TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tangerine · Guru

A question

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I'd look her in the eye a tell her if she can't see the stadium sized, red flashing NO over this guy, then don't come crying to me when he's gone and there's no child support.

He's a loser.

He doesn't work because he owes child support.

He's a loser.

No way would I sugar coat that for a friend.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Will she listen to the truth?

flan

NAOW · Vette's SS

Run!

NAOW · Vette's SS

Honestly I don't know. I think she probably doesn't want to her it.

I'm jaded right now though. A girl I know just announced her pregnancy with her boyfriend of 3 months, who has a well known history of controlling, jealous, and borderline abusive behavior. But he has 'an amazing relationship with God' so apparently that stuff doesn't matter.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
Honestly I don't know. I think she probably doesn't want to her it.

I'm jaded right now though. A girl I know just announced her pregnancy with her boyfriend of 3 months, who has a well known history of controlling, jealous, and borderline abusive behavior. But he has 'an amazing relationship with God' so apparently that stuff doesn't matter.

I would think that his God would want him to respect women.

flan

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

If he's the best boyfriend she's had then I'd hate to see the previous ones. He's using her.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Sorry, for my negativity on your thread..

Tell her in order to make her relationship with him work, they need to get his divorce finalized, especially before starting their family. They need to get their finances in order (he probably needs a job) because we all know money troubles are big source of stress in relationships. Once those are figured out, then she is on her way to beginning a strong, healthy relationship.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I would tell her it is a really bad idea. He already has 5 children he doesn't support. Leopards don't change their spots & Peter Pans never grow up.

Tangerine · Guru

NAOW wrote:
Sorry, for my negativity on your thread..

Tell her in order to make her relationship with him work, they need to get his divorce finalized, especially before starting their family. They need to get their finances in order (he probably needs a job) because we all know money troubles are big source of stress in relationships. Once those are figured out, then she is on her way to beginning a strong, healthy relationship.

This is all really good advice. Thanks.

I've said most of this to her during the time they have been together.

She doesn't seem to be listening.

Gem, he really is the best boyfriend she's had in the way that he treats her. Her other boyfriends were not nice to her at all. The most recent ex was particularly bad. They did have jobs and didn't owe child support, but they were really nasty people.

This guy is a really great person who is nice, but all that other stuff about him is problematic.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

If he has been unemployed for 20 years then there is little to no chance he wants to work. Even if he did, he won't be making a living wage. Does she want to support her child and him, can she even afford that? If not, she needs to move on.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Does he know she's trying to get pregnant?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Tangerine wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Sorry, for my negativity on your thread..

Tell her in order to make her relationship with him work, they need to get his divorce finalized, especially before starting their family. They need to get their finances in order (he probably needs a job) because we all know money troubles are big source of stress in relationships. Once those are figured out, then she is on her way to beginning a strong, healthy relationship.

This is all really good advice. Thanks.
I've said most of this to her during the time they have been together.
She doesn't seem to be listening.

Gem, he really is the best boyfriend she's had in the way that he treats her. Her other boyfriends were not nice to her at all. The most recent ex was particularly bad. They did have jobs and didn't owe child support, but they were really nasty people.
This guy is a really great person who is nice, but all that other stuff about him is problematic.

Perhaps you need a different approach.

Start asking her "eye opening" questions.

How often does he see his kids?

How much is his child support?

How does he pay it?

Why isn't he divorced?

Has she ever met these other women?

Why doesn't he work?

If you ask the right questions in the right way, she may start wanting answers.

Personally, your friend seems like she attracts a certain type if this is the best boyfriend she has ever had.

Perhaps she needs to realize her worth. She needs a self esteem boost.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I'm probably a lot older than your friend but even when I was in my mid 30's my #1 deal breaker was a guy that was still married. I don't care why the divorce isn't final. Married is still married.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She probably won't "listen" no matter what you tell her.

Tangerine · Guru

Southern_Belle wrote:
Does he know she's trying to get pregnant?

Yes.

Tangerine · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
She probably won't "listen" no matter what you tell her.

Probably not.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Tangerine wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
Does he know she's trying to get pregnant?
Yes.

He doesn't care because he hasn't supported his other kids.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Tangerine wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
Does he know she's trying to get pregnant?
Yes.

And he doesn't care because he takes no responsibility for his other kids and expects her to raise the kid both emotionally and financially. But you know this. She is acting desperate as though there is no one out there that will love her.

Tangerine · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Tangerine wrote:
Southern_Belle wrote:
Does he know she's trying to get pregnant?
Yes.
And he doesn't care because he takes no responsibility for his other kids and expects her to raise the kid both emotionally and financially. But you know this. She is acting desperate as though there is no one out there that will love her.

I don't know what he did or didn't do for his kids. They seem to like him and spend time with him. The oldest is six years younger than my friend. They spend time together, my guess is that he was not a horrible father.

Lindley · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
I would tell her it is a really bad idea. He already has 5 children he doesn't support. Leopards don't change their spots & Peter Pans never grow up.

I agree. Yes he may be nice to her,she's his meal ticket with benefits.Like njn said She most likely won't listen. I could never understand why some women not only settle for losers but also want to bring a innocent baby into their one way relationships.

ed11563 · Guru

She should talk / meet with each of his other baby-mamas, and ask how life's been, raising kids alone.