. Should I wave the white flag?: Two months ago, I met someone wonderful and we stayed up talking until sunrise. He lives far away and we don’t know where this is going but we are both pleasantly surprised. I’m thrilled at how open-minded he is; he’s an Army guy who builds guns and I’m a Bernie supporter with a masters in global affairs, but we just get each other. Last night he sent me a photo and it was the first time I let myself see that he has two tattered flags tattooed on his chest: the American flag and the Confederate flag with a particular animal in front of each. (This is apparently a common tattoo.) Our relationship is already a long shot but I really am impressed by him and want to be open to his explanation that this isn’t in support of the Confederacy (how?). Is there any world where this isn’t doomed? FYI, I’m black, he’s white and I don’t want to ask my family or close friends for fear that if he and I can continue they would have a hard time putting that knowledge aside.
A: I think you have to ask yourself how much time you’d spend giving a Confederate flag tattoo the benefit of the doubt if it weren’t attached to someone you’re trying very hard to convince yourself you have a future with. If this were just someone walking down the street, would your first thought be, “This man who feels strongly enough about the Confederate flag to have it permanently affixed to his body probably doesn’t have positive feelings towards the actual, historical Confederacy, for some reason”? I’m worried you’ll try so hard to be “open” to whatever justification he has (he just loves history in a way that conveniently divorces symbols from any meaningful context?) you’ll swallow just about anything he offers you by way of explanation. The fact that you’re trying to keep this information from everyone else in your life because you know they’d question whether this is the right person for you is also troubling. Most great relationships don’t start off by keeping tattoo secrets. Ask him about it—he obviously wants you to since he sent you a picture of it, rather than waiting for you to see it by accident—and think seriously about what answer, if any, could make you feel comfortable with it.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
LDRs are difficult enough when people are like-minded. Personally, why intentionally put yourself in a difficult relationship when there are so many obvious differences at the onset.
I think it's quite understandable for a black woman interested in a white man to be concerned about a confederate flag tattoo and how her family might react to to it.
That being said - if the man was really a racist, I doubt seriously he'd be entertaining a relationship with a Bernie supporting, liberal black woman.
For southern men, the confederate flag is indeed a symbol of historical pride - she needs to talk to him about it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I think it's quite understandable for a black woman interested in a white man to be concerned about a confederate flag tattoo and how her family might react to to it.
That being said - if the man was really a racist, I doubt seriously he'd be entertaining a relationship with a Bernie supporting, liberal black woman.
For southern men, the confederate flag is indeed a symbol of historical pride - she needs to talk to him about it.
Sometimes men are interested only in the SEX, and the conquest.
If he's a racist, at some point he will disappear .
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
