Q. My wealthy family allowed me to be a homeless teen: When I was a teen, my mother threw me out for getting in the way of her drug-dealing boyfriend. I hopped from couch to couch until I ran out of couches. I slept in my car until it was towed. And then I slept in alleyways, behind dumpsters, and in parks because of the lack of shelters in my area. I even checked myself into a psych ward just for a warm bed and food; I was suicidal, but it was the least of my problems. I had plenty of family with big houses and extra rooms, but no one would allow me to stay. They are the type of people who think these things only happen if you deserve them. Not old enough to sign a lease, I stayed homeless for years, struggling to keep jobs. I feel I had to fight for my life entirely on my own when it would have been nothing for someone to offer me their guest room. I’ve been back on my feet for five years now and live a comfortable life. My family has continued our relationship without missing a beat. I don’t hold a grudge, but sometimes when I visit them, I feel this seething resentment bubble up, especially during the holidays. My fiancé thinks I might be happier cutting ties but understands that I have so little family that I cling to those I do have. I’m at a loss at what to do.
A: Cutting ties with family members, even deeply flawed ones, is a drastic move, and if you don’t think that it would make you substantially happier and healthier, you don’t have to do it. Maybe keeping them at arms’ length—calling every once in a while and getting together for lunch when you’re in town, rather than staying overnight during the holidays—will help you to feel more in control of the terms of your relationship. It may be that, at some point, you will want to have a conversation with your parents about your resentments about the past. If you do choose to go this route, by the way, I recommend seeing a therapist first so you can figure out your goals and expectations for any such conversation, and how you’d likely handle their possible responses. It’s unlikely, after years of radio silence about the subject, that they’d immediately recognize and apologize for their neglect and indifference to your plight, but for your own mental health, you might find the conversation necessary regardless.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I don't buy the story. If the mother kicked the kid out because of a drug dealing BF why did the kid not let the family know that was going on? I bet someone would have taken the kid in. There is more to this sob story than revealed.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I don't know some women will let their new boyfriends move in with them even though the bf has a sexual predictor record and the women has children.
That's not the part I am not buying. What I am not buying is that is the only reason the relatives turned their backs. My guess is the kid was no good as well.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
If the kid was underage, he could have had a warm bed and food at the expense of the state.
I call bull.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't know some women will let their new boyfriends move in with them even though the bf has a sexual predictor record and the women has children.
That's not the part I am not buying. What I am not buying is that is the only reason the relatives turned their backs. My guess is the kid was no good as well.
If the kid was "no good" all the more reason why someone should have taken her in - to try and help her. It's easy to help the kids who behave. Its the kids who struggle who actually NEED the help.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I think this does happen. Just because there are resources doesn't mean that kids don't fall through the cracks. And, in a more wealthy family, nobody may really understand there is a problem as people sometimes are good at keeping up appearances.
