TOTALLY GEEKED!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

You knew this was going to happen

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We're having family only. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I understand that great Aunt Sue wants to come but we've decided to have immediate family only.

I know it would mean a lot to you to bring your boss/boyfriend/cousin but we've decided to have immediate family only.

Divine Geek · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
A wedding etiquette question.
We agreed a while back that we want a small wedding, only immediate family (which would be less than 20 people), but that's proving to be more difficult than I thought.
Everyone I've told (my mom, his mom, his stepmom and my sister), have thought of someone else they want to invite or should be invited. How do we get around this without being rude? Or are we obligated to invite everyone who wants to come? So far I've just said "well it's still a ways away and no plans are set in stone yet."
And I know the obvious response is just to "man up" and set boundaries, but this is family and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings :(

You're going to hurt someone's feelings. That's pretty unavoidable. Just do your best to make sure it's not your feelings. Make the best decision for you and your finance, then stick to it.

NAOW · Vette's SS

"aw, I would love for so and so to come, but we are keeping it really small"

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

"The venue is too small"

"We can't afford that many"

"No"

"We have to draw the line some where"

"I don't really know them"

"We only want immediate family"

"We eloped, want to see the pictures?"

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Those are good NJN and NAOW, it sounds as nice as possible :p

DG I knoooowww but I don't want to hurt feelings!

Vette · Owl drink to that!

We thought about eloping but I don't really want to do that, I want to do something even if it's small.

I just feel like we're being selfish to not want to invite everyone. My sister says a wedding is not about the couple it's about the guests and what they want.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Your sister is wrong.

A wedding is about the couple entering a life long commitment to one another.

A wedding is one day.

A marriage is a lifetime.

Plan the wedding YOU and your fiance want.

It doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be.

karl271 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Your sister is wrong.

A wedding is about the couple entering a life long commitment to one another.

A wedding is one day.

A marriage is a lifetime.

Plan the wedding YOU and your fiance want.

It doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be.

I agree completely with Lily. And I hope your wedding is this way. Unfortunately it seems that for a lot of people the commitment is only until they find someone better or get tired of the relationship or discover who the other person really is (after a short courtship).

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

"We'll think about that" when told you should invite so-and-so.
"We've already reached our maximum number."
"Here is the list of people we want to invite. You want to invite Great Aunt Tilly? Then whom should we cut from our list?"

You do NOT have to increase the size of your wedding to please someone else.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I am, of course, scrapping this rule when it comes to you guys. ANYONE here is welcome to drop in!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

VetteGirl wrote:
I am, of course, scrapping this rule when it comes to you guys. ANYONE here is welcome to drop in!

Like you could stop us.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

VetteGirl wrote:
We thought about eloping but I don't really want to do that, I want to do something even if it's small.

I just feel like we're being selfish to not want to invite everyone. My sister says a wedding is not about the couple it's about the guests and what they want.

It's not that you don't want to invite everyone, it is you have chosen a small intimate setting with immediate family. Nothing rude or selfish about that.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

VetteGirl wrote:
We thought about eloping but I don't really want to do that, I want to do something even if it's small.

I just feel like we're being selfish to not want to invite everyone. My sister says a wedding is not about the couple it's about the guests and what they want.

Your sister is sightly correct. You do need to be concerned with your guest's comfort, but your guests do not get to decide who is invited and how large the event is.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Don't let anyone pressure you into inviting more people than you want. It's perfectly fine to say no.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
We thought about eloping but I don't really want to do that, I want to do something even if it's small.

I just feel like we're being selfish to not want to invite everyone. My sister says a wedding is not about the couple it's about the guests and what they want.
Your sister is sightly correct. You do need to be concerned with your guest's comfort, but your guests do not get to decide who is invited and how large the event is.

But that means they have a place to sit and air conditioning and some food.

Not that they get to tell you what or how to do.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Vette - you are just going to have to be firm. "We want this small and intimate with only those closest to us. That's who we want to share the day with."

And don't cave.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Vette, find a wedding planner.

Someone that will be your shield.

You tell the planner what you want.

The planner makes sure you get it.

Then any time someone makes a suggestion you can say "I'll bring it up with my planner".

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Wait what?? Vetters is getting MARRIED?
Not to the BF that didn't know how to treat a magnificent lady like yourself I hope? Or did he smarten up a bit?

Ohfour · Hooker

Ooh ooh!!!! I'm a wedding planner...and a tough one at that. I've had to put MOBs and MOGs firmly in their place. I'm good at that!

FNW · Guru

Stop discussing your wedding plans with your family. Just stop. Remind them that it will be the immediate family only, and you will let them know where and when and that's it.

My parents knew nothing about my wedding to DH. My mother wasn't happy about that. But she lived 3,000 miles away, so it was easy. My father didn't even know if he was walking me down the aisle. He stood there and I asked if he was ready and he asked if he should sit down and I said you'd better walk me down or else! He said he didn't know and I said I assumed and shame on him for thinking I would not want him to! My mother was delighted with the flowers, harpist, food, etc. After our wedding "weekend", she admitted it was one of the best weekends she had ever had.

I find that people are only disappointed if expectations aren't met. The less known, the less expectation they will have, and the happier everyone will be. And you won't get all that "advice."

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Just do what my cousin's daughter did; invite people, tell them to either bring a food item or contribute toward the food, and then show up 2 hours late while your guests sat around in the hot sun waiting.

Mary Zombie · Guru

I've never understood worrying about who's invited to someone else's wedding. Seriously. Just tell them it's immediate family only. Lather rinse repeat. They'll get over it.

Mary Zombie · Guru

And I agree with FNW. Don't discuss wedding plans. Just tell them you have it under control.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Hee Hee

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from "Wishing for Comfortable Shoes" and wondered why the mother of the bride is dictating what the bride should be wearing. This is the bride and groom's special day -- not the mother's. Mother needs to lighten up, or she not only will spoil the bride's entire day, but also everyone at the affair will notice how miserable the bride is. That's not a healthy way to start off a marriage.

I married 3 1/2 years ago. I wore a beautiful white dress with plain white sneakers, and replaced the shoelaces with blue ribbon that matched the dresses worn by my bridesmaids. And I was comfortable the entire day. -- COMFORTABLE IN DELAWARE

I cannot imagine Vette wearing sneakers to her wedding!

FNW · Guru

I ditched underwear when I got married. I didn't want any lines, and had the seamstress build a strapless bra into the dress. My brother was helping my bustle up my train (it was a French bustle and he was the only one who could figure it out) and I warned him not to lift the back too high when he was searching for the buttons/hooks. My sMIL thought I was just joking, but my brother knew me better than that.

TrudyML · Guru

Ugh, dealing with the same thing. Everyone expects an invite. We may venture down to city hall.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Hee Hee

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from "Wishing for Comfortable Shoes" and wondered why the mother of the bride is dictating what the bride should be wearing. This is the bride and groom's special day -- not the mother's. Mother needs to lighten up, or she not only will spoil the bride's entire day, but also everyone at the affair will notice how miserable the bride is. That's not a healthy way to start off a marriage.

I married 3 1/2 years ago. I wore a beautiful white dress with plain white sneakers, and replaced the shoelaces with blue ribbon that matched the dresses worn by my bridesmaids. And I was comfortable the entire day. -- COMFORTABLE IN DELAWARE

I cannot imagine Vette wearing sneakers to her wedding!

Um, NO. I was actually thinking about wearing totally off the wall bright gaudy heels

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I'm going to take the advice of stop talking to people about it, seems like a good plan

Oughttabeworking · Regular

VetteGirl wrote:
We thought about eloping but I don't really want to do that, I want to do something even if it's small.

I just feel like we're being selfish to not want to invite everyone. My sister says a wedding is not about the couple it's about the guests and what they want.

Your sister is wrong. It is YOUR wedding, not hers, not the other guests'. Do what makes you happy. Don't make excuses if you can avoid it. Just say no, or that won't work, or no. Then, have the wedding that you and your fiancé want.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

OBW, can we just double up and have a labyrinth themed wedding?

You can be Sarah and I'll be the junk lady!

Oughttabeworking · Regular

That sounds awesome! Maybe the goblin king will finally come and take me away... I'm not nice enough to be Sarah, though. I will have to be a fairy or something. They bite.

Back on topic, I had a reasonably similar discussion recently. I have three cousins, but am only close to two of them. We are trying to limit our guest list to 40 (geeks excluded, of course) so I'm not inviting the one I'm not close to. Since they are siblings, my mom disagreed with my decision--hurt feelings and all that. I could cave and invite her, since I doubt she would come, but I don't really want her kids there anyway (they are too VSS for me to tolerate for any length of time) and I don't want to take the chance that they would come. So I just said no. My mom was unhappy, but I just told her that it's my wedding day and I'm only inviting the people I actually want to share it with. Anyone who doesn't like that is free to RSVP "No". She dropped the topic after that.

FNW · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
I'm going to take the advice of stop talking to people about it, seems like a good plan

It's hard, because it's an exciting time, but it's your time and you'd be better off sharing with us rather than your "IRL" peeps.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Wait - where is the thread with all my dresses? Um, I mean Vette's dresses .....

Cheerios4606 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
"The venue is too small"

"We can't afford that many"

"No"

"We have to draw the line some where"

"I don't really know them"

"We only want immediate family"

"We eloped, want to see the pictures?"

Giggled at the last one.

Yeah... work hard at saying the same thing over and over. "Sorry, this is for family only. I realize bob is your significant other, but I am keeping this as fair and standard across the board... family only. So just as John cant bring is girlfriend of 5 years, you wont be able to bring your boyfriend of 6 months. This is the best way to keep the ceremony small how we want it. Sorry, did I stutter? Family only."

Divine Geek · Guru

VetteGirl wrote:
I'm going to take the advice of stop talking to people about it, seems like a good plan

Except me, right??

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Divine Geek wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I'm going to take the advice of stop talking to people about it, seems like a good plan
Except me, right??

ESPECIALLY you evileye