TOTALLY GEEKED!

NAOW · Vette's SS

DD is getting picked on

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I think it is past time to have a talk with the COACH. The mom is only an assistant coach.

NAOW · Vette's SS

That's my feeling, but I wanted an outside opinion to make sure I'm not being a VSS mom

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I would go to the league director. I am on the BOD for my local Girl's Softball League. Behavior such as that is not tolerated, insist something be done before the next game/practice. Give specifics of the behavior of both the girls and the mother.

apple · Guru

Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.

NAOW · Vette's SS

apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.

They really do. I don't get how their mom can witness it and just let it happen.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
I would go to the league director. I am on the BOD for my local Girl's Softball League. Behavior such as that is not tolerated, insist something be done before the next game/practice. Give specifics of the behavior of both the girls and the mother.

I didn't think of that. That is reassuring.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.

I disagree. Asst coach told her to shut up, that is so against the rules. I would actually insist she be removed. That behavior falls under zero tolerance. NAOW could always fill in as ass't coach if they don't have another volunteer.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
I disagree. Asst coach told her to shut up, that is so against the rules. I would actually insist she be removed. That behavior falls under zero tolerance. NAOW could always fill in as ass't coach if they don't have another volunteer.

Oh no. DD told the girl to Shut up. The mom/asst coach, just reprimanded her.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

NAOW wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
I disagree. Asst coach told her to shut up, that is so against the rules. I would actually insist she be removed. That behavior falls under zero tolerance. NAOW could always fill in as ass't coach if they don't have another volunteer.
Oh no. DD told the girl to Shut up. The mom/asst coach, just reprimanded her.

Ahh, so sorry, reading comprehension and all. I would still tell the BOD/Director about the behavior and how the mother does nothing to stop it. The girls should not be allowed to play.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

There is power in numbers.

Can you get another parent who sees this to go talk to the coach with you?

But for sure say something.

Heck, I'd probably be in that mom's face.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

If you go to the coach and describe specific instances like you did with us he/ she should listen. Also the other moms might be brave enough to come forward after that, as I'm sure they have similar complaints.

-- Edited by VetteGirl on Friday 10th of June 2016 01:42:46 PM

NAOW · Vette's SS

I know some other parents are in agreement that these girls are not nice, but I don't think they target anyone besides DD. DD seems to think they only target her because of her friendship with their step sister.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
NAOW wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
I disagree. Asst coach told her to shut up, that is so against the rules. I would actually insist she be removed. That behavior falls under zero tolerance. NAOW could always fill in as ass't coach if they don't have another volunteer.
Oh no. DD told the girl to Shut up. The mom/asst coach, just reprimanded her.
Ahh, so sorry, reading comprehension and all. I would still tell the BOD/Director about the behavior and how the mother does nothing to stop it. The girls should not be allowed to play.

Would you go straight to the Director or give the Coach a chance to fix it first?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

You've gotten some good advice.

Let us know what happens?

flan

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I'm not IKWTD, but I personally would go to the coach first. Chain of command and all. But I'll admit I'm not an expert in kid's sports politics lol

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I do actually have a spork in my house!

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

NAOW wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
NAOW wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
I disagree. Asst coach told her to shut up, that is so against the rules. I would actually insist she be removed. That behavior falls under zero tolerance. NAOW could always fill in as ass't coach if they don't have another volunteer.
Oh no. DD told the girl to Shut up. The mom/asst coach, just reprimanded her.
Ahh, so sorry, reading comprehension and all. I would still tell the BOD/Director about the behavior and how the mother does nothing to stop it. The girls should not be allowed to play.
Would you go straight to the Director or give the Coach a chance to fix it first?

If you have the email for both, send an email to the coach, and Cc the Director. You don't want to give the coach the chance to place this on the back burner, the league will want to know if the BOD are worth anything. Also a copy of the players' rules should be available on their website, that would be handy for pointing out violations.

Tell them the specifics, what your concerns are, even the "gossip" from other parents. Tell them firmly that your daughter is on that team and you EXPECT that she is treated fairly as all the team members should be and that not one more instance will be tolerated. Also, insist that those two girls be suspended immediately from the team if that is a result of bad behavior in the league rules. And remind them of confidentiality rules, meaning, they shouldn't go around wagging their tongues about who complained.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

VetteGirl wrote:
I'm not IKWTD, but I personally would go to the coach first. Chain of command and all. But I'll admit I'm not an expert in kid's sports politics lol

Coaches dont' typically care and really are relieved when someone else is made responsible. At least not coaches at this level.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I'd start with the coach but let her know that if nothing is done quickly you will go to the director. Good luck. Mean girls really do suck. And it sounds like the mother is the ring leader.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

You just have to word it a bit more nicer than I did. But stay firm.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I'm not IKWTD, but I personally would go to the coach first. Chain of command and all. But I'll admit I'm not an expert in kid's sports politics lol
Coaches dont' typically care and really are relieved when someone else is made responsible. At least not coaches at this level.

This is probably true, coaches maybe aren't as prepared to deal with stuff like this

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lexxy wrote:
I'd start with the coach but let her know that if nothing is done quickly you will go to the director. Good luck. Mean girls really do suck. And it sounds like the mother is the ring leader.

Well if she starts with the coach first and not let the BOD know, the coach will most likely spill the beans to the asst coach and that could result in the ass coach, pun intended, telling her girls. The girls would make NAOW dd's life miserable.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
I'd start with the coach but let her know that if nothing is done quickly you will go to the director. Good luck. Mean girls really do suck. And it sounds like the mother is the ring leader.
Well if she starts with the coach first and not let the BOD know, the coach will most likely spill the beans to the asst coach and that could result in the ass coach, pun intended, telling her girls. The girls would make NAOW dd's life miserable.

Good point. I was posting this before your very informational post was showing. After reading it I think your advice is spot on. Nip this thing swiftly. The ass coach is obviously enabling her means girls' behavior.

My heart breaks for the step sister. They must make her life a living hell.

TrudyML · Guru

And may I add? The coach may be looking for something just like this to be rid of the Mom.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I really like the main coach. He is great and DD loves him and wants to stay on this team. I think he may not see it since a lot of it happens in the dugout, where, coincidentally, the Asst coach hangs out with the girls.

I'm going to look up the rules and talk it over with DH and decide where to go from there.

NAOW · Vette's SS

TrudyML wrote:
And may I add? The coach may be looking for something just like this to be rid of the Mom.

One can only hope!

TrudyML · Guru

I've seen it happen. Do nothing asst. except for her daughters. She needs to go. That poor step sister.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

I hope it all works out okay, NAOW.

Keep us posted!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

NAOW wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
And may I add? The coach may be looking for something just like this to be rid of the Mom.
One can only hope!

That is usually the case. Believe me, your DD is not the only one who has had problems with these girls and the mother.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

NAOW wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
They really do. I don't get how their mom can witness it and just let it happen.

They got their behavior from somewhere.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I feel really bad for the step-sister. Her life must be hell. :(

NAOW · Vette's SS

just Czech wrote:
I feel really bad for the step-sister. Her life must be hell. :(

Actually she seems really confident and has no problem standing up to them, so I wonder if their (the sisters) dad and step mom keep their behavior in check better than their mom does.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
They really do. I don't get how their mom can witness it and just let it happen.
They got their behavior from somewhere.

Exactly!

apple · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
They really do. I don't get how their mom can witness it and just let it happen.
They got their behavior from somewhere.

True that. I went through this with my DD when she was 8 years old.

Keep in mind, my girl went through chemotherapy for years after being diagnosed with Leukemia, she was and is a little bit of a thing. And I think I am more protective of her than I should be.

BUT, when I heard she was being bullied by Angela the BIG 10 year old, I wanted to immediately go to the school and punch Big Angela in the face.

Then after speaking with the principal I was told that Big Angela comes from a very dysfunctional family and is most likely herself abused... etc. The principal and teachers managed to get things straightened out.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I just went through the rules, and all it says is a blanket statement about ' good sportsman' behavior and no swearing.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

NAOW wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I feel really bad for the step-sister. Her life must be hell. :(
Actually she seems really confident and has no problem standing up to them, so I wonder if their (the sisters) dad and step mom keep their behavior in check better than their mom does.

Sorry, I am confused, the mean girls mom is the assistant coach, but the mean girls are step-sisters to the girl your DD sits beside. So, the girl your DD sits by does not live with the mean girls, right? confuse

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

NAOW wrote:
I just went through the rules, and all it says is a blanket statement about ' good sportsman' behavior and no swearing.

Picking on your teammates is not good sportsmanship in my book.

NAOW · Vette's SS

just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I feel really bad for the step-sister. Her life must be hell. :(
Actually she seems really confident and has no problem standing up to them, so I wonder if their (the sisters) dad and step mom keep their behavior in check better than their mom does.
Sorry, I am confused, the mean girls mom is the assistant coach, but the mean girls are step-sisters to the girl your DD sits beside. So, the girl your DD sits by does not live with the mean girls, right?

Yea, I believe so. The step sister is their Dad's wife's daughter. So I assume they live with her some of the time, but the mom/assistant coach has no relation to her.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lexxy wrote:
NAOW wrote:
I just went through the rules, and all it says is a blanket statement about ' good sportsman' behavior and no swearing.
Picking on your teammates is not good sportsmanship in my book.

Oh I agree, just nothing specific about anything in the rules.

NAOW · Vette's SS

apple wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
NAOW wrote:
apple wrote:
Mean girls suck. It is heartbreaking when a child goes through this. :( I feel sorry for you and your DD, its awful.

I agree, you really should talk to the coach but in all honesty, I don't know how much good it will do.
They really do. I don't get how their mom can witness it and just let it happen.
They got their behavior from somewhere.
True that. I went through this with my DD when she was 8 years old.
Keep in mind, my girl went through chemotherapy for years after being diagnosed with Leukemia, she was and is a little bit of a thing. And I think I am more protective of her than I should be.
BUT, when I heard she was being bullied by Angela the BIG 10 year old, I wanted to immediately go to the school and punch Big Angela in the face.
Then after speaking with the principal I was told that Big Angela comes from a very dysfunctional family and is most likely herself abused... etc. The principal and teachers managed to get things straightened out.

Oh that is sad. I'm glad it worked out for your daughter.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Jojo is just a little bit of a thing, too. We are signing her up for martial arts in the fall.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

NAOW wrote:
just Czech wrote:
NAOW wrote:
just Czech wrote:
I feel really bad for the step-sister. Her life must be hell. :(
Actually she seems really confident and has no problem standing up to them, so I wonder if their (the sisters) dad and step mom keep their behavior in check better than their mom does.
Sorry, I am confused, the mean girls mom is the assistant coach, but the mean girls are step-sisters to the girl your DD sits beside. So, the girl your DD sits by does not live with the mean girls, right?
Yea, I believe so. The step sister is their Dad's wife's daughter. So I assume they live with her some of the time, but the mom/assistant coach has no relation to her.

Oh, TG the poor girl doesn't have to live with that woman. Mean momma needs a serious slap up the back of her head and dad needs to have a serious talk with his daughters.

apple · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Jojo is just a little bit of a thing, too. We are signing her up for martial arts in the fall.

That is a great idea.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

NAOW wrote:
I just went through the rules, and all it says is a blanket statement about ' good sportsman' behavior and no swearing.

They made it general and I would be firm with the league that two girls ganging up on a teammate is NOT good sportsmanship behavior.

NAOW · Vette's SS

So I think I am going to send an email to the coach, possible CC the director. Wanna help me? (names have been changed)

Hi Coach,

I am writing to you about issues Addy has been having with Rachel and Amanda. All season Addy has been coming home from practices and games to tell us of their 'not nice' conduct towards her(ie. Calling names, excluding her, telling her she is not good at whatever the team was practicing). At first, DH and I just brushed it off as normal kid behavior and instructed Addy to ignore them. When it continued we gave her some phrases to use (ie. Please don't talk to me like that, leave me alone, mind your own business) but as time goes by, it is not getting better and seems to be escalating. At last Tuesday's game (June 7) she was sitting next to K.K. in the dugout and Rachel was relentless in telling her that she could not sit there, she had to move, and she wasn't allowed to sit by K.K., until Addy snapped and told her to shut up. Dani reprimanded Addy right away and she was very upset, not only that she got in trouble, but also that she lost her temper. She was put into a position of having to obey Rachel and move away from her friend to sit by herself, or have to sit and deal with Rachel tormenting her. She didn't feel like there was a solution that wouldn't get her into trouble.

Furthermore, this morning she confided in me that K.K. is the only one who will sit by her because Rachel and Amanda tell anyone who goes near her to stay away because she has lice and is gross (If you recall, she did have lice, but it was treated and gone before returning to practice). She also told me that they have told other teammates not to be her friend because she hits her friends (no idea where they got that, but it is untrue). This is where I think their behavior crosses the line and is unacceptable.

Addy loves playing on your team and really enjoys having you as a coach, but we are concerned that she is being ostracized from her teammates by these two girls and we do not want it to affect her or her enjoyment of the sport.

Lastly, I am becoming less comfortable with Dani being in a 'coach' position, as I feel it might contribute to her daughters' actions going unchecked and allows them to feel entitled to treat their teammates in this manner.

Please help me in making sure Addy is treated fairly. With it being '2 against 1' so to speak, it will be more difficult for Addy to handle on her own.

Anything I should change? Or add?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I think you should put something like, "I'm also concerned about this lack of sportsmanship and how it is dividing the team. And this seems to go against the spirit of the rules of the league regarding good sportsmanship" Perhaps right after you say you don't want it to affect her enjoyment of the sport.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
I think you should put something like, "I'm also concerned about this lack of sportsmanship and how it is dividing the team. And this seems to go against the spirit of the rules of the league regarding good sportsmanship" Perhaps right after you say you don't want it to affect her enjoyment of the sport.

That is perfect. Thanks

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Go LL & get it all legaled up!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, i don't want to be the voice of dissent here, but honestly, i doubt you will see much change. Yes, by all means, file a complaint and try to make some waves. But, honestly most of these people aren't going to change their stripes. And, you can complain to the head coach and maybe that will make a dent. But, it may change for a week or two and then go back to the way it was.
Personally, my dd has gone thru something similar. Her elementary bball team has a girl on it who played under the boards with my dd. And, this girl did everything she could do to try to ostracize my daughter. She would tell my daughter 'you have no friends' and make those type of comments. Then we would find out the girls had a party and DD wasnt' invited, etc. It all came to a head at the start of 7th grade when dd went to lunch on the first day of school and there was no "room" at the lunch table for her. So, she said, fine and she formed a new group of friends and she is over there tonight having a cookout and sleepover. And, that was when DD decided to do the travel team. Once they saw her on the travel team, then she got even more schit for not being loyal to the "team" blah, blah. This travel team has nothing to do with the school league but they also have a travel team and she played on it the year prior. Well, this year, when they finished, they were all asking my daughter to please come and play their last tournament with their team, which she did.
I guess my point is that you just need to teach your DD that some people are simply Aholes. And, that absolutely, stand up for yourself. And, telling her to Shut Up was a good thing. And, in real life and work , we all have to deal and work with Aholes and it is the same with teams. Sometimes you just have to play with people you don't like, but you go out and play hard and do your work but realize, they ain't your friends.