DEAR HARRIETTE: From the ages of 2 to 10, my mother entered me in beauty pageants. I grew up in the South, where this is common. I don't hold any resentment toward my mother, but I do grimace a little when I see my old dresses, flippers and costumes. I know I won a few thousand dollars for my family in the end and had some fun, so I don't regret these years of my life. Now that I am pregnant for the first time, my mother has been asking me about how I'm going to find any pageants up north for my daughter to compete in. I said I wasn't particularly worried about this, and my mother mentioned how the money helps with expenses and how I could reuse some of my old belongings. I keep dodging the questions she asks, but quite frankly, I think putting my daughter into pageants would be tacky. I don't want to have my toddler daughter make money for me, and I don't want judges ranking her. I don't have any hard feelings about my pageant years, but I will not be entering my daughter in them. How can I get my point across firmly, without stepping on any toes? -- Turning a New Page, Wilmington, Delaware
DEAR TURNING A NEW PAGE: You are going to have to come right out and tell your mother directly that you will not be entering your daughter in pageants. When she presses you, tell her that you understand why she had you do it, but you don't want your daughter to follow in your footsteps. You will help her figure out her own interests and support her in exploring them.
Just say, Mom that is not my thing . YOUR thing is not MY thing. It was fun for me but I am interested to have my daughter explore other things. End of story.
Well if mom's feelings are hurt, that is her problem. She doesn't get to make those decisions for grandchild. She had her turn, not it's her daughter's turn to raise her child. But, I don't think she needs to bring that up in a way to bash mom for putting her in them. She said she had some fun and it wasn't terrible. Mom most likely thought she was doing the right thing and besides, it's long over.
DD was terribly shy as a toddler. I put her in pageants. Wow, the turn around was amazing. She gained confidence, she gained poise. She came out of her shell. Shes glad we did that.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
They reinforce the notion that girls are only valued for their looks, a la Trump. It's absurd.
If you had put her in ballet or soccer, she also would have come out of her shell.
She was in ballet before pageants. Cried the whole time. She loved being in pageants. She then went to ballet/dance, then onto cheerleading in jr high/hs.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
They reinforce the notion that girls are only valued for their looks, a la Trump. It's absurd. If you had put her in ballet or soccer, she also would have come out of her shell.
Exactly.
Even the commercials for Toddlers & Tiaras make me cringe.
Not true in the least. No different than charm schools. They teach confidence. They also have talent competitions. And there are many natural pageants. If you think a TV show represents all pageants, you are woefully ignorant.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Fake tans. Fake teeth. Fake hair. Fake eyelashes. Makeup applied with a trowel.
Not appropriate for 5 and 6 year olds.
I find them disgusting.
"You're only as good as you look! You have to look prettier than the other girls, so you can get a crown!"
Horrible.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Why? Because you said so? Oh ok. I think that if they are done right, they can teach girls some good people skills, grace, poise, etc. They aren't for everyone and of course if you go bananas about it , then it becomes something that could be detrimental.
Oh, there are protesters. A bunch of butch lib women with ugly kids. The jealousy is palpable. Their kids are the participation trophy kids, and they cant stand to know some are better than others.
My daughter is successful AND beautiful. Too bad you think you cant be both. So which are you? Im guessing successful due to your disdain of pretty people.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Oh, there are protesters. A bunch of butch lib women with ugly kids. The jealousy is palpable. Their kids are the participation trophy kids, and they cant stand to know some are better than others. My daughter is successful AND beautiful. Too bad you think you cant be both. So which are you? Im guessing successful due to your disdain of pretty people.
Lol! One of these days. I'll put my picture up and watch your head explode.
Yeah we get that. Turning a small child into a pedophile's wet dream is a southern thing.
No.
See pedophiles like the prepubescent.
Making a girl look older is not what a pedophile wants.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
However, I will say that I've found that most women that object to pageants are usually ugly and fat. With little self esteem themselves...
This.
So what if a girl is pretty? What is wrong with acknowledging that?
Nothing.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
However, I will say that I've found that most women that object to pageants are usually ugly and fat. With little self esteem themselves...
This.
So what if a girl is pretty? What is wrong with acknowledging that?
Nothing.
Nothing is wrong with a girl being pretty.
You shouldn't enforce the idea that she has to be the prettiest of them all, or else she's a failure.
What are you talking about? Who said anything about being a failure?
You channeling Ricky Bobby now?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Well, we know in the liberal world of La La Land, that nobody can handle someone being a winner and someone losing or coming in second or whatever. But, guess what Welts? Most people CAN handle that. In fact, most people enjoy competitions unlike the stupidity of giving everyone a participation trophy for wiping their own arse today.
Just because your kid wins a soccer game isn't send the message that this is ALL they are is it? What if they win an Art show ? Does that mean that is ALL they are? Or a music award? Or Valedictorian? I know competition is anathema in your world, but it is very healthy.
And interestingly enough, the prettiest girl doesn't always win. Its usually the most rounded girl. That includes looks (caring about her appearance ), fitness, talent, confidence, and personality. A pretty girl with an ugly personality rarely wins.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...