DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old mother is living in a small town with little to offer her. She says the only reason she stays is because her job provides benefits and she's currently going through physical therapy.
Mom is single, has no potential prospects and no social life outside of church. Her friends are all married or have moved away. I feel like she's not living her life fully, and I wish she could find the courage to leave. How can I convince her to be OK with the unknown and move to the big city? -- CITY GAL IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR CITY GAL: Does your mother plan to be receiving physical therapy in perpetuity? If not, be patient. Wait until it is finished and find out whether her job offers vacation time. If it does, invite her to visit and show her what the big city has to offer.
If she can't get away, you may have to "entice" her by sending her videos of all the fun things she could be doing if she lived closer. I can't guarantee it will work because it's possible she's happy with her life the way it is. However, if she's not, it might be an effective way to whet her appetite.
Maybe she likes her life and doesn't have to live it to please anyone but herself.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Yeah, maybe she doesnt' want to move. I live in a small town. It probably looks 'boring" to people who live in the city. But, we tube down the river, have fires, go to Friday night football games and on and on. Works for me.
Mom is 62 and has a job that is providing benefits for her physical therapy. I'm quite certain that's a good reason to stay right where she is - at least until retirement.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Well, at least she cares about her mom and wants to spend time with her. So, instead, how about planning some things to do in the city with mom? She doesn't have to live there to come and visit and do some things.
Well, at least she cares about her mom and wants to spend time with her. So, instead, how about planning some things to do in the city with mom? She doesn't have to live there to come and visit and do some things.
Mom may be perfectly happy with her job and her church. The only reason DH's parents won't move south by us is b/c his mother won't leave her church. But, regardless, just because the daughter doesn't understand the appeal of small town living doesn't mean the mom is unhappy with it. Daughter could visit her there, too, since mom is in physical therapy. Having visits from her daughter might help with the boredom she's so sure mom suffers from.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Tried to get my mother to move up into Minnesota where she could be closer to the grandkids, etc. Not a chance. She was bound and determined to stay in the town where she had been born and raised, had her church, etc. No reason to force a person to move, especially if she/he would be miserable after the move. Making new friends is not so easy for some people, especially those who are older...
Mom is probably living the good life, wild parties, etc. and just doesn't tell her daughter because she doesn't want her visiting and ruining everything.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I'm sure San Francisco is amazing. It is on my bucket list to visit but you couldn't pay me to live in the city. Any city. Mom can come visit & have a lovely time but still not move there.
I think when your parents get older you start to worry about them and want them closer so you can help them and make sure they get to the dr.and that their needs are taken care of. It was a huge relief when my sister and her husband moved closer to my parents.
I'm sure San Francisco is amazing. It is on my bucket list to visit but you couldn't pay me to live in the city. Any city. Mom can come visit & have a lovely time but still not move there.
I'm sure San Francisco is amazing. It is on my bucket list to visit but you couldn't pay me to live in the city. Any city. Mom can come visit & have a lovely time but still not move there.
Total blast! Yikes on the money, though.
I'm sure if it is what you are used to it is a blast. Walking distance to your favorite restaurants, etc. But hearing you take the bus to work every day makes me shudder. I can't imagine relying on public transportation.
Her mom has probably lived there all her life, why would she want to change that now?
DH's mom refused to move to be near her daughter in the big city. Good grief, that was her right! She was perfectly content in small town USA. She loved her church and the family she had here.
I think OP is feeling guilty about not visiting her mom in the small town and wants the convenience of not traveling. IMHO, a selfish motive to move mom.
There is a great deal to be said for comfort and the familiarity of a long established environment.
The advice given stinks.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
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Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
I'm sure San Francisco is amazing. It is on my bucket list to visit but you couldn't pay me to live in the city. Any city. Mom can come visit & have a lovely time but still not move there.
Total blast! Yikes on the money, though.
I'm sure if it is what you are used to it is a blast. Walking distance to your favorite restaurants, etc. But hearing you take the bus to work every day makes me shudder. I can't imagine relying on public transportation.
Hang with me! I'll break you in! You'll be an old pro in Boston, SF, wherever!
You do get used to it. I take it when I go downtown, and I did it for a year or so when I worked near old town and lived further out. Even now when I have training, I take the metro and by the time training classes are over, I miss taking the metro.
I spend $48 a month. That is a deal. That is where I met the new man/fiance! He kept talking to me. Then I yelled about Tom Brady at him! Everyone just dies when they hear the story. He would be going to one of his building to review it. LOL
