DEAR ABBY: We have an adult son and daughter who can't handle money and can't keep a job. Should we tell them they are NOT going to inherit everything we have when my wife and I are gone?
We have bailed them out of trouble more than once, but they don't seem to learn. They are in their 30s and 40s and neither one is looking for a job. Anything we left them would soon be squandered, and there are many organizations that could put the money to good use. We would leave them something, but nothing like what they expect. So: Tell them or not? -- PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR PERPLEXED: In the back of my mind is echoing the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared." You should definitely tell your "children" now, while there's still time for them to get off their posteriors and start preparing for their financial futures.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
The money spending, I understand, some people are just terrible with money. The keeping a job thing though I don't get, that's where I would lose all sympathy.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I'm just trying to poke back enough to cover my funeral and burial.
My kids are under strict instructions to spend as little as possible.
I don't see the point in a $10k casket and some huge hunk of rock with my name on it.
Oh, and they are to bury me barefoot and braless.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Why would anyone expect to inherit anything, when their parents die?
I don't expect a dime, when my Mom passes away.
I know she's living/traveling, having a good time, with what she and my Dad earned.
We have done well by our own children.
While we're all alive to enjoy, sharing it with them.
I don't think that they expect, that we would leave them a fortune.
This whole, Disinherit Thing...is out of my wheelhouse.
(And, I think I'm happy about that.)
I agree FWM
I totally agree too. I have made it clear to both my parents that as long as I have enough to put them in the ground, we are good. They earned, they should enjoy it.
My kids are going to inherit. I'm not working as hard as I do to piss it all away when I'm old.
I'm sure my sister and I will inherit also. But I don't want my parents to do without or not take that trip because they are worried about what they are leaving us.
It's not. But I have known people who, for example, don't take that trip to Europe or buy the RV and travel the US because they get crap from their kids about "spending the inheritance". I just wanted to make clear to my parents that I want them to take that trip or buy that RV. I have watched my parents work hard, sweat and sacrifice my whole life. No way am I going to stand in their way of enjoying their golden years.
as I said, I know I will have an inheritance, but I'm not counting on it as some huge windfall. The best thing my parents have bequeathed to me is a good work ethic, so I'll be fine either way.
It's not. But I have known people who, for example, don't take that trip to Europe or buy the RV and travel the US because they get crap from their kids about "spending the inheritance". I just wanted to make clear to my parents that I want them to take that trip or buy that RV. I have watched my parents work hard, sweat and sacrifice my whole life. No way am I going to stand in their way of enjoying their golden years.
as I said, I know I will have an inheritance, but I'm not counting on it as some huge windfall. The best thing my parents have bequeathed to me is a good work ethic, so I'll be fine either way.
But that is their decision just as much as it is the decision of the LW here to give them nothing.
I still don't see why it has to be either/or. How about take the trip, buy the RV, AND pass a good amount along? How much money can you spend, anyway?
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
It's not. But I have known people who, for example, don't take that trip to Europe or buy the RV and travel the US because they get crap from their kids about "spending the inheritance". I just wanted to make clear to my parents that I want them to take that trip or buy that RV. I have watched my parents work hard, sweat and sacrifice my whole life. No way am I going to stand in their way of enjoying their golden years.
as I said, I know I will have an inheritance, but I'm not counting on it as some huge windfall. The best thing my parents have bequeathed to me is a good work ethic, so I'll be fine either way.
But that is their decision just as much as it is the decision of the LW here to give them nothing.
I still don't see why it has to be either/or. How about take the trip, buy the RV, AND pass a good amount along? How much money can you spend, anyway?
Because for some people, it has to be either/or, there just isn't enough for both. That is not the situation my family is in, but if it was, they don't need to worry about taking care of me.
It's not. But I have known people who, for example, don't take that trip to Europe or buy the RV and travel the US because they get crap from their kids about "spending the inheritance". I just wanted to make clear to my parents that I want them to take that trip or buy that RV. I have watched my parents work hard, sweat and sacrifice my whole life. No way am I going to stand in their way of enjoying their golden years.
as I said, I know I will have an inheritance, but I'm not counting on it as some huge windfall. The best thing my parents have bequeathed to me is a good work ethic, so I'll be fine either way.
But that is their decision just as much as it is the decision of the LW here to give them nothing.
I still don't see why it has to be either/or. How about take the trip, buy the RV, AND pass a good amount along? How much money can you spend, anyway?
Because for some people, it has to be either/or, there just isn't enough for both. That is not the situation my family is in, but if it was, they don't need to worry about taking care of me.
Then there isn't squat to inherit, anyway. But again, that is their choice just as much as it is to give it to charity or whatever.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Spendthrift is a strange word to me. It seems to me that it would be the opposite of what it means.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
First - no, they don't have to leave them the money. It's their money, they can do what they want with it.
But, who cares? Once they are dead, who cares if the kids spend it?
I Agree. I think my fictitious kids would have to do something pretty extreme to disinherit them.
I was was not good with money but since getting a little something from my parents estate I'm miss lets invest and live modestly now. Funny how that works 😀
There are spendthrift clauses you can put in wills.
That being said, I agree with husker. What would be the point? My guess is the LW wants to hold it over her children's head or try to use it as leverage to get them to get their act together. Not a good relationship builder, IMO.
My dad took me out of his will a long time ago. He doesn't have much anyway, except the classic Vette that was to be mine and is now my little brother's.
My mom is too poor to even bother with a will.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I tell my kids I'm going to disown them some times when they are being particularly bratty.
Then we laugh and they discuss how they will divide the CD collection and who gets the little bit of jewelry I have.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I just did wills for a couple like this. They didn't want to leave anything to their kids or grandkids because they are irresponsible brats. They left it all to a 5 year old great grand-child, and refused to put any restrictions on her getting the money when she turns 18.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
shucks... If this were me I would work very diligently to spend it all before I go. There is plenty of charity events and programs to invest in that would be very happy to have the money. Plus a couple of cruises, trips to Germany and Ireland... shucks... I would have that money well spent before kicking the bucket. Let the kids slowly realize that I am spending my money and not leaving any behind!
First - no, they don't have to leave them the money. It's their money, they can do what they want with it.
But, who cares? Once they are dead, who cares if the kids spend it?
People think they can control others from the grave. You can't. And, once you are dead, how does it matter anymore? It is their money and they should do with it what they please.
shucks... If this were me I would work very diligently to spend it all before I go. There is plenty of charity events and programs to invest in that would be very happy to have the money. Plus a couple of cruises, trips to Germany and Ireland... shucks... I would have that money well spent before kicking the bucket. Let the kids slowly realize that I am spending my money and not leaving any behind!
That sounds good but you don't know how long you will live or what condition of health, etc. Having money gives you choices. When my mom declined, she had enough money for Assisted Living. And, she had enough money to get a private room at the nursing home. So, yeah, maybe you don't want to save it for that, but you don't know how long you could possibly live or what the state of the economy will be or what kind of illness, disabilities, etc that cause other expenses. I think you need to be wise. Spend some for sure but also don't squander it all either.
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