DEAR ABBY: I need help developing a response to a very rude question. My daughter recently turned 13. It seems that every time we go to a gathering and the moms get together talking, someone will ask me if my daughter has gotten her period yet.
It isn't even a question from people I'm close with or who really know my daughter. She would be mortified if she knew that people fixated on it. What is a good way to reply that it is none of their business without seeming rude? -- OFFENDED IN N.Y.C.
DEAR OFFENDED: My goodness, what a question. And from someone who is only an acquaintance. If the person is someone I don't know well, I would reply, "That's a personal, private matter between my daughter and me." Or, if I was feeling mischievous, I might smile and say, "She hasn't had one for the last four months and it's beginning to worry me." (Just kidding.)
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It doesn't really sound like fixating if it's a bunch of moms of daughters the same age. It sounds like they're comparing developmental markers. Same like 'are you toilet training yet?' or 'is yours teething yet'?
It doesn't really sound like fixating if it's a bunch of moms of daughters the same age. It sounds like they're comparing developmental markers. Same like 'are you toilet training yet?' or 'is yours teething yet'?
Not a big deal.
Exactly. And it isnt like these people are running around town gossiping about their kids. It's moms comparing notes. Gimme a break.
__________________
Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
That is really a dumb and personal question to ask another mother unless one has a concern about their own daughter and is really only seeking advice or is trying to learn.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
That is really a dumb and personal question to ask another mother unless one has a concern about their own daughter and is really only seeking advice or is trying to learn.
I think it depends on the group of people. Some groups of moms share everything. This would be no different than asking if your daughter wears makeup to school.
__________________
Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
That is really a dumb and personal question to ask another mother unless one has a concern about their own daughter and is really only seeking advice or is trying to learn.
I think it depends on the group of people. Some groups of moms share everything. This would be no different than asking if your daughter wears makeup to school.
Oh I beg to differ. Wearing make up is certainly a none issue compared to menstruation especially when such moms will have a "talk" with their daughters and reveal that personal info to their daughter. And then it gets all over school embarrassing the poor girl.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I think I would ask "why do you want to know?" It could be she is concerned about her dd or want advice on how to help her dd when she starts. If its just a nosy question I might just change the subject.
Or write to Dear Abby. Moms should know which moms are the ones with big mouths.
That is very true. And if you don't know a mom too well to know if they have a big mouth or not, don't reveal personal info.
This is true.
Seemed my mom never understood discretion. She blabbering everything about me to her friends.
I remember having a girl I rarely spoke to ask me about my period in 5th grade.
Her mom and my mom talked.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't see it as a big deal, sharing milestones and what not. A year or two ago I discussed with another mother at what age we should have "the talk" with our boys. (She has one that went to preschool with mine). I find it beneficial to discuss child-rearing with other mothers. Not that I'm going to do whatever they do, just nice to know I'm not alone in my concerns.
That being said, I suspect the reason this mother is offended is because her daughter hasn't started hers yet and mom feels she might be "behind" in her adolescent maturity. Her best comeback might be, "No, thank God. I wish I didn't have mine."
I have chatted about it with some other mothers who have daughters the same age. I don't see it as that big of a deal. Yes, i wouldn't talk about with strangers, but these are friends.
I think it depends on how it comes up. Are they talking about purses and out of the blue did she get asked if her daughter has gotten her period yet? Or was the conversation already about development/milestones/what to do when and the question was asked.
Personally, I have a feeling that it was a general conversation about how to handle these things with your daughter and this woman felt uncomfortable with the subject matter. Some woman just aren't comfortable talking about those things
The LW says "gatherings" and refers to them as "the moms".
She also says
"It isn't even a question from people I'm close with or who really know my daughter."
That's not friends, that's people who happen to be at the same events often.
I don't know.
I would find it strange in that situation.
Now my best friend or cousins, it would seem normal.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Sometimes offering a very blatant shocked face is a good enough response to some of these questions. I swear, idiots are breeding more and more these days, but if the over the top shocked look on your face doesn't do it, the good old "Why do you want to know?" should get them to shut their trap. Ugh. TMI folks!
It doesn't really sound like fixating if it's a bunch of moms of daughters the same age. It sounds like they're comparing developmental markers. Same like 'are you toilet training yet?' or 'is yours teething yet'?
Not a big deal.
Exactly. And it isnt like these people are running around town gossiping about their kids. It's moms comparing notes. Gimme a break.
