DEAR ABBY: I share a large house with two other women. The homeowner, “Mary,” works from a home office during the day.
“Sue” is her baby sister. She has two small children and doesn’t work. She lives here rent-free thanks to Mary’s generosity. I pay rent.
We keep all our food separate and eat our meals separately. We each have our assigned shelves in the refrigerator and cupboards.
Today I mentioned to Sue that I was making meatloaf tonight, and before I could say I’ll save you a slice, she invited herself to help me eat it. I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t think of a response.
She also told both of her kids and a girlfriend of hers who came over to visit that “we” were all having meatloaf for dinner. I didn’t realize it until the last minute.
I don’t mind sharing once in a while, but I live on a fixed income. I had planned for the meatloaf to last the rest of the week for my dinners and sandwiches for lunch. I finally told her, just as the meatloaf was done, that I had made it for myself and not to share with everyone. Now I feel like a heel, but I’m realizing that whenever I make a large amount of food, Sue seems to think it’s to share.
Why am I feeling bad about this when it was she who put me on the spot? How can I avoid this in the future? This isn’t the first time it has happened. — PUZZLED IN THE WEST
DEAR PUZZLED: You may feel guilty because you are not used to standing up for yourself, but if you don’t speak up, this person will not respect your boundaries. Sue should not assume she’s entitled to any of your food regardless of the amount you prepare.
To prevent this from happening again, schedule a house meeting — without the children — and say it loud and clear.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Umm....perhaps you should stop "mentioning" what you are making for dinner. I mean, if you say to the roommate "I'm making meatloaf tonight", it kind of implies you are telling her you are making it for everyone, IMO. Otherwise, why say anything at all?
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Umm....perhaps you should stop "mentioning" what you are making for dinner. I mean, if you say to the roommate "I'm making meatloaf tonight", it kind of implies you are telling her you are making it for everyone, IMO. Otherwise, why say anything at all?
A better way would be "I'm making meatloaf for my meals all week" She probably cooks one or two big meals each week and saves the leftovers for the rest of the week. Sue is a leech. She probably lives off her sister and welfare, doesn't shave her pits, and has her elderly disabled mother babysit too!
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Umm....perhaps you should stop "mentioning" what you are making for dinner. I mean, if you say to the roommate "I'm making meatloaf tonight", it kind of implies you are telling her you are making it for everyone, IMO. Otherwise, why say anything at all?
A better way would be "I'm making meatloaf for my meals all week" She probably cooks one or two big meals each week and saves the leftovers for the rest of the week. Sue is a leech. She probably lives off her sister and welfare, doesn't shave her pits, and has her elderly disabled mother babysit too!
That is an excellent point LL. She should stop running her mouth and announcing her business to them. However, she just needs to tell the slug point blank, this is MY food, i paid for it, and it is for me and only me. Period. Funny how the bums of life are so good at making people feel guilty for not 'sharing" what they own and earn.
That is an excellent point LL. She should stop running her mouth and announcing her business to them. However, she just needs to tell the slug point blank, this is MY food, i paid for it, and it is for me and only me. Period. Funny how the bums of life are so good at making people feel guilty for not 'sharing" what they own and earn.
Isn't that the truth!
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
This happens to me with my brother, he'll come over and rummage through the fridge and try to eat whatever I have made for lunches all week. Luckily, he's my brother so it's not awkward for me to to tell him to GTFO of the fridge.
__________________
Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
"As you can tell from the wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen, I'm making meatloaf. Sorry I can't invite you to share this time, but this meatloaf has to last me all week, for both lunches and suppers."
"I'll share the toilet with you but not the meatloaf"
But if that's the way it is.
Perhaps a fridge in the bedroom would be the best idea.
A small, dorm fridge should be enough.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Why is it strange? It has nothing to do with your fondness for the people you live with, it has to do with how much money you can afford to spend on food.
__________________
Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Why would it be strange? If you are a starving student and renting a place you can't afford to barely feed yourself let alone some lady and her kids. Maybe you would split more with another college aged roomie but a grown woman with 2 kids? Uh no.
She said she was going to save her a slice. I get being ticked at the presumptuousness though. I'd save her one slice and put the rest up with my name on it. The housemate inviting others to share the meatloaf was just rude.
I understand having to watch one's money and I would tell the housemate as much. "This week, I need this for my lunches and dinners as money is tight. I will save you one slice though and put your name on it."
Why is it strange? It has nothing to do with your fondness for the people you live with, it has to do with how much money you can afford to spend on food.
Why isn't it strange? Living with virtual strangers, sharing a house like that is strange to me.
I have no practical experience with it.
It is foreign to me.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it.
Just saying I find it strange.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Why is it strange? It has nothing to do with your fondness for the people you live with, it has to do with how much money you can afford to spend on food.
Why isn't it strange? Living with virtual strangers, sharing a house like that is strange to me.
I have no practical experience with it.
It is foreign to me.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it.
Just saying I find it strange.
Oh the actual act of having a roommate is strange, okay I get it. I thought you meant the not sharing food.
I hated having a roommate, tried it two different times before I decided I would rather be broke with my own place than save money with a roommate
__________________
Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
When DD was in college she had one set of roommates one year that were amazing. There were 4 of them that all were studying abroad for spring semester. They each found a person who was studying abroad fall semester to take their place so 8 girls lived in one house - but only 4 at a time. Those girls had everything down to a science. They split the rent based on how many square feet their bed rooms were (to be fair). They all pitched in $5 a week for common items like butter, ketchup, etc. and they kept a list of what was needed on the fridge. Each girl had her own Tupperware and her food was in her Tupperware and no one touched it. Period.
But you need to all be on the same page. When they moved in they had a house meeting and sorted it all out. If you don't do that, you are screwed.
__________________
Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
It's all about handling expectations UP FRONT. You need to talk about it as part of the contract of being roommates. Of course, to figure it out, you usually need a disastrous time or two first as a learning curve.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
It's funny - in college, my 2nd and 3rd year roomies we all stayed the same from year 2 to 3, even though a couple of them couldn't stand each other. As far as roommates - we had no kitchen, bathroom or cleaning issues, so they figured it was better to stay with a good roommate you didn't like than take the chances on someone new. Plus, I got along with all of them, and the two that didn't like each other didn't have to share a room.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
