because it is. But, society views that differently.

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It sounds like a great way to experience Europe.


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Tangerine wrote:

It sounds like a great way to experience Europe.

 I knew there had to be someone!



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Am I the only one that wishes she had been bold enough to try this??? I went to ten different countries! I bet an Irish laddy would have been fun. . .

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Or a handsome Welshman! !

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Nothing wrong with tasting the local cuisine.

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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

Am I the only one that wishes she had been bold enough to try this??? I went to ten different countries! I bet an Irish laddy would have been fun. . .

 When I went to France, I had been chatting on-line and on the phone with an Englishman.  I decided to let him know I would be in Paris, so he decided to meet me under the Eiffel Tower.   It was a very sweet, romantic day, walks through parks, dining in cafes, taking in the sights... which continued into the night.....

He visited me here and I visited him in his country.  What I thought would be an enjoyable day/evening turned into a long distance relationship which lasted several months.  

It's always nice to have some companionship when visiting a foreign country.

 



-- Edited by FNW on Saturday 9th of April 2016 02:27:17 PM

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This terrifies me. She's lucky she didn't end up a victim of sex trafficking. Strange men in strange lands - good grief, could she be any more stupid?

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Lawyerlady wrote:

This terrifies me. She's lucky she didn't end up a victim of sex trafficking. Strange men in strange lands - good grief, could she be any more stupid?

 Oh I'm sure they were all so nice to her and normal seeming.  Of course you are right.



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Well, she made it home in one piece, so I guess she judged them correctly.
But yes, it was risky.

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Driving a car is risky too. Sometimes you have to take a risk.

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Yeah, fvcking your way through Europe is not really anything one NEEDS to do.

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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

Well, she made it home in one piece, so I guess she judged them correctly.
But yes, it was risky.

 Not necessarily.   Not all STDs show up right away.  And there are issues besides the physical.  One's mental or emotional health.  Ones' character development, etc.



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Ohfour


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Lord...when I was a wayward slut, I would have done this. As an adult, I just want to slap her...

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Ohfour wrote:

Lord...when I was a wayward slut, I would have done this. As an adult, I just want to slap her...

 Ding Ding Ding!



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Lawyerlady wrote:

Yeah, fvcking your way through Europe is not really anything one NEEDS to do.

 Maybe that's how she financed some of it!



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Southern_Belle wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

Yeah, fvcking your way through Europe is not really anything one NEEDS to do.

 Maybe that's how she financed some of it!

 True! 



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Cheerios4606


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Someone needs to sit down and watch the movie "taken". A few times on repeat.

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Ohfour wrote:

Lord...when I was a wayward slut, I would have done this. As an adult, I just want to slap her...

 Ding Ding Ding!

Count me in this group. 



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FNW


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This makes me get out a map and see how many states/countries I've had sex in.

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This made me think of Natalie Holloway. He looked handsome and wholesome. Her daughter was lucky.

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EXACTLY! this exactly Lindley. Ugh. And now the younger sis thinks older sis is so worldly and cool. Blech!

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