TOTALLY GEEKED!

flan327 wrote:

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WHY does she need a "second father?"

And a 51-year-man working at a fast-food burger place? Yes, there could indeed be reasons why...

flan

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 That was my thought too, not sure this is one of those "teaching moments" the parents should allow.  I hope Mom googled his name.

flan327 wrote:

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WHY does she need a "second father?"

And a 51-year-man working at a fast-food burger place? Yes, there could indeed be reasons why...

flan

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  I agree. Her mom is right to forbid  this get together. Yes the daughter  is 18 and technically  a adult, but it doesn't  mean the daughter  is mature  enough  to judge a older person's  intentions.  

Some lessons  are better learned  listening  to someone  who is more worldly  wiser  and looking  back at how right mom was and so glad I listened  to her then  learn  the hard way that can have bad consequences.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Part of me thinks that the parents forbidding it will only make him seem more attractive and make him a more sympathetic listener to her problems. "My parents just don't understand" type of conversations will turn into him lending an ear and he will come out the hero and the parents will be the villains in this story.

Tread lightly here I think. The more you trash this guy the more he will seem worthy of breaking the rules for.

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 That is good advice if the "man" were around her age and a bad boy, but this is a middle aged man who most likely has a record given his employment situation and why is HE interested in her?

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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Part of me thinks that the parents forbidding it will only make him seem more attractive and make him a more sympathetic listener to her problems. "My parents just don't understand" type of conversations will turn into him lending an ear and he will come out the hero and the parents will be the villains in this story.

Tread lightly here I think. The more you trash this guy the more he will seem worthy of breaking the rules for.

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 That is good advice if the "man" were around her age and a bad boy, but this is a middle aged man who most likely has a record given his employment situation and why is HE interested in her?

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 I think - based on experience with friends of mine - that the same advice applies regardless of the age of the guy involved. The more you make it a forbidden fruit situation, the more attractive the man becomes. And the more "misunderstood" she think he is. Dont you know, he was innocent of those crimes?! The cops framed him. It was mistaken identity. His ex was out to get him. It wasn't HIS fault. Showing her his record will only force her to choose sides. That wont be pretty. 

FNW wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Ok.

Mom needs to go down and check this guy out. She is the one with the questions, go see what the deal is.

Is this guy a manager?

What is the policy about fraternizing at work?

Run his name through the data bases of their's and any nearby states.

The 18 year old and a junior in high school isn't a big deal, when is her birthday? Did she fail a grade or did she transfer and need to make up credits?

But, at 18, this mom will have zero options if she puts her foot down too hard and the girl leaves. So she needs to do her homework before "laying down the law".

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 Yes, I would definitely do some vetting....

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 That's why I said go see this man. Check data bases. Know as much as possible about this man before making your case.

And then, if need be, go put the fear of God in the man.

ed11563 wrote:

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I hope they've got her on The Pill.

 

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 the Pill is so last century.  Implants are the rage!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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NAOW wrote:

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I think I'd invite him over. If he's a creep he will probably come up with excuses not to come and you won't be the bad guy in daughters eyes.

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 I think that's excellent advice!

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 Good idea!

I wondered if he was mentally impaired. Maybe the daughter is as well. Maybe "boys" her own age tease her, for whatever reason.

And MM is right about "forbidden fruit." I think inviting him over will give the impression that the parents are on their DD's side, plus let them check him out.

flan

I'm a little torn on this one. I don't think it's ever a bad thing to be kind. Maybe he's lonely and needs a friend.

On the other hand, I don't doubt for a minute there are predators among us. An abundance of caution is in order. I'd certainly do a little snooping to see if he's on the registry. A low-wage job at 51? If he's "normal" and not mentally challenged or has another obvious reason that he's working in a fast food joint at his age--and he's not the manager--then there's SOMETHING in his past be it drugs or whatever.

While I wouldn't necessarily "forbid" the friendship, especially considering she's 18, I'd be wary of letting her spend any time alone with him.

huskerbb wrote:

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I'm a little torn on this one. I don't think it's ever a bad thing to be kind. Maybe he's lonely and needs a friend.

On the other hand, I don't doubt for a minute there are predators among us. An abundance of caution is in order. I'd certainly do a little snooping to see if he's on the registry. A low-wage job at 51? If he's "normal" and not mentally challenged or has another obvious reason that he's working in a fast food joint at his age--and he's not the manager--then there's SOMETHING in his past be it drugs or whatever.

While I wouldn't necessarily "forbid" the friendship, especially considering she's 18, I'd be wary of letting her spend any time alone with him.

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 An 18 year old with a job and a mode of transportation wont be watched every second of the day. If she wants to spend time alone with this man, she will. There is virtually no way to not "let her spend any time alone with him". 

Mellow Momma wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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I'm a little torn on this one. I don't think it's ever a bad thing to be kind. Maybe he's lonely and needs a friend.

On the other hand, I don't doubt for a minute there are predators among us. An abundance of caution is in order. I'd certainly do a little snooping to see if he's on the registry. A low-wage job at 51? If he's "normal" and not mentally challenged or has another obvious reason that he's working in a fast food joint at his age--and he's not the manager--then there's SOMETHING in his past be it drugs or whatever.

While I wouldn't necessarily "forbid" the friendship, especially considering she's 18, I'd be wary of letting her spend any time alone with him.

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 An 18 year old with a job and a mode of transportation wont be watched every second of the day. If she wants to spend time alone with this man, she will. There is virtually no way to not "let her spend any time alone with him". 

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 Oh, yeah.  At 18 it will be very hard to stop.  

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Maybe he treats her well.

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 Who cares? 

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 They should.

 

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 You are missing the point.  Whether he treats her well or not is irrelevant.  A grown 51 yr old man should have enough sense not to be striking up with a high school junior.

Mary Zombie wrote:

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Agreed. It would be hard to stop. But they can make it as inconvenient or difficult as possible for her. I'm f she's in HS and being supported by them then she can't come and go as she pleases.

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 Yep, it would be hard to stop, and the parent's don't necessarily need to stop it, but they need to be diligent, that is their job as a parents.  Parents usually meet their kids' friends, know the other parents or at least know of the family's reputation, this is no different.  Sure teens like to have friends that their parents don't know, it is part of developing independence.  The parent's should do the background check, perhaps make a visit to the fast food place.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Maybe he treats her well.

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 Who cares? 

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 They should.

 

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 You are missing the point.  Whether he treats her well or not is irrelevant.  A grown 51 yr old man should have enough sense not to be striking up with a high school junior.

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 We don't know the nature of the relationship. 

It is being assumed that the relationship is bad. That he is a predator. 

 

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 No, we don't--but c'mon.  He's not some old family friend who was always around when she grew up or something.  It's unlikely he just wants to be besties with an 18 year old girl.  

huskerbb wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Maybe he treats her well.

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 Who cares? 

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 They should.

 

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 You are missing the point.  Whether he treats her well or not is irrelevant.  A grown 51 yr old man should have enough sense not to be striking up with a high school junior.

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 We don't know the nature of the relationship. 

It is being assumed that the relationship is bad. That he is a predator. 

 

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 No, we don't--but c'mon.  He's not some old family friend who was always around when she grew up or something.  It's unlikely he just wants to be besties with an 18 year old girl.  

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  We don't know but if that was my daughter  I would  check up on his background  to see if he had a sexual  predator record. 

Mellow Momma wrote:

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And what would you do with that info?

Telling the daughter will only make her choose sides. Force her into his camp. Because we all know he will say he was framed, he is innocent, the cops messed up, the cops planted evidence, his ex wanted to screw him over and lied to the cops...a million reasons why he is innocent and misunderstood. She will quit listening to her parents and run right toward him.

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 Depends on what I found.

If there was nothing, I'd talk to her about my concerns. Listen to her. 

If I found something damning, I would present it to her and listen to her.

I have been blessed to have a daughter with an ability to reason. 

But in the end, this young lady is 18. There isn't a whole lot a parent can do.

If the situation was bad, I can promise my brother and a couple of my cousins would be having a little behind the bar reasoning session with the guy. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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There is a lot a parent can do Lilly. If i pay your bills you answer to me. And sorry if he wants a May Dec romance go find someone else.

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 Making her "listen" will drive her right into his arms. "Your parents don't understand you like I do. They are t being fair. They don't trust you like I do. No one knows you like I do."