DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement. He said I should write to you to see what you thought.
When we're in a group, I say it's rude to make plans that don't include others who are standing with us. He has no problem with it. I'm uncomfortable discussing where to go for dinner with four members of a group when others are standing beside us. He says I am too sensitive and too easily embarrassed. What do you think? -- DISAGREEMENT IN OHIO
DEAR DISAGREEMENT: I don't think that you are too sensitive. While discussing where to go for dinner in front of people who haven't been invited isn't "rude," it is insensitive because they may feel excluded.
I think it's rude if you are purposely excluding the other people. However, if (for example) you know the other two people of the group will be on vacation next week and the rest of you discuss plans, I think that's fine.
Good Lord, people are so touchy now-a-days. So people can't talk about their upcoming plans in front of other people? Ridiculous...
No it is rude unless as DG said the people already have made it been known they can't attend. It's akin to having your kid hand out, in class, invites to only a few select classmates. It is rude and disrespectful.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Good Lord, people are so touchy now-a-days. So people can't talk about their upcoming plans in front of other people? Ridiculous...
No it is rude unless as DG said the people already have made it been known they can't attend. It's akin to having your kid hand out, in class, invites to only a few select classmates. It is rude and disrespectful.
People need to grow up.
We were at a bon fire a couple of months ago, and some friends were talking about their upcoming trip to Jamaica. There were 3 out of the 5 couples going on the trip. I didn't get butt-hurt about it. They planned a trip without me. So what?
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Good Lord, people are so touchy now-a-days. So people can't talk about their upcoming plans in front of other people? Ridiculous...
No it is rude unless as DG said the people already have made it been known they can't attend. It's akin to having your kid hand out, in class, invites to only a few select classmates. It is rude and disrespectful.
People need to grow up.
We were at a bon fire a couple of months ago, and some friends were talking about their upcoming trip to Jamaica. There were 3 out of the 5 couples going on the trip. I didn't get butt-hurt about it. They planned a trip without me. So what?
Umm this couple was discussing dinner plans, not a vacation that most people realize are planned well in advance. Makes a huge difference I think.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Good Lord, people are so touchy now-a-days. So people can't talk about their upcoming plans in front of other people? Ridiculous...
No it is rude unless as DG said the people already have made it been known they can't attend. It's akin to having your kid hand out, in class, invites to only a few select classmates. It is rude and disrespectful.
People need to grow up.
We were at a bon fire a couple of months ago, and some friends were talking about their upcoming trip to Jamaica. There were 3 out of the 5 couples going on the trip. I didn't get butt-hurt about it. They planned a trip without me. So what?
Umm this couple was discussing dinner plans, not a vacation that most people realize are planned well in advance. Makes a huge difference I think.
That wouldn't even bother me.
__________________
America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Good Lord, people are so touchy now-a-days. So people can't talk about their upcoming plans in front of other people? Ridiculous...
No it is rude unless as DG said the people already have made it been known they can't attend. It's akin to having your kid hand out, in class, invites to only a few select classmates. It is rude and disrespectful.
People need to grow up.
We were at a bon fire a couple of months ago, and some friends were talking about their upcoming trip to Jamaica. There were 3 out of the 5 couples going on the trip. I didn't get butt-hurt about it. They planned a trip without me. So what?
Umm this couple was discussing dinner plans, not a vacation that most people realize are planned well in advance. Makes a huge difference I think.
Agree. It's the expectations that have been set. If it's something that all people usually participate it, it is rude to talk about it I front of them if you are excluding them.
I'll admit, I've had it happen. I am close with a few women at work. I heard two of them discussing going shopping - an activity I am usually a part of. I was a little put off that they were openly making these plans and didn't say anything to me. However, my friend later explained they were planning to go to a specific store that closed at 6 (and is 45 minutes from us) and they knew I had a late meeting and wouldn't be able to leave in time. Then it completely made sense to me.
I think it depends on the circumstances. As an example, if we have a common activity that we or our children do, and we're talking about that - say a tennis match the kids will play in, I don't think it rude to say "do you want to grab dinner after".
If you are planning just a nice night out, I would not do it around other people I didn't want to invite.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
We were cautious in discussing things around the kids when they were little, but adults?
I mean discussing where you're going to eat is different from bragging where you're going to eat.
I don't know.
I don't think anything about it one way or the other.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
Wouldn't care. I'm not 6 years old. I don't get my feelings hurt about crap like that...
__________________
America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
Wouldn't care. I'm not 6 years old. I don't get my feelings hurt about crap like that...
Most people would I think, be hurt that is. I guess I'm more considerate about peoples feelings than you. Not a dig btw.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
My feelings would be hurt if I was the one not invited. If I was included I would feel awkward for the other person who wasn't.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
For me and my circle of friends, what you describe would not be a problem. Never mind that if plans are being discussed and someone wants to go, they're welcome to open their mouth and say so.
For me, personally, if I was that sixth person, I wouldn't care. I don't have a need or want to be included on everything. I'd say 'have fun' and go on with my life.
Does it bother you that I have a different opinion on this issue?
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
For me and my circle of friends, what you describe would not be a problem. Never mind that if plans are being discussed and someone wants to go, they're welcome to open their mouth and say so.
For me, personally, if I was that sixth person, I wouldn't care. I don't have a need or want to be included on everything. I'd say 'have fun' and go on with my life.
Does it bother you that I have a different opinion on this issue?
No, not at all. I just think differently than you. If I was the sixth person or part of the 5 making plans, I'd not do it in front of the person not invited. Different strokes I guess.
Funny story, last week went out for lunch with 4 friends. As we were leaving one of them said "hey I'll see you at Lisa's party next week" to the group in general.
Well, one person wasn't invited ... a w k w a r d....
Funny story, last week went out for lunch with 4 friends. As we were leaving one of them said "hey I'll see you at Lisa's party next week" to the group in general.
Well, one person wasn't invited ... a w k w a r d....
Funny story, last week went out for lunch with 4 friends. As we were leaving one of them said "hey I'll see you at Lisa's party next week" to the group in general.
Well, one person wasn't invited ... a w k w a r d....
Funny story, last week went out for lunch with 4 friends. As we were leaving one of them said "hey I'll see you at Lisa's party next week" to the group in general.
Well, one person wasn't invited ... a w k w a r d....
Poor Apple, always left out
I cried all the way home, those nasty bitches,...
LOL, I'm picturing a Real Housewives of Canada show with you having a total meltdown.
But I'm sure it was an awkward moment for those invited & the one not.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
For me and my circle of friends, what you describe would not be a problem. Never mind that if plans are being discussed and someone wants to go, they're welcome to open their mouth and say so.
For me, personally, if I was that sixth person, I wouldn't care. I don't have a need or want to be included on everything. I'd say 'have fun' and go on with my life.
Does it bother you that I have a different opinion on this issue?
No, not at all. I just think differently than you. If I was the sixth person or part of the 5 making plans, I'd not do it in front of the person not invited. Different strokes I guess.
Well, you tell your kids not to do it so why would i do that as an adult? I think there is a difference between actively inviting someone and just making conversation about a party your are going to or had gone too. You don't have to hide your life from other people. And, even my kids, you have to understand that we can have things going on with other friends. So, there is a balance there.
Funny story, last week went out for lunch with 4 friends. As we were leaving one of them said "hey I'll see you at Lisa's party next week" to the group in general.
Well, one person wasn't invited ... a w k w a r d....
Poor Apple, always left out
I cried all the way home, those nasty bitches,...
LOL, I'm picturing a Real Housewives of Canada show with you having a total meltdown.
But I'm sure it was an awkward moment for those invited & the one not.
It was awkward and I am sure it was an oversight. At least I hope she was invited, I guess I'll find out this weekend.
I'm with Ohfour on this one. It wouldn't bother me if people were discussing plans that don't include. I don't expect or want to be included on every little thing. Chances are, I'd be too busy chatting with someone else in the group to realize a few of them were making plans.
So, if say six adults are together having coffee or lunch and 5 of them start talking about going to a party at one of their homes, and the sixth person isn't invited or included, that is not rude? or at least thoughtless to discuss in front of the uninvited one?
For me and my circle of friends, what you describe would not be a problem. Never mind that if plans are being discussed and someone wants to go, they're welcome to open their mouth and say so.
For me, personally, if I was that sixth person, I wouldn't care. I don't have a need or want to be included on everything. I'd say 'have fun' and go on with my life.
Does it bother you that I have a different opinion on this issue?
No, not at all. I just think differently than you. If I was the sixth person or part of the 5 making plans, I'd not do it in front of the person not invited. Different strokes I guess.
Well, you tell your kids not to do it so why would i do that as an adult? I think there is a difference between actively inviting someone and just making conversation about a party your are going to or had gone too. You don't have to hide your life from other people. And, even my kids, you have to understand that we can have things going on with other friends. So, there is a balance there.
Yes I agree, it is a balance and it does depend on the circumstances.
Soooo....at the wedding I was at tonight...
There was a table for 8. Patty and her fiance, Dustin and his wife, Dave and his wife, and Me.
Patty, her fiance, Dustin and his wife made plans to grill out and swim tomorrow.
No one got butt hurt....no one cares that they made plans.
Knock yourselves out. Adults dont walk away pouting.
Grow the fvck up and realize that not everything is about you...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Soooo....at the wedding I was at tonight... There was a table for 8. Patty and her fiance, Dustin and his wife, Dave and his wife, and Me. Patty, her fiance, Dustin and his wife made plans to grill out and swim tomorrow. No one got butt hurt....no one cares that they made plans. Knock yourselves out. Adults dont walk away pouting. Grow the fvck up and realize that not everything is about you...
But, Ohfour! You were supposed to get butthurt that they didn't include you!
I cried all the way home, those nasty bitches,... 
